Man with a machine gun and that catchy tune :D

[HoboKa]

Decided to do a generic techno remix of Laguna's theme ^^

http://www.fileupyours.com/view/218181/LagunaRemix_VerA1.mp3

Update 1

http://www.fileupyours.com/view/218181/LagunaRemix_VerA2.mp3

Update 2

http://www.fileupyours.com/view/218181/HoboKa_Mr_Machine_Gun_VerA3.mp3

here's link to the original, sorry for not posting earlier

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2vpqd9gKXk

[Gario]

Inspired by a nameless WIP on here? Ah, Hoboka, how people could learn from you .

Generic, indeed - the sounds and such are quite so, although nice and clean, for the most part. Except that instrument at 0:42. It has too much reverb on it, which takes away from the neat quality you've got going throughout the rest of the song. I actually don't care about the generic sound, overall, but the mud adversely affects me.

Alas, it takes you a while to introduce the second part of the source (2:00)... I like the first part and all, but I get a bit bored of it after awhile. I like the cutoffs you make in order to shorten the theme and such, but I feel a bit more variation is also in order whenever you introduce the source. That's just me, though (You know how I've been brainwashed by the ways of OCR, lol).

Otherwise, it's too soon to tell how the flow of the song is going, so keep going .

[HoboKa]

I've taken some of your advice and used it Gario - not sure how to vary stuff up to make it more interesting in the first half, but the second half definitely changes things up in this update

http://www.fileupyours.com/view/218181/LagunaRemix_VerA2.mp3

BTW this is my first track where I actually used seperate patterns instead of throwing it all into one cluster-fuck pattern, so this project is much more organized ^^

Thx for comments btw Gario. Also - why aren't you posted yet bro =p aren't you better than me

[Gario]

I see how the music flows, now, so here's my suggestion. The first two minutes are indeed too repetitive, so you definitely need moar variation.

Moar variation? Look at the source and notice that, harmonically speaking, it's actually changing it up a lot - while the tune and texture is the same, the harmonic background adds enough interest for the listener to grab and such, so it doesn't get boring. I think that's one thing I've noticed most remixers of this song tend to miss... If you're going to use the beginning of the source for the first 2 minutes of the song, try playing around with the harmonies under the theme. It'll take this mix to new heights

Also, there's a little ditty that's played in the very beginning of the source that's never introduced Obviously, you can chose to add it or omit it, but perhaps it will generate ideas for you... Just another thought.

I like the changes in the second half. You brought in mah favorite part from the source, yay. The little techno sound... thingy... that comes in at 2:28 is loud, though. I suggest turning it down to an appropriate level.

Overall, as I said before, the mix is very clean (which is good)... it's a little bit quiet, though. Nothing more than raising the main mixer volume, so it should be a (relatively) quick fix. I don't really hear anything that'll clip out if the volume goes up, so there shouldn't be a problem with just bringing it up a few decibels.

Why aren't I posted yet? Actually, I've been working on project music rather than on my own stuff (for better or worse). Most of the music I've been working on actually achieves a pretty high standard (I'm guessing easily OCR worthy, but self assessment =/= truth), but none of it'll be released until... 2011 or 2012? Yeah, it sucks, but I'm enjoying it, despite that little snag. I've got one thing in the queue that isn't project bound, so here's hoping that it's up to par

Keep at this mix, though - let's see where this takes us

[Spakku]

The funk bass coming in after the strings voxes and bells has me confused. I don't know what you're trying to say by using these fancy church-y noises, to begin with, and it the follow-up certainly doesn't clarify.

More importantly; during the funk bass section the timing seems all kinds of screwed up, otherwise there's no noticeable technical issues.

Man With the Machine Gun is one of my all-time favorite battle themes. It took weeks before I realized that Laguna was supposed to be uncool, thanks to his crazy-awesome theme music.

Your mix just isn't cool. Too computerized, I think, most of it feels dead.

[HoboKa]

The funk bass coming in after the strings voxes and bells has me confused. I don't know what you're trying to say by using these fancy church-y noises, to begin with, and it the follow-up certainly doesn't clarify.

More importantly; during the funk bass section the timing seems all kinds of screwed up, otherwise there's no noticeable technical issues.

Man With the Machine Gun is one of my all-time favorite battle themes. It took weeks before I realized that Laguna was supposed to be uncool, thanks to his crazy-awesome theme music.

Your mix just isn't cool. Too computerized, I think, most of it feels dead.

Well I can concede that the other crits are valid, but what do you mean by most of it feels dead? The original piece is even more mechanical than this and not very humanized at all =l

[HoboKa]

I see how the music flows, now, so here's my suggestion. The first two minutes are indeed too repetitive, so you definitely need moar variation.

Moar variation? Look at the source and notice that, harmonically speaking, it's actually changing it up a lot - while the tune and texture is the same, the harmonic background adds enough interest for the listener to grab and such, so it doesn't get boring. I think that's one thing I've noticed most remixers of this song tend to miss... If you're going to use the beginning of the source for the first 2 minutes of the song, try playing around with the harmonies under the theme. It'll take this mix to new heights

Also, there's a little ditty that's played in the very beginning of the source that's never introduced Obviously, you can chose to add it or omit it, but perhaps it will generate ideas for you... Just another thought.

I like the changes in the second half. You brought in mah favorite part from the source, yay. The little techno sound... thingy... that comes in at 2:28 is loud, though. I suggest turning it down to an appropriate level.

Overall, as I said before, the mix is very clean (which is good)... it's a little bit quiet, though. Nothing more than raising the main mixer volume, so it should be a (relatively) quick fix. I don't really hear anything that'll clip out if the volume goes up, so there shouldn't be a problem with just bringing it up a few decibels.

Why aren't I posted yet? Actually, I've been working on project music rather than on my own stuff (for better or worse). Most of the music I've been working on actually achieves a pretty high standard (I'm guessing easily OCR worthy, but self assessment =/= truth), but none of it'll be released until... 2011 or 2012? Yeah, it sucks, but I'm enjoying it, despite that little snag. I've got one thing in the queue that isn't project bound, so here's hoping that it's up to par

Keep at this mix, though - let's see where this takes us

Thanks for the more constructive crits here. I'll def. find ways to vary up the first 2:00, harmony-wise. Also volume will be made louder too ^^ - good to know my mix is not muddy lol. Dunno what ...techno thing you're refering to lmao, but I'll see what I can do. Dunno about the "little ditty" at the start, I omitted it because it's generally an introductory sound - didn't feel like copying the original to the letter lol.

And good luck with getting your stuff posted dood

[HoboKa]

http://www.fileupyours.com/view/218181/HoboKa_Mr_Machine_Gun_VerA3.mp3

[Spakku]

Well I can concede that the other crits are valid, but what do you mean by most of it feels dead? The original piece is even more mechanical than this and not very humanized at all =l

I dunno, maybe it's the samples you're using. There's no enthusiasm.

Can't listen to the update now, more on that later.

[Spakku]

Upon further reflection, when I wrote that it "it felt dead" I was listening to the part with the bells. The way they stop completely dead exactly one second after they're rung notches up the unnatural feel pretty significantly while it's happening; bells resonate.

Also some of your synths need more emphasis than you give them, particularly the ones replacing what I can only assume is some kind of electric violin in the original, the layered descending notes that are more or less the melody for the first segment. In the original they're loud and energetic-sounding and play end to end; yours drop all of these traits leaving the most prominent sound of the first half sounding, well, boring.

That new high woodwind-sounding thing near the 3:00 mark is terrible and needs to die.

[AJ-enova]

Liking it, but I think you need to make it clearer. The layers seem to ''Blur'' together (yes i said blur)

[hewhoisiam]

Mhokay, let me see here.

For starters, I consider the introduction to be done well what you have, but need some tweaking to really bring it together. Rather than just adding a new instrument at each repetition of the theme, change something up. For the sound you seem to have going, I can imagine slowly bringing up the volume of the main sound, rather than starting off with it loud right at 0:15. Start at a whisper and trying bringing it up to full volume just before 0:28. See if you like it. You may, you may not.

Another neat thing that you hear a lot of in techno and stuff is messing with filters on electronic instruments like your lead.

I'm not a fan of the drum erm, squeaks? at 2:26? I wanna hear a snare there. It's almost a solo/half time feel and I wanna hear the drums really pop that. Personal taste.

That creeping sound at 1:58? love it.

If you wanted to add more erm, 'life' to this. Since it is a quiet piece, add accents and dynamics in some places. You've got to be careful not to overdue it, but it might help. I find it a really easy way to cover up repetition.

Now, about the bells at 1:58, coming from a person who's played the tubular bells. I can tell you about the wonders of the pedal. The instrument itself is played with hammers and has a pedal to let the bells resonate, or not, depending on the music and conductor. 90% of the time when I played it, it was muted unless it was a solo. That being said, they're awfully sparse in there. I'd add some 'lead in' notes 2 counts before what you've got now, rather than just a note ever 2 measures. I think it needs more, but not ringing and muddying things up.

at 2:39 the lead is a neat instrument, but I don't think it really works for the sound you've got here. It's too, eh, abrasive maybe? For the style I mean, especially in the higher frequencies. It's being echoed by that pad sound, which will have your notes and body, you just need something to make an entrance and give it some punch, maybe could have a slower attack and sustain to tone what you're using down a bit or something. I dunno. Just gotta play with it.

Hope this helps

-He

[HoboKa]

Wow, good to see more comments here. And thanks for clarifying your earlier statement there Spakku. I had some other ppl crit this too and comments are all the same, leaving me to wonder if there's really a point in continuing with this project since it's the exact opposite of OCR's standards in almost every regard lol.

BTW Hewo, thx a lot for the crits; stay tuned for my other works in the future if/when I get around to them eh? Cheers.

[Gario]

Ah, a lot of changes with the textures, here - always nice to see changes (especially when they're for the better).

The repetition is far less noticeable, due to the rich textures you use. I would still recommend changing harmonies in those first two minutes at least periodically, though.

The sample you used at 2:39 for the melody sounds like... well, I'll use a quote you said before, a 'vocoded fart'. Not sure that's what you were going for, but that's what it sounds like. It'd be a good idea to change it, unless you like stinky melodies.

I find that while you change things up in the soundscape and texture quite nicely, you virtually stay in the same harmonic areas in every section of the song... It really needs to change every once in a while. It isn't bad to stay in one area for a considerable amount of time, as long as you are changing it, since the change will be very intense... Yeah, change the harmonies more often.

I feel the mastering is light in the highs. Turn them up, please .

On your way, I see... Alright, now you need to go critique mine. I made one, since it looked like so many people on here were having fun with it, lol.

[HoboKa]

Ah, a lot of changes with the textures, here - always nice to see changes (especially when they're for the better).

The repetition is far less noticeable, due to the rich textures you use. I would still recommend changing harmonies in those first two minutes at least periodically, though.

The sample you used at 2:39 for the melody sounds like... well, I'll use a quote you said before, a 'vocoded fart'. Not sure that's what you were going for, but that's what it sounds like. It'd be a good idea to change it, unless you like stinky melodies.

I find that while you change things up in the soundscape and texture quite nicely, you virtually stay in the same harmonic areas in every section of the song... It really needs to change every once in a while. It isn't bad to stay in one area for a considerable amount of time, as long as you are changing it, since the change will be very intense... Yeah, change the harmonies more often.

I feel the mastering is light in the highs. Turn them up, please .

On your way, I see... Alright, now you need to go critique mine. I made one, since it looked like so many people on here were having fun with it, lol.

Like many of my tracks, lost the willpower to work on this one. I should probably submit stuff I know that I will actually work on for an extended period of time lol. Thx for the crits anyhow, they'll go towards my next wip

[Gario]

Damn... Well, I don't know what to say, Larsdood inspired you to make this, which was followed by Gilliam, which inspired me to make one. I guess March is Laguna Month .