OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!

[Darklink42]

Edited. I hope that better gets across what I was shooting for. I originally wanted to say that it was the first game to tackle the courtroom, but since I can't back that up with any real proof, I thought it might be better to point out that the Ace Attorney series has helped bring back adventure games as a genre from near extinction.

Also some minor edits for Guybrush:

- I just now realized that "Mêlée" is actually supposed to have those two grammatical marks. >_>

- "Along the way, he falls in love with the Governor, Elaine Marley, and rescues..." Feels like a nitpick, but does there need to be a comma after "along the way"?

- "and the humor characteristic of many LucasArts titles" "The humorous characteristics of many..."

- "like a coffin or a bumper car or even a child's flotation device" I feel like we've covered it before, but does there need to be commas after the "or"s?

Pretty solid bio there Polo.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Darklink42

[Polo]

Ah, so it was being measured by its more widely preferred competition. That's understandable. We'll see what Dafydd has to say about it, then hopefully Phoenix can be Wiki'ed up.

EDIT:

- "Along the way, he falls in love with the Governor, Elaine Marley, and rescues..." Feels like a nitpick, but does there need to be a comma after "along the way"?

It helps it feel more contained. It is kind of a preference thing, but I noticed Liontamer added some commas in these sorts of places in some bios when he did the quote moving and name bolding. If anything, it makes the reader hold their breath as they learn what Guybrush did "along the way."

- "and the humor characteristic of many LucasArts titles" "The humorous characteristics of many..."

I was referring to the hilarious writing style, especially the dialogue in Monkey Island and Grim Fandango and all. Your suggestion sounds fine, although "characteristics" as a noun can refer to more than just the writing. But I altered it to make it clearer.

- "like a coffin or a bumper car or even a child's flotation device" I feel like we've covered it before, but does there need to be commas after the "or"s?

Not if you choose to lazily throw out items like "this or that or whatever." I also noticed I originally had several comma-separated listings of three (i.e. one, two, and three) and wanted to change it up so the bio wouldn't get stale.

Thanks though.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Polo

[Dafydd]

Me like commas. Keep them.

Regarding the humorous writing style and your wish to indicate that the writing style is not only humorous but features a rather particular kind of humor, this feels like a wonderful opportunity make use of the word "trademark". Especially since there is already a trademarked work in that same sentence, as this makes for a nice pun.

I don't know if it really needs mentioning, but at least in the later installments of the series, there's not only insult sword fighting, but also insult arm wrestling, and, I'm sure, at least one more insult sport besides those two.

Not really fond of the ending though. Seem like it's written as if three-headed monkeys and selling fine leather jackets is the funniest shit ever, and therefore a fine grande finale. Just being as ass about it while I still can

Now, on to Phoenix Wright...

"role-playing games, along with the advent" - here I'd actually prefer to do away with comma.

"often forced to pay for things that his friends want" - how is he forced to pay for them? How about "often ending up paying for things"? "Forced" feels too strong in this context, but maybe there's a reason for it, in which case I'd like to hear an example...

"wrong. But he" - I'm not big on "But" being the first word of a sentence. How about "However, " or something? This is just personal preference, really, I'm just throwing it, like everything else I say, out there.

"Phoenix Wright and various trials" - I want a "the" before "various", because it feels like those various trials aren't just any random trials, but specific ones that have had a profound impact on his life. I could be wrong. Also, there's no explanation as to how he comes into contact with the Fey family - did he defend one of the members of this family, is one of them a co-worker of his, what?

Little nitpicks, all of it, and I'm feeling grumpy, too. Sorry if I come off as too harsh.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Dafydd

[Darklink42]

Made most of the edits, and no, they didn't seem that harsh.

I feel like the comma before "along" is justified unless I re-write the whole sentence. Maybe it's just me reading it weird, but it looks funky without that comma there for a brief break in the two concepts.

I thought that explaining how each of the Fey family members played a role was sufficient, but if it's really bothersome, I changed it up a little. I don't know if it's any better. Your call.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Darklink42

[Dafydd]

Yeah, I like the edit you made. I'm sorry to be so indecisive, but I think maybe that "But" you changed into a "However" would be better off as a "but" preceded by a comma instead of a period. That would make it read better, I think. Again, just... throwing it out there. Sorry for the hassle. What do you think?

Edited July 12, 2010 by Dafydd

[Darklink42]

I think both suck actually, after really looking at them. Your original point stands, but the "however" just read wrong overall too. I made a different edit to the sentence that seems a little better, and avoids either word.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Darklink42

[Dafydd]

That's better. Thanks!

[Abadoss]

[...] and treasure huntery (finding the titular secret of Monkey Island).

Not quite. The treasure he was supposed to find for the three trials was the Treasure of Mêlée Island (a t-shirt).

[Polo]

Phoenix Wright's bio looks finished to me. My only note is that counterpointing, again, is one word, not two. You want to upload it, Dafydd, or should I?

The treasure he was supposed to find for the three trials was the Treasure of Mêlée Island.

Fixed. Thanks for double-checking.

Looking over Guybrush's bio, I think I crammed too much into my 3rd paragraph, so I had to simplify a few things. Here's v.2:

Guybrush Threepwood

"I may be a dunce, but at least I'm a mighty pirate dunce!"

Article by: Polo

Pictured from: Tales of Monkey Island

Created by: LucasArts

First appearance: 1990

Bio

Guybrush Threepwood, self-proclaimed "mighty pirate," is the protagonist of every Monkey Island game. Although his appearance changes along with the art style in each installment, he maintains his cheerful disposition, his wit, and his proud ability to hold his breath for ten minutes.

In the first game, The Secret of Monkey Island, Guybrush is a castaway on Mêlée Island with a burning urge to be a swashbuckler. To prove himself worthy, he must complete the three trials of piratehood: swordplay (besting the Sword Master in combat), thievery (stealing a relic from the Governor's mansion), and treasure huntery (finding the Treasure of Mêlée Island). Along the way, he falls in love with the Governor, Elaine Marley, and rescues her from the ghost pirate LeChuck, the main antagonist of the series. In life and death, LeChuck has become the most feared pirate in the Caribbean, at least until Guybrush foils his plans, and in later games, he seeks to master the darkest voodoo arts in an effort to both reclaim control of the seas and rid himself of the lad. Fortunately, Guybrush is backed by his share of crew members and recurring allies on his adventures, including the Voodoo Lady, the mapmaker Wally B. Feed, the hermit Herman Toothrot, and of course his "plunderbunny" Elaine.

The gameplay of each Monkey Island title centers around solving puzzles through a point-and-click interface. Guybrush's pockets are deep and plentiful, and everywhere he goes he plunders anything useful — from live animals to human spit — and applies it to other objects, people, and situations in order to advance. Some puzzles depend on choosing the right response — sports like insult swordfighting and insult arm wrestling require the delivery of scathing retorts that match the opponent's in order to gain the upper hand (for example, "you fight like a dairy farmer" can only be countered with "how appropriate. You fight like a cow").

No matter what Guybrush crosses — seas, villains, or swords — those who know of his deeds view him as a buccaneer to be reckoned with.

Selected game appearances

=== DOS ===

The Secret of Monkey Island (1990)

Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge (1991)

=== Windows ===

The Curse of Monkey Island (1997)

Escape from Monkey Island (2000)

Tales of Monkey Island (2009)

References

Wikipedia - "Guybrush Threepwood"

The Monkey Island SCUMM Bar - "The Secret of Monkey Island"

LucasArts.com | The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition

Wikiquote - "Monkey Island"

[Dafydd]

Might as well let you do it, I think you have more routine in that area. Personally, I'm not sure what goes in italics in a bio. Game titles, is that all?

Shame you didn't get something about crossbones into that last sentence.

[Polo]

All righty. Phoenix has now joined the great Mascot category in the sky. And yeah, only game titles are italicized (EDIT: and game series, movies, books, and magazines, if they appear in the bio).

Shame you didn't get something about crossbones into that last sentence.

Bwa ha ha, that's clever. Although I think it might fly over more than a few people's heads the first time if it wasn't directly a compound word.

"He crosses... bones? As in dead people? Does he dig up... OH, crossBONES! HAHAHAHAHAetc."

Edited July 14, 2010 by Polo

[Dafydd]

Yeah, most of my jokes tend to fly over people's heads. As a result, most people don't think I'm that much fun. Glad to have another clever person around (though I never doubted your being so, and though I'm not sure you actually found that joke funny whether you got it or not)

[Polo]

I got it. It was just more clever than funny.

Following Phoenix, Guybrush has now been added to the ranks. Next, I'll take a stab at Heavy from Team Fortress 2.

[Dafydd]

Looking forward to it. I don't feel like I can contribute all that much more to writing bios for the latest batch of new mascots, but I will lurk around, ready with nitpicks whenever someone else posts one.

Edited July 14, 2010 by Dafydd

[Tensei]

Zephyr

"Wisdom flies with the wind."

Article by: Tensei-San

Pictured from: Heroes of Newerth

Created by: S2 Games

First appearance: 2010

Bio

Zephyr is one of 60+ playable heroes in the PC game Heroes of Newerth. While the game is based on a Warcraft III modification called "Defense of the Ancients", and borrows many ideas and elements from it, Zephyr is a completely original creation by S2 Games.

According to the in-game lore, Zephyr is part of the Beast Horde, a faction of anthropomorphic animals who have allied themselves with the Legion of humans to combat the nefarious Hellbourne faction and defend the land of Newerth. Zephyr does not have a lot of characterization, but he is described as a riddler, a sage, and a lover of sweets. In combat he is simply known as the warrior of the winds. Zephyr's design is based on the looks of real-life horned owls.

In-game, Zephyr utilizes his wind-based powers for both offense and defense, allowing him, for example, to blow his enemies into a desired direction, or to use a wind shield to deflect blows and increase his movement speed. His ultimate skill involves him conjuring a huge typhoon that slows down and damages any enemies caught within, dealing more damage the closer they are to the center. Zephyr is a popular and strong pick, and isn't hard to learn even for newer players. His cyclones give him both the ability to heal himself, as well as a way of getting an early gold-advantage, while his wind shield gives him great resilience, making him a hero that's quite balanced on both offense and defense.

Zephyr enjoys considerable popularity among the Heroes of Newerth community due to his relatively goofy appearance, which made him the focal point of several forum memes, such as "party-time Zephyr", depicting him surrounded by rainbows and disco balls, and a variation on "Haters gonna hate", featuring the owl with a decidedly smug look on his face.

Selected game appearances

=== Windows/OS X ===

Heroes of Newerth (2010)

References

Zephyr on the official Heroes of Newerth site.

Zephyr on the Heroes of Newerth Wiki. (unofficial)

___________________________________________________________

Sorry for the late response, I forgot all about it. Edited according to Polo's pointers (thanks )

Edited July 14, 2010 by Tensei

[Abadoss]

That weird anime dude is Zidane from Final Fantasy IX...

[Dafydd]

Thanks, dude! I knew putting that in the title would bring some attention, if nothing else. This project was always about letting those unfamiliar with any of the mascots learn a little bit about them, and a name and a game is a good start.

Zephyr's looking good! I'll let Polo run it over with his own nitpick machine to avoid any uncomfortable bumps down the road. I completely forgot about any previous versions of this, sorry about that. I think I would have written it as "the closer they are to its center" rather than "the center", not saying that's necessarily any better.

Edited July 15, 2010 by Dafydd

[Polo]

More notes for Zephyr:

- "Defense of the Ancients", and borrows many ideas --> Personal preference, but the sentence would flow a little smoother without the comma here.

- "or to use a wind shield" --> Cut the word "to" here. The wording follows the form of "his powers allow him to (do one thing) or (do another)" so a second "to" is unnecessary.

I think I would have written it as "the closer they are to its center" rather than "the center", not saying that's necessarily any better.

That could work. Alternatively, the word "it" can be added after "any enemies caught within" for clarity/completion.

- "Zephyr is a popular and strong pick, and isn't hard to learn even for newer players." --> This sentence breaks up the flow when it's in the middle of the paragraph detailing his skill set. I suggest moving it to the end of the paragraph and rewording it (skip four notes down for details).

- "His cyclones give him both the ability to heal himself, as well as a way of getting..." --> This clause would work better if you worded it as "His cyclones give him both the ability to heal himself and a way of getting..." or if you cut the word "both" from it.

- "an early gold-advantage" --> I take it this is a rewording of the "farms quickly" bit I was confused about before? It's still kind of unclear; do you mean he earns extra gold in a fight? (That sounds like the essence of it.)

- "great resilience" --> Replace "great" with something less subjective, like "considerable" or "above average" or something.

- "making him a hero that's quite balanced on both offense and defense." --> I think this clause, plus the one I noted four steps above, should be one closing sentence, reading something like "Because his offense and defense are quite balanced, Zephyr isn't hard to learn even for new players." You don't have to say he's popular because that's already said in the next paragraph, and "strong pick" is already implied in his balanced skills/stats without being subjective. (Also, you should obviously put a period after "resilience.")

Basically, there's some odd grammatical wordings here and there, not to mention chances for improvement in the flow. I'm glad you were able to follow my notes last time, and I hope these aren't too hard to understand either.

[Tensei]

- "an early gold-advantage" --> I take it this is a rewording of the "farms quickly" bit I was confused about before? It's still kind of unclear; do you mean he earns extra gold in a fight? (That sounds like the essence of it.)

Again, thanks for the notes, I'll put up an improved version soonish.

I think I need to clarify a bit on the games mechanics: I originally used 'farming' in the MMO sense of getting gold and items from killing monsters, but I suppose it isn't a term everyone is familiar with. This game operates on a principle similar to MMORPGs where you get gold for killing AI-controlled units, which in turn you can use to buy items that allow you to deal more damage, grant you more armor, etc.

Getting gold faster than other players is a pretty significant advantage, so I kinda felt like pointing that out in the bio, but I'd rather not dedicate an entire paragraph to detailing the games mechanics. That's why I tried to use a concise, catch-all term for it. Maybe you have a better suggestion/synonym? (I'm not a native speaker)

[Arek the Absolute]

My love for Zidane *as well as the fact that I am finally on summer vacation* is really making me want to write it.

ghrhrlkgjlkj

I won't "claim" him, but I will definitely be working on something for a "just-in-case" situation.

Gonna use Polo's Squall bio as inspiration.

[Polo]

Getting gold faster than other players is a pretty significant advantage, so I kinda felt like pointing that out in the bio, but I'd rather not dedicate an entire paragraph to detailing the games mechanics. That's why I tried to use a concise, catch-all term for it. Maybe you have a better suggestion/synonym? (I'm not a native speaker)

I agree that going into the game's mechanics would deviate from the bio's focus. And I don't have an equally concise term for "gold farming" for those who don't know much about these kinds of games. That leaves two options:

1) Make the sentence clear enough for the layperson. Example: "His cyclones give him the power to heal himself, and in addition, they help him gather gold quicker and earlier in battles than others." (In this example, you might have to cut the fact that his wind shield gives him resilience. The wind shield is brought up earlier in the paragraph, after all.)

2) Leave it out of the bio. Since the MMO interface isn't deeply explored, there would be no harm in leaving out a detail dependent on it. I think the bio has more than enough strong points to offset its absence.

P.S. You have a solid grasp of English for a non-native speaker.

My love for Zidane *as well as the fact that I am finally on summer vacation* is really making me want to write it.

I won't "claim" him, but I will definitely be working on something for a "just-in-case" situation.

Not trying to rush you, but you're practically saying "dibs." We're almost done with these latest mascots, and the sooner you get down to it, the less of a chance that someone might steal Zidane from you. If you have just a WIP, we can help you the same way we helped you with your Juri Han bio.

[Abadoss]

One final note for Guybrush: Mêlée Island™ needs to be trademarked, as that's how it always appeared in the games.

[Polo]

Mêlée Island™ needs to be trademarked, as that's how it always appeared in the games.

Done.™

Heavy

"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe. *sniff* Maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

Article by: Polo

Pictured from: Team Fortress 2

Created by: Valve

First appearance: 2007

Bio

In Team Fortress 2, two holding companies secretly control both halves of the world's governments through spy fortresses from behind false fronts. Reliable Excavation & Demolition (RED) and Builders League United (BLU) constantly fight for each other's share of authority, solving their disputes with open bloodshed. This is carried out by opposing teams of specially trained character classes who plunge their all into manpower, firepower, and intelligence gathering. Of the nine classes, the Heavy Weapons Guy is the central figure of the game, having starred in the first Meet the Team video.

Hailing from Russia, the Heavy is a bear of a man that loves guns, killing, and calling men who are no match for him cowards and babies. His primary weapon is the Minigun, which he affectionately calls Sasha, and it fires a continuous barrage of bullets after a second of spin-up time. The Natascha operates in a similar fashion but has the capability of slowing its targets with each bullet hit. Due to his own slow speed but high stamina, the Heavy makes full use of these guns in ambushes and when defending wide areas, plowing through defenses and making escape difficult. Other times, if the Heavy can't afford the delay in revving up, he'll shoot quicker shots via Shotgun. In close range, he may even resort to using his fists, with or without Killing Gloves of Boxing on. And should his health fail, he can call a time-out for a few seconds to munch on a Sandvich or a Dalokohs bar.

Combining measured movements, deep-voiced declarations, and a passion for pegging off pests, the Heavy honors his moniker to the hilt.

Selected game appearances

=== Windows ===

Team Fortress 2 (2007)

References

Wikipedia - "Team Fortress 2"

Team Fortress Wiki - "Heavy"

Team Fortress Wiki - "Meet the Heavy"

Edited July 20, 2010 by Polo
HE PUNCHED OUT ALL MY BLOOD

[DarkeSword]

They're called the "Killing Gloves of Boxing," not the "Killing Boxing Gloves." The distinction is important because the abbreviation is supposed to be K.G.B.

[Dafydd]

I thought I would never see the day when Polo didn't get his facts straight, but here it is. Tears dribble down my chin as the realization of the end of the world hits me like a baseball bat to the groin.

Aside from the gloves, I think this one's ripe for upload.

Edited July 21, 2010 by Dafydd
For great justice