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The Writer's Thread v2.5


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The Writer’s Thread II

THIS THREAD IS ONLY TEMPORARY, AND WILL BE ABANDONED ONCE THE OFF-TOPIC FORUM IS MADE. IF IT IS BREAKING ANY RULES THAT I DON'T KNOW OF, I WOULD APPRECIATE A NOTE FROM THE MODS AND A LOCK AS OPPOSED TO A FULL DELETE.

icon_arrow.gifNews

Well, as you all know, The Writer's Thread II is dead and gone. If we're lucky, it may be in the hidden mod forum, waiting to be revived. Otherwise, I plan to begin fresh when the Off-Topic forum finally hits. As for the writing competition, unfortunately anything that was posted on page 4 through 7 has been lost, and for now I plan on canceling. I simply can't think of a better way to handle the situation. If your work was on here for the competition, you may repost and I'll add it to the front page list (this will be brought back when the Off-Topic forum is created). I'll also try to review as much of the previously posted work as I can find time for. I apologize for the recent events here, and I promise as soon as possible we will get things worked out. In the meantime, keep writing!

icon_arrow.gifWorks That Need Reviewing

These are the most recent works submitted that have not yet been reviewed (Remember, only works submitted as links can be on the front page):

Eternal Legends: Chapter 8 by GA Jedi Knight

Blue-Tinged Angel by Old Man Time

icon_arrow.gifSubmission Rules

In order to submit a work to be reviewed on this thread, you must first offer a review of another person’s writing. If you want your work added to my list, you must submit it as a link. You can host it at www.writing.com or any of the popular file-sharing sites. Please include the title of your work in your post. Happy submitting!

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I strongly suggest dropping the "II" or "v3" or whatever tag you might append on the thread title when you recreate it in Offtop. There's no longer any sense in keeping a running count of reiterations, especially when we can't yet change thread titles, so just calling it "The Writers' Thread" should be sufficient. (Also, personally, I like "The Writers' Thread" better than "The Writer's Thread." The whole sense of community is implied in the former.)

I'm not sure whether there's really a way to extend the competition. It depends on how strictly you take the guideline of writing within the time limit of the competition, and perhaps on whether entrants who have already submitted are allowed to take time to revise and resubmit their entries (which would likely be the case since they were mostly lost anyway).

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I guess this thread will die soon or when the new sub-forum comes along, but I'll post what I wrote for the competition. I think it could still work if we extend the deadline until after Off-Topic appears and let people revise & re-sub if they want to.

I don't want the competition to die, but if it absoloutely has to, then at least it pushed me to write a little.

A poem:

4-19

I looked up as a sea fell

on my yard and back

at the 4 foot suit

as he adjusted his shades

He spoke srsly

while his partner rolled

down the window

in the SUV

She mentioned a code

and they left

And a short story:

Radcliffe Residence 9/3/97

I, James Widdel, hereby claim this to be my final will and testament, as current circumstances lead me to believe that I am unlikely to survive for much longer. My home is 121 Wiltse Road and in the event of my death anyone who may find any possession of mine is welcome to enjoy what they can.

I arrived here, at my friend Robert Radcliffe’s home shortly after sundown. There is a radio, but its batteries died after I found out that the outside world is oblivious to this. The power is out and things have gotten pretty quiet. I blocked the doors with furniture and closed the storm shutters. Bob always keeps his pantry stocked, so I should be here for a while.

It’s been a crazy week, but the rioting seems to have calmed down a little. I still have hope, but I thought the government would have stepped in by now. Maybe no one knows how bad it is down here. I’m going down to the basement to see if I can sleep for five minutes without having a nightmare.

p.s. 10/1 Out of food. Found Bob’s gun. Moving on. – J.W.

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Wow, what the hell? It's getting way too hard to follow all the changes on OC Remix without a home computer.

It's getting way too hard to follow all the changes on OCR with a home computer. I can only imagine what you're going through.

In other news... Drum roll please. *insert drum roll here* Ahem...

Eternal Legends: Chapter 8 has been released!

Author's Commentary: This one was a little trickier than the others, if only for the fact that I'm starting to delve deeper into the going-ons of the world. Future chapters will be equally difficult for this reason, but all the more satisfying to write. ;) One of the things I learned when writing a particular portion of this chapter is how hard it is to describe something when the only way you can do it is by how the character seems to experience it. I know exactly what happens, why it's happening, and what it's supposed to be and mean, but I can't go into it because the character doesn't know what exactly it is!

I certainly hope this chapter begins to pique your interest in what exactly is going on in the world. Things should be getting more interesting from here on.

This is one chapter where I'm unsure of the pacing and setup. I'm fairly confident that it works, but I can't be certain this time. I'm hoping I didn't screw anything up. :P

Read, review, and critique it as hard as possible! It's the only way I can get better! And also, I am interested in hear what your thoughts are on the story so far. Not only just "is it good or not" and "what needs fixing," but also any thoughts you have regarding the characters, the world they live in, and any speculation you may have on it. I've been lacking in that area so far, and it would be nice to see what the readers have going through their heads when reading it. That way I can get a better idea of how I'm doing with leading you guys places. :cool:

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I haven't had a chance to read the chapter yet, or to review chapters 8 or 7. I will give you a short review of the plot/characters thus far, however.

Characters

I have told you before that I feel I can relate to Damian, and I feel that his character is progressing along nicely. I also like Ann, though she isn't a very deep character. I was really disappointed that the other guy died (sorry, haven't read the story in awhile and I'm bad with names), and that his story wasn't developed any more than it was. It seems to be a very abruptly ended character (though that makes it really easy to write a prequel...not that I'm suggesting it). As for the other characters, none of them seem terribly deep or dynamic (deep does not mean the same as mysterious), but the story still seems in its beginnings so that may change.

Plot

The plot is good, and seems like it's pretty deep. I'm getting a little afraid that it will at any moment fall apart or become cliche, though I can't tell you why I feel this way. One thing that bothers me a little is how cliche it is for there to be a male/female duo traveling together. Just so long as it doesn't play out that she gets captured and he rescues her, this should be fine. Remember that you walk a fine line of originality vs. same old same old.

One other thing about the plot that bothers me is all of these flashes to other places. Something about it doesn't seem very well done; it seems out of place and almost immature in styling. That may just be personal opinion, though, so take it with a grain of salt.

Other than that, I'll get to Chapter 8 when I get a chance, and keep up the good work!

EDIT

I wanted to take this chance to say that if your work is posted in this thread, you can expect a similar review to this one (though I usually go more in-depth). I try to review anybody's work that wants it done. I have to warn you though, sometimes it is harsh and sometimes it takes me a long time to get to it.

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Thanks for the information so far, G_D. Looking forward to seeing the gritty details!

Characters

I have told you before that I feel I can relate to Damian, and I feel that his character is progressing along nicely. I also like Ann, though she isn't a very deep character. I was really disappointed that the other guy died (sorry, haven't read the story in awhile and I'm bad with names), and that his story wasn't developed any more than it was. It seems to be a very abruptly ended character (though that makes it really easy to write a prequel...not that I'm suggesting it). As for the other characters, none of them seem terribly deep or dynamic (deep does not mean the same as mysterious), but the story still seems in its beginnings so that may change.

Ann's character is something I hope to really expand on in the next few chapters. She originally wasn't supposed to be a main character, to be honest, and as a result I didn't really go into her much. Now I have to make up for that lost time, which brings me to my question: what pieces of Ann are missing that's making her less deep? I have Ann's character fairly fleshed out in my mind, which is making it harder for me to see where she's been lacking in the story so far.

As for Ganner... well, can't say much about him right now. All I can say is that I understand how you feel about him being underdeveloped, but fear not! His character will be developed further, especially regarding his more recent past just prior to meeting Damian and Ann.

Plot

The plot is good, and seems like it's pretty deep. I'm getting a little afraid that it will at any moment fall apart or become cliche, though I can't tell you why I feel this way. One thing that bothers me a little is how cliche it is for there to be a male/female duo traveling together. Just so long as it doesn't play out that she gets captured and he rescues her, this should be fine. Remember that you walk a fine line of originality vs. same old same old.

Well, I certainly hope it doesn't fall apart! I know about the dangers of the cliché, but as a teacher used to tell me, it isn't the cliché that's bad, it's how you use it. Used properly and in moderation, a cliché doesn't harm the story. A cliché used just for the sake of using it is simply bad (and is how I see a lot of people do things in stories, unfortunately).

And no, I don't plan on having Damian rescue Ann at any point. :P

One other thing about the plot that bothers me is all of these flashes to other places. Something about it doesn't seem very well done; it seems out of place and almost immature in styling. That may just be personal opinion, though, so take it with a grain of salt.

Yeah... it's something that I have a hard time with at times. However, I can't really come up with any other way to do it without revealing too much at one time. There's a big world out there... and a lot of shit is going to hit the fan in different parts of it. :cool:

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Reposting my competition story:

Literary Technique- http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1199017

I really liked this. My review of it is on writing.com, but I'll post it here and maybe expand upon it when the actual competition review thingy begins. Though I have to say, the title is a bit misleading. I though at first it was a type of literary technique or something. Turns out, it is a very good short story. How could I have known?

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I really liked this. My review of it is on writing.com, but I'll post it here and maybe expand upon it when the actual competition review thingy begins. Though I have to say, the title is a bit misleading. I though at first it was a type of literary technique or something. Turns out, it is a very good short story. How could I have known?

To answer the question:

The course and class in the story are not real. But the basic situation IS: It was me, in class, and the day I first noticed my Partner in Crime, who thought I was a dirty pervert. Who is now the girl.

:D

The exam situation was ALSO real but with a slight twist- we talked after that exam and had a drink over it- and the rest is history.

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To answer the question:

The course and class in the story are not real. But the basic situation IS: It was me, in class, and the day I first noticed my Partner in Crime, who thought I was a dirty pervert. Who is now the girl.

:D

The exam situation was ALSO real but with a slight twist- we talked after that exam and had a drink over it- and the rest is history.

She thought you were a dirty pervert? She must be really perceptive. ;)

I liked the story though still. I didn't post my other work up on writing.com for the competition, but I might as well. Its called "Blue-Tinged Angel", and its a short story.

http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1197269

Description that I put up on writing.com - "This details the reclamation of humanity in a dispassionate, computer-controlled future." I hope you like it.

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If it's alright, I'd like to hold judging for the competition still, after this thread has moved to Off-Topic (unfortunately, I have no idea when this will be). Until then, please refrain from giving public reviews of the competition pieces. Also, if you submitted a piece in the deleted thread, you are allowed to resubmit. I am trusting you not to make changes now, to make it fair.

I also changed the "Featured Works" section in the first post to "Works that need Reviewing". Any non-competition piece that is posted will go there until somebody reviews it. If anyone can think of better wording that is less lame, please feel free to suggest it.

In other news, I'd like to know what your thoughts are on the name. Since I assume I'll be making a new thread in Off-Topic, the name that we choose now will stay for a long while (apparently you can't change thread names anymore). I have heard some people who still don't like the way it is now, and would prefer "The Writers' Thread". Other possibilities include, but are not limited to:

The Writers Thread

The OCR Writers Thread

OCR Writers

If you have a preference on the new name, please let us know. You are welcome to submit your own name, too.

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The pain in my soul is only equal to the following function

where x is defined as being the pressure applied to the system

by the distance between our simultanious love and hate

and where b is our current status, positive for love, negative for hate

and where c is whether or not I'm being sit on

therefore making Y my current love of you

Y = (x^(-B)+ 4c)^(4/3)

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If it's alright, I'd like to hold judging for the competition still, after this thread has moved to Off-Topic (unfortunately, I have no idea when this will be). Until then, please refrain from giving public reviews of the competition pieces. Also, if you submitted a piece in the deleted thread, you are allowed to resubmit. I am trusting you not to make changes now, to make it fair.

I also changed the "Featured Works" section in the first post to "Works that need Reviewing". Any non-competition piece that is posted will go there until somebody reviews it. If anyone can think of better wording that is less lame, please feel free to suggest it.

In other news, I'd like to know what your thoughts are on the name. Since I assume I'll be making a new thread in Off-Topic, the name that we choose now will stay for a long while (apparently you can't change thread names anymore). I have heard some people who still don't like the way it is now, and would prefer "The Writers' Thread". Other possibilities include, but are not limited to:

The Writers Thread

The OCR Writers Thread

OCR Writers

If you have a preference on the new name, please let us know. You are welcome to submit your own name, too.

I prefer The OCR Writers Thread, though it isnt really a big deal to me.

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Well, Off-Topic is up and so is the new Writers' Thread. I changed the name just a bit on my own whim, because I didn't get much feedback. I also split the threads, because I didn't want to risk being in the wrong forum. The Writers' Thread is in OffTop, and The Writing Competition Thread is in the Competitions forum. We will be starting the Judging phase of our competition on Wednesday morning, so get ready!

Oh, and mods can lock this thread now.

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