*NO* Super Mario Galaxy "The Little Girl and the Star" *PRIORITY*

[Liontamer]

LINK: 

• Your ReMixer name: Newmajoe [arrangement, production, saxophones, toy piano, backup vocals]

Other musicians: Michelle Dreyband [vocals] Sam Schwartz [Guitar, Mandolin, mastering]. 

• Your real name: Joe Newman
• Your email address: 
• Your website(s): https://joenewman.bandcamp.com/

• Name of game(s) arranged: Super Mario Galaxy
• Name of arrangement: The Little Girl And The Star 
• Name of individual song(s) arranged:

Luma, Gusty Garden Galaxy, Rosalina in the Observatory. 

• Additional information about game including composer, system, etc. (if it has not yet been added to the site)

The lyrics are adapted from the in-game "Rosalina's Story" written by Yoshiaki Koizumi, the game's director.

• Link to the original soundtrack (if it is not one of the sound archives already available on the site)

https://vgmdb.net/album/5411

• Your own comments about the mix, for example the inspiration behind it, how it was made, etc.

The arrangement was created for the Dwelling of Duels February competition, which was "Mario" month. I was inspired by classic "storybook readings" with traditional film scoring, much like Disney audiobooks. My three year old daughter is obsessed with these stories, and I jumped at the chance to compose something for her in this chamber style. (You might even be able to guess her name if you listen closely for some quotes in the arrangement!) My collaborators Michelle (vocals) and Sam (strings) threw themselves 100% into this project, and were involved at every stage of production. I absolutely could not have done this without them.

 

Best,

Joe

 

[Liontamer]

Cool, a narrated story format. I'm sorry for being unable to properly articulate the mixing issues; IMO, the narration vocals were too loud and don't really feel like they sit within the music. It may be a stylistic thing where the narration should have a sharper edge to it, but it was odd hearing almost click-like finishes to syllables (e.g. the Ts at 1:32 "comet" & 1:34 "planet", the D at 2:37 "dearest"). I felt like I was getting a lot of shrill frequencies throughout with the instrumental, yet the piece also lacked high-end clarity.

Not sure what that stray gurgling/static noise from 5:06-5:14 was; maybe it was intentional, but sounds like a mistake. The last sung note at 5:43 could use tuning to smooth it out (though the toy piano underneath it seemed to reorient things and resolve it alright). The ending also cut off too fast; gotta let that final toy piano note get that second or two to hang and fade out.

The crits are nothing holding back this strong arrangement from being approved, but if Joe were open to it, would love to get another mixing pass on this. If we can't, I'm still in favor of this going up. Nice concept and good interpretive iterations of the source themes.

YES

[Chimpazilla]

There are additional musical themes incorporated into this arrangement.  I hear the "I Love Lucy" theme from 2:11-2:20, and "When You Wish Upon A Star" from 2:20-2:26.

This is a unique submission.  I have never heard a remix presented to OCR in this way (Js, Larry, are there others?).  I agree with Larry that the vocals are mixed way too loudly and sharply, with tons of sibilance and uncomfortable piercy highs.  The vocal line sounds forced and unnatural to me, clearly being read instead of more naturally/gently spoken.  The reverb on the vocals is also quite different from the instruments' reverb, so the vocals feel awkward in terms of placement within the soundscape; they are sitting on top of the soundscape instead of nestled into it.  The musical arrangement has plenty of the three source tunes listed (and in addition, the other two I mentioned above), but the playing style is rather loose.  I hear the crunchy noise Larry mentioned right before the outro, that should be cleaned up if possible.  The singing in the outro is pitchy and the toy piano is piercy.

At a bare minimum, the vocals need to be mixed better into this soundscape, and the piercing frequencies should be addressed.

I am going to withhold my vote at this time.  I'd like to see other responses to this, and also let the concept percolate in my mind a bit more before committing to a vote.

edit 3-13-23:  I wanted to see a few more evaluations before I made my decision, and MW's and Joe's words help me clarify my own feelings on this.  I cannot tell what type of reverb was used on instruments or vocals, plate or spring or whatever, but I can definitely tell they are different, making the vocals and instrumentation sound like they aren't in the same room, so it feels awkward.  Joe said the reverbs are fast, and that would explain in part why things sound so "sharp" overall, in addition to accentuating the timing differences in performances. Joe agrees with me that the timings of the performances are sloppy enough to be just under our bar.  And I still feel that the mixing and volume-balancing need to be addressed (vocals are too loud, there is emphasis on a a mid-high to high frequency that sounds painful).  A suggestion for mixing the vocals in:  Figure out what the fundamental of the vocal is, it is probably somewhere between 1000-1500Hz, and make a slight EQ notch in the other instruments (between 1-3db, medium-ish Q) at that frequency to allow room for the vocal to sit in the mix and cut through in a way that it sounds more nestled into the soundscape vs. tacked on top.  If done correctly, you won't need such a loud volume on the vocal to cut through the mix.  I can probably deal with the loose performance timings if all the elements were mixed/balanced better and consistent reverbs applied.

NO (resubmit)

Edited March 13, 2023 by Chimpazilla

[Liontamer]

9 hours ago, Chimpazilla said:

There are additional musical themes incorporated into this arrangement.  I hear the "I Love Lucy" theme from 2:11-2:20, and "When You Wish Upon A Star" from 2:20-2:26.

Good catch on the theme cameos. I'd already noticed the latter one, but wasn't listening closely enough to catch the very well-integreated "I Love Lucy" theme. Nice! It's only 15 seconds of non-VGM cameos, so no problem re: the Submissions Standards.

9 hours ago, Chimpazilla said:

This is a unique submission.  I have never heard a remix presented to OCR in this way (Js, Larry, are there others?). [...] The vocal line sounds forced and unnatural to me, clearly being read instead of more naturally/gently spoken.

As far as a story narration, I can't recall another ReMix in that format, but I'll check. To me, it doesn't really matter one way or the other. If you eliminated the spoken word entirely, you have an interpretive enough, developed enough VGM arrangement, so anything else is a bonus.

As far as Michelle's delivery, I don't see what the problem is. Maybe XPRTNovice may have some tips as a pro VA, but everything's reasonably emotive and strongly delivered, IMO, and the delivery involves a brighter and more forceful style while employing plenty of vocal variety. Without being able to hear my tone due to this being text, it'll sound like I'm saying there's a low bar on this kind of performance; however one would feel about this narration, it's more than capable and rising above any reasonable hobbyist performance bar. I'd rather not nitpick this, because none of the performance is a drawback vis-a-vis the Submissions Standards, just the mixing.

[MindWanderer]

It's an adorable idea, to turn this into a nursery story.  Memorable and unique.

I also have some mixed feelings about the concept, though.  It's storytelling with accompaniment, not music with spoken word.  As a submission that isn't dominantly music, let alone source material, I'm not sure it's not a standards violation.  (Now, those spoken words are "source," in that they're taken from the in-game text, but that's a question I don't know that we've considered before.)

I'm sadly in agreement with Chimpz about the performances here.  The recitation has odd emphasis in places, and goes a little too quickly, with a lack of pauses between ideas.  The performances, especially the singing at the end, are loose indeed, with problematic timing and occasionally off-key.  The balance is sometimes off, with instruments frequently stepping on each other.

I don't want to sound like I'm coming down too hard on this.  It's obviously a passion project, and I love the enthusiasm and ingenuity that went into this.  I don't think the production is a huge barrier to getting this passed.  But I think the performances are not quite where they need to be.

NO

[Liontamer]

On 3/13/2023 at 3:51 PM, MindWanderer said:

I also have some mixed feelings about the concept, though.  It's storytelling with accompaniment, not music with spoken word.  As a submission that isn't dominantly music, let alone source material, I'm not sure it's not a standards violation.

If we run into a track where the music is effectively obscured by vocals or spoken word, I think there'd be a discussion. For this, I don't think one would argue that's the case here. The music's always plainly audible and there are also areas where there are no vocals with the VGM arrangement.

On 3/13/2023 at 3:51 PM, MindWanderer said:

(Now, those spoken words are "source," in that they're taken from the in-game text, but that's a question I don't know that we've considered before.)

A long time ago, we removed two ye olden Counter-Strike subs for being original compositions + in-game SFX, and we had a ye olden Diablo sub that was just an original composition with sampled in-game narration on top. We're a game music arrangement site, so if someone submits an original composition that included game-sourced script/copy, that's not a VGM arrangement.

[XPRTNovice]

Hi, I'm XPRTNovice, and I approve this VA. I think the performance is fine as it is, and it's on par with just about anything you'd hear on Audible. It's an internal question as "do we publish audiobooks on this website" because this is essentially what this is, but that's a question I defer to staff discussion. 

The problem I have with this track is the mixing, and there's a lot to talk about. First, the plate reverb on the VO is distracting and unnecessary. A clean, well-recorded VO will sound better in this. That's actually my only feedback on the VO - take off the verb and make it clean, front and center. 

The guitar is overcompressed and muddy and way too far forward when mixed with the other instruments. Almost all of the performances have timing issues, where the performers do not stay on tempo, which creates a chaotic sound. The plate reverb is making the timing issues sound worse, because the reverb itself is just so FAST that it sounds like they're playing even more out of time. I can't tell if any of the horn players are supposed to be playing even eights, or if they're sixteenths and dotted eights, or some other triplet syncopation. Mandolin is out of time, the guitar steps on the horns. 

From what I can hear, the horns sound like they're well recorded, though, and the performances seem solid in ISOLATION, but together it's too messy to pass the bar. 

I don't think an argument can be made that this is not acceptable because the non-musical elements are not "source." The background track is entirely a remix, and could stand as a remix of this music on its own without the VA. 

NO

[DarkSim]

Well, this is a first - a story with backing music! Fun idea. I definitely noticed that the vocals sit apart from the rest of the instrumentation, and I think Joe and Kris have given some solid advice on how to remedy that. Removing the reverb from the vocal and dropping the volume, as well as notching EQ on other instruments around the vocal's fundamental, would help them sit better. Right now the vocal is fighting with the backing, rather than working with it. I find it very hard to focus on the music as the track is currently presented, and it's quite an uncomfortable listen. There's too much vying for my attention.

In the moments where I can hear the music without vocals over them, the performances don't seem to gel as well as they should. The performances of the instrumentalists do have some dynamic range though, and the vocal seems blissfully unaware of the ebb and flow of the music, which is understandable if they were recorded separately, but doesn't make for a very congruent and cohesive story. The whole section from 2:53-3:44 is narrated so energetically, over a quiet and contemplative backing, that it just does not work at all. I'm curious if the VA recorded this in isolation, or if they were listening to the music and reading over the top. I'd be inclined to say the former, but would be really interested to hear a version recorded whilst listening to the music.

I think for this to really click, the performances of the instrumentalists need to be tightened up, and the narrator needs to listen to the flow of the music and react accordingly. At the moment, it feels too disconnected as a whole. The concept is a winner, though!

NO