Schala's Theme attempt #3 jimmy

[HoboKa]

New Schala wip:

***Bonus*** It's not tone deaf or off tempo this time

Gave it an ethereal, eerie feel, then an again feel at the 2nd half. Gonna add more drum fills and higher end percussion soon. I'll also need to edit the timing for the 2nd half main melody methinks. But I'll what you guys think.

Hope you like it.

http://www.tindeck.com/audio/my/ghkb/Schala_remix_5

[Theory of N]

it sounds cool. I like the ethereal, eerie feel at the beginning with the muffled drums. One suggestion I have is to unmuffle the drums between the first part and the second during the transition. And give the second part more umph. Also, that muffled cymbal crash didn't sound right for some reason.

[HoboKa]

yeah i agree on that, I'll get to work on it soon again. Thanks for the input

[Beoulve]

I'm not really qualified to give lots of feedback, but I will try anyway.

I really like the first minute of this song. The choice of instruments and arrangement is very nice. Great job on that IMO.

I'm not digging the instrument that comes in around 1:06, and I think the eastern inspired instruments that come in after that sound pretty weird. It ruins the etheral beauty of the beginning.

I agree with the previous comment about unmuffeling the drums during the transition. Also the drum arrangement needs a little work after the transition, because in some parts it sounds like you don't know where you want to go with your drums, they are very improvised.

I really like the first part of this track, and I will be eagerly awaiting the update.

NB: my english isn't exactly stellar, but I hope you understood what I wrote.

[HoboKa]

yeah i've been told by a remixer on aim that my sitar (eastern plucked sound) is too fakey sounding. And I agree that its too much in your face and not in the eerie distance, so I'll see what I can do. I got punchier drums now and some cool additions to the 1:06 part. Problem is I don't know what to do AFTER the 2nd section.

Here's an upgrade to the song, though the crash symbol still needs to be changed for first half >_<

http://www.tindeck.com/audio/my/pyyy/Ethereal-Schala

[HoboKa]

NB: my english isn't exactly stellar, but I hope you understood what I

wrote.

I understood what u meant fairly well, thank you

I've updating my song again lol...

http://www.tindeck.com/audio/my/cyww/Ethereal-Schala2

I made the other drums become semi unmuffled but I kept them distorted so that it'd give em an eerie effect. Though I think the effect is pretty weak...I try hehe.

[Inv1ctus]

good work on this alex, i like the vocals and the rushing sound of the ocean, really good work. The update with the crisper drums is good, i would suggest maybe forwarding the point to when they come in crisp. Its cool tho the drums remind me of the movie akira

also, the pan effect on the drums is cool, but is somewhat distracting. I would suggest having the pan effect come in at key times instead of a constant effect.

One last thing, i might suggest that you use more than a bass drum and snare, maybe bring in some more treble esque percussion. Totally a composition choice, but it might not hurt

cant wait to hear more!

[Inv1ctus]

Wow you already updated the track, i cant keep up with you! i take back my comment about where the drums come in full, it sounds good. ARE YOU TELEPATHIC? that treble part is really cool, got a good 3/4 vibe to it.

One last thing i forgot to mention is to maybe add some kind of bass track or at least some kind of string bass part to fill in that frequency.

Good work! *checks to see if you updated it again* lol

[HoboKa]

[quote=davidicus;336489 Its cool tho the drums remind me of the movie akira

cant wait to hear more!

[HoboKa]

Wow you already updated the track, i cant keep up with you! i take back my comment about where the drums come in full, it sounds good. ARE YOU TELEPATHIC? that treble part is really cool, got a good 3/4 vibe to it.

One last thing i forgot to mention is to maybe add some kind of bass track or at least some kind of string bass part to fill in that frequency.

Good work! *checks to see if you updated it again* lol

yes...yes I'm telepathic...lol no I just happen to like brass

And I've got some dope heavy EQ bass and a Vox to layer it with to give it a creepy moan/low string feel.

How close would you say this is OCR material David? A looong shot, or just moderately long?

[HoboKa]

http://www.tindeck.com/audio/my/jhur/Ethereal-Schala4

Enjoy girls, its even hawter than before >: - ) just gotta get an epic last sequence in with an ending...then do some final EQ/percussion tweaking and I think this song's gonna go gold.

You guys feel the same way?

[Tensei]

Geez man stop with the pads alright! =P

I think a big problem is the lack of a sense of direction. The vocal notes that start at 0:05 are borderline passable, but still I'd like to hear them be more coherent, they sound like they tend to start at off-beats. Use some reverb to mask it up, I don't want her singing directly into my ear.

Everything is relatively fine and dandy up until 0:50 holy SHIT man what kind of dissonant chord is that. It makes about as much sense as a penis slapping a drum kit (a Dutch saying, don't bother). By now the whole chord progression is non-sensical, there's all kinds of random piano notes, clipping going on and the intro has been drawing on for way too long.

After an iffy transition and a totally weird drum break the mix picks up pace which is okay, except there's still a lot of dissonances and nonsensical stuff going on (Even more clipping, crashes at weird moments).

I've been noticing an inherent lack of bass-like instruments in your mixes, which isn't exactly a good thing for consistency between the rhythm and the melody. Lose the pads and put in a nice bass patch when the faster rock-drums come in. Also, sharpen up that production man, you can't go around relying on your " I've only been mixing for 5 months, so I can be as bad as I want"-thingy forever. Learn to compress and balance your stuff so it doesn't clip like a mofo and learn to EQ and roll-off unnecessary frequencies so your instruments don't muddy each other up.

[HoboKa]

T_T owch, you're never one to sugar coat the reviews...

Okay I'll see what I can do about that bass, and I'll try to lay off of me pads.

But there isn't "all kinds of piano notes" there's like 5-6 notes in the whole song by the piano generator. So those won't be hard to edit...

And you didn't really describe how the transition is iffy, I thought that the note-climbing trumpet thing was actually pretty clever.

As for the production sharpening I'll try my best to get it to not sound as muddy. However, I wanted it to feel that way to give it that dissonant eerie sensation.

And this song does have direction; if it didn't it would linger in one segment of the song repeating things over.

[Beoulve]

First section:

As I said earlier, I like the intro. But, as tensei-san mentioned, add a little reverb to the voice. I like the extra stuff you added to this section.

The beat drum that comes in is way too loud compared to the rest, and it doesn't really fit in.

Second section:

You need a beefier kick drum after the intro, and the high hat and cympals are really sharp and high on the eq-scale, and sort of hurtful to the ears when played loud.

You're not doing your arramgment justice at this point, because you lack a bassline. A cool bass could really do a lot for your arrangement as it really effects the melody and the beat of a song. Loose some of the pad stuff and add a nice bass and arrange it so that the song gets more variation.

[HoboKa]

yeah I've reduced some volumes and edited some EQ's ><, added echo to the voice and compressed it to make it sound a bit better; added a bassline that's gonna need lots of editing, but it's a start. Still exporting the song...so you'll probably see an update of it tomorrow, cuz I'm going out tonight x_x.

Thanks for the less Sensei-Tan-ish critique Beoulve, it definitely gives me more incentive to want to work harder on this remix. No offence Joren...

[HoboKa]

http://www.tindeck.com/audio/my/kcni/Schala_Sensei_Tan_PMS_Response

[tweex]

I won't touch production issues here since they seem to be touched on enough:

Arrangement wise, where is Schala's Theme? I'd like to think I'm fairly familiar with the source, but I hear only slight traces of the theme in there. For this to be considered as an OCR remix, you have bring those elements of the source way way out. Make it more recognizable.

One thing production wise: I suggest losing the vocal samples. They sound very low grade.

[HoboKa]

mkay...just got myself some new samples and stuff gonna play around with those I'll and get some help with mastering my EQ.

The theme is actually there bro, you just gotta listen well....anyways I think I'm gonna re-do the 2nd half and get a different concept going for it...perhaps keep it more true to the first half of my song. I don't wanna get rid of my singer in the song, but I can change the sample for it ><.

Thanks for the input.

[The Legendary Zoltan]

I don't think the singer sounds bad, personally. Also, I have no idea why Tensei san thinks that chord is so horrible. It makes enough sense to me. Tweek, those notes that you're hearing are basically all directly from Schala's theme man. I think it's just so hard to recognize because he's got them coming in at a very odd kind of tempo. Not just the whole thing slowed down, but the timing of notes has been totally rearranged. I personally, think it's a cool idea and I can totally hear the theme in there. The thing is, this isn't really supposed to be a melodic piece. The original was VERY melodic and Hoboka (Where DID you come up with that name?) has ripped that melody to shreds to make it ambient instead. I dig it. Fix the clipping though. Also that high pitch bass thingy sounds too loud and somewhat out of place. I don't know what advice to offer for that except maybe making it a bit quieter and maybe putting it down an octave.

[HoboKa]

I knew I wasn't going insane; ^^ I did a good job after all, it's just Sensei-Tan's smelly preference (but perhaps the judges too, let's hope not)...

And its sort of an odd story how I came up with this name...

For Starcraft my account name was Hobo Joe for battle.net, but when I joined a guild I needed to change my name; the guild name always ended with Ka...like NekromanKa, EvilKa etc...so I thought that HoboJoeKa sounded kinda retarded...so I picked a less retarded name HoboKa...which coincidentally means love in Arabic apparently (or so some1 told me ><)

[tweex]

The theme is actually there bro, you just gotta listen well....

Get a link to a midi file and diagram it with your mix. I hear very little theme in there; point it out.

[HoboKa]

Get a link to a midi file and diagram it with your mix. I hear very little theme in there; point it out.

Well I'd know because I've done a bit of midi rip then reinterpretted it so

[Tensei]

Also, I have no idea why Tensei san thinks that chord is so horrible. It makes enough sense to me.

Basically, the key that is implied by EVERYTHING before that chord is A# minor. The chord ( a G Major I believe) comes in without the previous progression being resolved at all, thus it makes no sense at all modulating to a different key, especially something weird like G Major. THAT's why I think it makes as much sense as a penis slapping a drum kit.

[avaris]

I really have to agree with Tensei about structure. Regardless of music theory what purpose does that dissonant chord have? Overall each section doesn't seem to flow together well, I am getting no real sense of direction. This type of writing and arrangement works well in ambient style music but not a not song with drums and driving sections. Trust me from experience writing in a style like this is very very hard.

The sound design needs some TLC. There is tons and tons of clipping and audible distortion. This theme has a very serene feel to it. Introducing abrasive textures and dissonant composition doesn't suit the theme well. Sytrus is an awesome synth to use for this source. Get rid of most of the samples or layer sytrus in with them. The high notes on the vocals at :09 sound very fake. :24 they start to sound really funky again. What FX are you using on them? The vox part that start at :44 sounds really funky bc of the synth layered in.

While the rhythms have some cool parts to them they don't seem to establish a real sense of groove. There are basically three sections to this and three different styles of rhythms. It's ok to switch it up for a section or two but not use three different rhythms in 3 different sections. This adds to the song feeling disjointed.

IMO first thing is fix up the production. It's hard to be really honest about the song where the sounds are so grating. Some of the ideas in different sections sound pretty good but are too hard to make out. IMO if you want some of those harsher textures use some natural wind sounds or thunder...softly layered in. People in general find these sounds more relaxing than say a synth with additive wavs and distortion. Some thuner and winds sounds will be a nice contrast between some soft pads and vox. Search free sound project on google and you'll find a site with tons and tons of awesome sounds.

This is some brutal honesty so don't take it the wrong way. Instead of trying to make ZOMG the best song ever try to focus on your weaknesses. Spend a month or two improving on one weakness. Then move onto another and another. There are so many things to learn when it comes to making a well rounded piece of music it is impossible to learn and focus on all of at the same time. IMO start off with sound design and production. Make a bunch of ambient based songs where those are the two biggest factors in making a good piece of ambient music. For working on composition and arrangement try writing some orchestral music.

[HoboKa]

NOW that's a review thank you Avaris. Those are awesome tips, I'll get down to that practicing on my production/EQ stuff, and I'll try to keep my song more comformed, less dissonant and whatnot.

Joren, I like you man, but you gotta be a little less abrasive with your reviews, because when you type that certain way, the only thing that I process really is the harshness, not really how to learn from my mistakes.

Sorry to be all mushy and stuff; I won't say wa wa I'm only 5 months new to this stuff anymore, I'll take it like a man and make a song that'll make you cream your pantyhose. Just you wait >: - )