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ha, that's cool redshadow. i haven't been using soundcloud for a while. i'll get back to you when i have anything new and noteworthy, because i love the idea of my music being blasted to some random ppl in the states. but it's gotta be something new. my music from 2018ish was really just about coping with the strange new reality. i can do much better...but it's gotta happen!! i gotta get out of this strange anti-creative loop. for reals.

definitely. over-analytical and just plain traumatized by all the crap that happened in those years. i have tried some pure cbd early on in 2019, when the voices situation was still pretty new. it's not really for me. i tried some weed a few weeks ago, and it was good for letting the fingers, like, just fall on the keyboard and see what they do. but it's a thing i better only do once a month or so. my history with cannabis is iffy. anything meditative is the way to go. biggest change for me has been doing regular cold showers. whenever i feel like not quite myself, cold water shock is good for gaining some presence. big fan of wim hof, and what he's saying about the vagus nerve and stuff. if i'm not wrong, that nerve can be connected to hearing voices, and becoming acquainted with the sensation of the cold can help you gain back some control.

The variety in instruments and styles is very good. The strings coming in at 2:50 and ramping up at 3:00 with the choir was unexpected but very cool, my favorite part of the track for sure.

Interesting story. To me is sounds like your issue is less about luck and more about being in an overly-analytical mindset. There may always be some degree of luck when it comes to creativity, but I believe an important part of it is creating the headspace for it, and getting yourself into a relaxed and open-minded state. A state where vibes and ideas become present without much friction. I feel like meditation can help that kind of process a lot. Also I think cbd oil (probably without thc given your disposition -- that's the kind I get either way) may be helpful as it can increase neurogenesis and also calm the mind. Listening to inspirational music and doing things that kind of ground you can also help. Just some ideas though. I have a relatively creative background, though I mostly did traditional art and martial art. I've had so many musical ideas throughout the years and I've recorded many and played around with making music a bit, but I have never really gotten the chance to immerse myself in it enough. But yeah, definitely hope some of that might help you find the music within

Hey btw a scant 8 of the tracks on your soundcloud account aren't available for download. any interest in rectifying that so I can blast them in my car to the chagrin of any pedestrian?