This just made an already good birthday even better! Digging the harmony with the main melody line (0:22-0:42) and the rhythm variations in the percussion, esp. 0:42-1:02. The original work is killer, and flows seamlessly into the source.
I don't know much about arrangement or production (though I plan to learn and submit something to the site before too long), but for what it's worth, here's what I thought:
A) 0:00-0:22 I totally get a Guns N' Roses vibe. This is a good thing.
0:22-0:42 Perfection. A lot going on here. The melody is clear, the harmony brings it out, and the rhythm and percussion are crisp and clear, but simple and subdued enough to let the source shine.
C) 0:42-1:02 Here, the mid range/rhythm gets a little muddled. You may also want to throw a little variation on the rhythm in the hi-hat. After a couple listens, it really stood out as pretty static.
1:02-1:12 We hear this line a total of 5 times, and I didn't notice any difference between any of them. It's a short piece, so it may not be enough to get "repetitive", but some embellishment or small variations could go a long way.
C) 1:12-1:32 ^
D) 1:32-1:35 The transitions from your original stuff to the source are seamless. Here, it seems a little forced.
E) 1:35-2:05 This is brilliant. I love the nod to the source at 1:53.
2:06-2:26 ^
C) 2:26-2:47 ^
D) 2:47-2:55 The ending comes up really quick and, again, seems a tad forced to me.
Overall, the one addition that I would love to see is a more minimal, slower section. Something to make it a little longer and break up what could be too much repetition of the "B" and "C" sections. Of course, this all touches on personal style and preference. I'd also be content to see this on the site as is.
A really, really promising start, and I can't wait to hear the finished product.
Till then, this version is definitely going on a couple playlists. Thanks so much!