A few comments after a couple listens.
The original piece owes a lot of its drama to contrasts. Your arrangement has a pattern of contrasting loud/soft sections. However I think you could take it a bit further. For example the soft section from 3:10 - 3:50 could be softer.
Try adding more dynamics (loud / soft variation) within the sections. This is a bit more tricky. I can't tell you exactly where - you'll have to feel it out. A good place to start would be the strings. The volume is very even throughout. I noticed one drop in volume at around 5:35 (which is a nice tension-release) but then it stays even for a while. Especially during the loud parts, when one voice gets loud (horns at 5min.), consider making the other voices (strings, etc.) a bit quieter, to give them more space.
The cymbal crashes in the beginning could be a bit more subtle. Since they're the only percussion in the first 2 minutes of the arrangement, it draws a lot of attention, and imho raises the temperature a bit too quickly.
Drums are a bit repetitive overall. It can work but I think you could put some more flourishes / lines in there.