OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!

[Mirby]

I suppose not.

I guess it was just buggin' me because if we were to be technical about it, the title and year don't match each other. But no matter.

[Nonamer]

I'll work on the bio for Amaterasu.

EDIT: Here it is!

“Ah…Amaterasu. Origin of all that is good and mother to us all...” –Bakugami, one of the Celestial Brush Gods

When the land of Nippon is once again shrouded in darkness brought upon by the fearsome demon Orochi, the tree spirit Sakuya, in desperation, summons the great Sun Goddess Ōkami Amaterasu. Appearing as a white wolf to ordinary people, her red markings appear only to those who have strong faith in the gods.

Joined by a wandering artist named Issun, Amaterasu carries the Celestial Brush, which she uses to manipulate the world around her to revitalize the land and ward off evil. She also carries on her back the Divine Instrument, which is her primary mode of attack.

Throughout her adventures, she uses the powers granted to her by the Celestial Brush Gods to defeat the evil that resides throughout the land. As the land learns of her benevolent deeds, more people offer praise to her, which enhances her divine powers.

Edited May 17, 2013 by Nonamer

[Arrow]

Sorry for hitting you folks with two bios to edit back to back! Here's my first draft of Vyse's. I have a text file on my Dropbox account that gives all the other information the bio article would need, including four potential quotes, links to three solid pictures, and game appearances.

I'll be MIA for most of the weekend, though I will be around computers, so advance apologies if I'm not around to respond right away to any comments on what needs to be edited.

-----

On the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids called Moon Stones fall from them on a regular basis. These Moon Stones power near everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people can sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living. New horizons are around every corner, and an age of discovery captivates everyone.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich... and keep what they take! But they use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help anyone who needs it. Their primary targets are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress has a desire to control all she sees. They also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction who finds no qualms in killing everyone they come across and looting their dead bodies as they leave.

Vyse and his best friend Aika find their world view thrown for a loop when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from a remote land who has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire. In their attempts to keep Fina safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize Fina's mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no-one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism, the three set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

Edited May 17, 2013 by Arrow

[Polo]

Nonamer - Before I review Amaterasu, could you please post the sources you used? It'll make it easier for me, Dafydd, and others to double-check your info and not have to ask as many questions on the accuracy or relevancy of what you say about the mascot.

Arrow - No need to hide your full bio contents as a separate file - just post them in their entirety. Also, Liontamer said he has official art of every possible mascot candidate, not just the ones that will make it in, so you don't need to worry about that (but thanks anyway for the eye candy, and kudos for noting which game each image comes from, plus some appearances to jump-start the mascot's Wiki inclusion). As for Vyse:

- Personally, I like his 2nd quote better. But the choice is up to you.

- Good job listing the correct developer. Here's the OCR Organization link for the bio: http://ocremix.org/org/2598/overworks

- "On the world of Arcadia" --> Preferably, "In" makes better sense. "On" sounds weird when all the continents float.

- "power near everything" --> I know this makes grammatical sense, but "nearly" makes it more solid.

- "... and keep what they take!" --> This feels extraneous, since you clarify in the next sentence what Vyse and co. do with their loot. (We also restrict ellipses and exclamations to rare, justified instances.)

- "They also battle with" --> This sentence is closer to the forces of the Valuan Empire than the Blue Rogues, so make it clear who "They" are.

- "rival marauder faction who" --> that, not who (since the faction is no one single person)

- "killing everyone they come across and looting their dead bodies as they leave." --> I think "killing and stealing from everyone they come across" would work more tactfully in this case (or something similar that doesn't emphasize dead bodies).

- "Vyse and his best friend Aika find their world view thrown for a loop when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from a remote land who has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire." --> A bit too long a sentence. Try to pace it so the reader's introduced to digestible bits of info in more than one sentence. For instance, you can say Vyse and Aika's world view changes when they meet Fina, and then detail Fina's circumstances/goals.

- "no-one" --> Personal peeve, but I'd rather you write "no one" instead (unhyphenated).

Interesting choice in describing a little of the world and how Vyse fits into it. But I think you can give a little more info on his character (e.g. how he loots and/or fights, his relationship to Aika, his charisma/power over others, etc.).

[Arrow]

- Yeah, his second quote is probably the best of the bunch for the terms of the bio. I prefer the Impossible quote just because of how badass it is, but I'll concede that one.

- The "and keep what they take!" bit was actually a reworded quote from the game, but it was from Vyse excitedly describing his job to Fina, so I see how that doesn't necessarily go well with an attempt to be grammatically sensible in a bio.

Here's the second draft, taking all of your suggestions into consideration. I've also done as you noted and just posted the entire thing here instead of keeping parts of it in the Dropbox file.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Even if you run into a storm, there's always a way out, no matter how bleak things seem."

-------------

Pictures to choose from: (Liontamer already has a picture, but if it's one of the three used below, these are which game that particular bit of official art was released for)

Skies of Arcadia - http://www.rpgfan.com/pics/eternal-arcadia/art-01vyse.jpg

Skies of Arcadia Legends - http://www.rpgfan.com/pics/eternal-arcadia-legend/art-001.jpg

Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed - http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/skiesofarcadia/images/c/ce/CG_Vyse.png

-------------

Article by: Jarel Jones (Arrow - http://ocremix.org/forums/member.php?u=20997)

Pictured from: See above

Created by: Overworks (http://ocremix.org/org/2598/overworks)

First appearance: 2000

-------------

In the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids called Moon Stones fall from them on a regular basis. These Moon Stones power nearly everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people can sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living. New horizons are around every corner, and an age of discovery captivates everyone.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich. They then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help anyone who needs it. Vyse serves with his father's band of pirates, and he is dangerous on the battlefield thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses. Aika, a fiesty redhead and his best friend from childhood, is equally skilled at fighting. The two often team up to take down large groups of opponents without fear. But Vyse has always had a desire to explore more than just the area near his home, to fly "beyond the sunset" and see for himself what mysteries can be found.

The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress has a desire to control all she sees. The Blue Rogues also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction who finds no qualms in killing and stealing from everyone they come across.

Vyse and Aika find their world view thrown for a loop when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from a remote land. Fina has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire and their ambition. In their attempts to keep Fina safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize Fina's mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism, the three set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

-------------

Selected game appearances

Dreamcast

Skies of Arcadia (2000)

GameCube

Skies of Arcadia Legends (2002)

PlayStation 3

Valkyria Chronicles (2008)

Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed (2012)

-------------

References

- Skies of Arcadia Legends instruction manual

- Wikipedia - Skies of Arcadia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skies_of_Arcadia)

- Skies of Arcadia Wiki - Vyse (http://skiesofarcadia.wikia.com/wiki/Vyse)

[Nonamer]

This was what I used to double check the terms and names for everything. I've played the game before, and this is a pretty accurate article.

And here is the source of the quote.

[Dafydd]

When the land of Nippon is once again shrouded in darkness brought upon by the fearsome demon Orochi, the tree spirit Sakuya, in desperation, summons the great Sun Goddess Ōkami Amaterasu.

This very first sentence is a little long. It's not really a problem though, and I can't think of a way to break it up without breaking the flow, but you're welcome to try.

Joined by a wandering artist named Issun, Amaterasu carries the Celestial Brush

Is there a connection between the event of her being joined by Issun and her carrying the brush? Otherwise, perhaps "accompanied" would work better than "joined".

the land. As the land

Try to find a way to avoid this repetition of "the land".

As the land learns of her benevolent deeds, more people offer praise to her, which enhances her divine powers.

It's not like there's a rule that bios should end with cliffhangers, but this last sentence felt like a very abrupt end.

- Yeah, his second quote is probably the best of the bunch for the terms of the bio. I prefer the Impossible quote just because of how badass it is, but I'll concede that one.

I like the first one better because it has more of an attitude, but, again, the choice is yours. Pick whichever one you think better describes the character.

Vyse serves with his father's band of pirates, and he is dangerous on the battlefield thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses.

"dangerous on the battlefield" gets 297 000 hits on google? Really? Saying a fighter is "dangerous on the battlefield" is like saying an airplane is "flying in the air". How do you feel about "fearsome" or something?

Edited May 18, 2013 by Dafydd

[Nonamer]

This very first sentence is a little long. It's not really a problem though, and I can't think of a way to break it up without breaking the flow, but you're welcome to try.

I'll try to reword it.

Is there a connection between the event of her being joined by Issun and her carrying the brush? Otherwise, perhaps "accompanied" would work better than "joined".

As this scene explains, Issun is a wondering artist who serves as a companion to Ammy (since she is a silent protagonist, Issun does all the talking). So you are right to replace "accompanied" for "joined."

Try to find a way to avoid this repetition of "the land".

Sorry, I'll fix that...

It's not like there's a rule that bios should end with cliffhangers, but this last sentence felt like a very abrupt end.

I had difficulty figuring out what to do at the end. So I think I'll just end it with a generic conclusion like "With the powers granted to her, Amaterasu sets out to save Nippon from evil".

Give me a day or two so that I can find the time to finish it.

[Dafydd]

I think I'll just end it with a generic conclusion like "With the powers granted to her, Amaterasu sets out to save Nippon from evil".

That feels like a more natural ending, yeah. I'm sure you'll work something out.

[Polo]

Nonamer - Thanks for listing the sources. Also, while Liontamer added the company, the first appearance year, and selected game appearances for the latest 5 (visible) mascots, it doesn't hurt to add those things to your own bio just so we know that you know the essentials about your mascot. Anyway, pointers for Ammy:

- "once again shrouded in darkness" --> To add to Dafydd's words, if the story of Nippon and god/demon intervention is cyclical, you'll have to establish that more clearly (otherwise having "once again" in the first sentence feels out of place without backup).

- The 3rd paragraph's 1st sentence reiterates that Amaterasu wards off the evil in the land via Celestial Brush or related ways, so it doesn't feel necessary.

- I suggest you go a little into Ammy's personality and describe how exactly she uses her Divine Instrument to attack and how she uses her brush to warp reality. These kinds of details will make the picture of Amaterasu more vivid.

- I agree that "With the powers granted to her, Amaterasu sets out to save Nippon from evil" feels like a better ending, but again, be careful to avoid repetition - you don't want to say that Ammy rids the land of evil both in the end and when talking about her brush powers, and be mindful of the bit about people believing in her (best not to have "...which enhances her divine powers. With the powers granted to her...").

Arrow - Lookin' better. I like your expansion of Vyse's background and personality. A few more notes:

- If you're not comfortable changing "who" to "that" when talking about the Black Pirates, you can say instead "a faction of rival marauders who..."

"dangerous on the battlefield" gets 297 000 hits on google? Really? Saying a fighter is "dangerous on the battlefield" is like saying an airplane is "flying in the air". How do you feel about "fearsome" or something?

That might work, but "without fear" pops up a little later, and we want to avoid subtle bits of repetition when we can. Also, "on the battlefield" sounds a little misleading since the world emphasizes floating continents and airships.

- Now you have three iterations of the idea of exploration romanticism (ends of paragraphs 1, 2, and 4). I think the first one can be cut, since the paragraph describes the world in a descriptive matter-of-fact way. The second one can be kept to highlight Vyse's wanderlust, and the last one just whets my appetite.

[Nonamer]

Nonamer - Thanks for listing the sources. Also, while Liontamer added the company, the first appearance year, and selected game appearances for the latest 5 (visible) mascots, it doesn't hurt to add those things to your own bio just so we know that you know the essentials about your mascot. Anyway, pointers for Ammy:

- "once again shrouded in darkness" --> To add to Dafydd's words, if the story of Nippon and god/demon intervention is cyclical, you'll have to establish that more clearly (otherwise having "once again" in the first sentence feels out of place without backup).

- The 3rd paragraph's 1st sentence reiterates that Amaterasu wards off the evil in the land via Celestial Brush or related ways, so it doesn't feel necessary.

- I suggest you go a little into Ammy's personality and describe how exactly she uses her Divine Instrument to attack and how she uses her brush to warp reality. These kinds of details will make the picture of Amaterasu more vivid.

- I agree that "With the powers granted to her, Amaterasu sets out to save Nippon from evil" feels like a better ending, but again, be careful to avoid repetition - you don't want to say that Ammy rids the land of evil both in the end and when talking about her brush powers, and be mindful of the bit about people believing in her (best not to have "...which enhances her divine powers. With the powers granted to her...").

Regarding the "once again shrouded in darkness," it's established

that this exact thing happened 100 years ago. I'll try to work that in, but I'm worried about the beginning running too long.

Again, I'll work on it this evening or tomorrow!

Edited May 18, 2013 by Nonamer

[Arrow]

Honestly, of the four quotes, while I still prefer the first for its badass quotient, the second is the best in terms of his characterization, no doubt. A significant part of the game is the Swashbuckler Rating where you have to make solid decisions, not be a coward, and be a good leader and person. As a result of that and the general tone of the game, Vyse's optimism is so obvious that many people described Skies of Arcadia as a refreshing alternative to the trend of FFVII clones full of grimness and depressing characters. So any quote that clearly shows his optimism, tendency to help people, and bravery in one go is the best one, and that's the second one. I'll go with that one.

I thought "formidable during combat" might work well in place of "feared on the battlefield" or "fearsome". It's accurate enough, especially as Vyse gets more and more well-known over the course of the game. I tried "formidable while fighting" first until I realized I used the word fighting the very next sentence when talking about Aika.

Chopping off the "age of discovery" line from the first paragraph gave me an excuse to add the word discovery to the final line, which I felt should mention something besides heroism alone but didn't want to use the word discovery twice, so that was fine with me.

On a side note, just realized I spelled feisty wrong. That's fixed now.

Here's the latest attempt.

----------

In the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids called Moon Stones fall from them on a regular basis. These Moon Stones power nearly everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people can sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich. They then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help anyone who needs it. Vyse serves with his father's band of pirates, and he is formidable during combat thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses. Aika, a feisty redhead and his best friend from childhood, is equally skilled at fighting. The two often team up to take down large groups of opponents without fear. But Vyse has always had a desire to explore more than just the area near his home, to fly "beyond the sunset" and see for himself what mysteries can be found.

The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress has a desire to control all she sees. The Blue Rogues also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction that finds no qualms in killing and stealing from everyone they come across.

Vyse and Aika find their world view thrown for a loop when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from a remote land. Fina has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire and their ambition. In their attempts to keep Fina safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize Fina's mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism and discovery, the three set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

[Abadoss]

Technically speaking, if someone does a bio for one of the characters on the voting list that is really far down the list, would it be included in the batch?

[The Damned]

I claimed writing the Pikachu bio (twice) back in the voting thread, so I'll get on that tomorrow.

[Unununium]

A few thoughts...

Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people can sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living.

I'd delete the word "can".

They then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help anyone who needs it.

How about "help the needy."? I'd prefer the symmetry of "verb the noun and verb the noun." over "verb the noun and verb the four-word noun phrase.".

he is formidable during combat

Maybe just "formidable in combat"? Save a syllable. Or if you changed "formidable" back to "fearsome" you'd have a cute alternating stressed/non-stressed syllable pattern, though then you'd have to do something else about "fear" later in the paragraph.

But Vyse has always had a desire to explore more than just the area near his home,

Try "held a desire" or simply "desired", but what you have is okay too.

whose empress has a desire to control all she sees.

There's that word "desire" again. Find a way to mix it up. Not knowing the game, I don't know if you'd be going to far to say something like "is obsessed with controlling all she sees".

a rival marauder faction that finds no qualms in killing

Perhaps "has no qualms about"? Substitute the synonyms "misgivings" or "worries" or "doubts" for "qualms" and you'll see why I prefer this alternate wording.

Vyse and Aika find their world view thrown for a loop

"World view" can also be written "worldview", which I prefer because parsing is done one word at a time, and seeing "world" as a distinct word puts your mind on one track which you immediately have to rewind from when you see "view". Not a huge deal though.

[The Damned]

OK, here is a basic rough draft for Pikachu. Please note that this will not have anything to do with Ash, as that is a character created entirely for the anime series, and was created several years after the game, and Ash sucks any way so fuck him.

Therefore, this article will only refer to the Pikachu (both singular and plural, as well as the species itself) that appear in the core series, and not the ones that appear in the side series, like Mysterious Dungeon or Pokémon Dash. Doing that would bloat the article quite quickly, as there are all sorts of extra details from those games.

-------ROUGH DRAFT--------

Pikachu is a small, yellow rodent-like creature from the game series of Pokémon. The official mascot of the series, Pikachu is often present on merchandise, regardless of what generation of game is currently available. Pikachu is also the only Pokémon to have its own game named after it, as well as being the only non-Legendary or non-Starter Pokémon to appear as the version mascot of a Pokémon game.

While small and fairly light, Pikachu are known for their Speed stat, enabling them to deliver quick attacks against foes. Unfortunately, their other stats are not very high, so it is quite common to see them holding their unique Item, the Light Ball. Holding one doubles Pikachu's Special Attack stat, powering up their Electric attacks even further.

Although a pure Electric-type, Pikachu are capable of learning many other moves, like Quick Attack (a Normal-type move that always goes first, regardless of Speed), Dig (a Ground-type attack that allows it to burrow underground and attack from below) and, in rare occasions, the powerful Water-Type attack Surf (creates a giant wave of water, washing away the opponent).

Normally found in forests, there are instances of Pikachu living in cities, as they are attracted to the electrical powers lines and have been known to feed off of them. They've also been known to inhabit abandoned power plants like the one near Lavender Town.

Pikachu are also naturally compassionate towards other of their species. They have been observed to recharge others with electrical shocks when weakened or tired. This quickly restores their energy and health.

sources: http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pikachu - it's the most comprehensive article on the character there is, seeing how it covers not just the game character, but also the character as it appears in other games and media.

------END------

I'm toying with the idea of using more pokédex quotes, as they tend to cover more non-game behaviors. According to some of the dex entries, they can feel thunderstorms approaching. They can concentrate together and

[Abadoss]

Pikachu is also the only Pokémon to have its own game named after it, as well as being the only non-Legendary or non-Starter Pokémon to appear as the version mascot of a Pokémon game.

Technically, Pikachu is a starter (the only starter) in Pokémon Yellow.

[The Damned]

Technically, maybe, but not really. Starters are given to you by the region's Professor, and are not found in the wild. Wild Pikachu can be found in multiple regions. More of a pseudo-starter. While you can get the actual starters later on in-game, that is hardly unique as that is also possible in later games.

[Dafydd]

Valid points

I agree fully with all of this, except that thing about qualms, which I don't dismiss, but feel less sure about.

Ash sucks any way so fuck him.

I'd substitute "any way" for "anyway" to... ok I'm kidding

I'll leave you to polishing that rough draft before going into too much detail with it, but I will say I think you're taking a bit of knowledge for granted here. Speed stat? Non-Legendary? Non-Starter? Electric-type?

Edited May 21, 2013 by Dafydd

[The Damned]

I'll leave you to polishing that rough draft before going into too much detail with it, but I will say I think you're taking a bit of knowledge for granted here. Speed stat? Non-Legendary? Non-Starter? Electric-type?

Hmm, good point. The article should be more towards the uninitiated. I'll add in more details about the game mechanics as they apply to Pikachu.

[Dafydd]

Yeah. It shouldn't be more towards the uninitiated - the article is for them. See the guidelines: http://ocremix.org/info/Mascot_Project_FAQ_and_Guidelines

I don't think the initiated need an introduction to Pikachu anyway.

Edited May 21, 2013 by Dafydd

[Arrow]

Thanks for the suggestions; I'm back in town now and can edit this more often. I left it "formidable" since I didn't want to have to change the other instance of fear. As for Empress Teodora, she's a fairly generic high queen RPG villain who wants to use terrifying giant monsters to subjugate the entire world, so "obsessed with controlling all she sees" is pretty accurate. I was fine with changing to "has no qualms about".

Here's the latest.

-----

In the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids called Moon Stones fall from them on a regular basis. These Moon Stones power nearly everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich. They then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help the needy. Vyse serves with his father's band of pirates, and he is formidable in combat thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses. Aika, a feisty redhead and his best friend from childhood, is equally skilled at fighting. The two often team up to take down large groups of opponents without fear. But Vyse has always desired to explore more than just the area near his home, to fly "beyond the sunset" and see for himself what mysteries can be found.

The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress is obsessed with controlling all she sees. The Blue Rogues also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction that has no qualms about killing and stealing from everyone they come across.

Vyse and Aika find their worldview thrown for a loop when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from a remote land. Fina has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire and their ambition. In their attempts to keep Fina safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize Fina's mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism and discovery, the three set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

[Polo]

The Damned - A couple of side notes as you readjust Pikachu's bio for the uninitiated:

- Could you offer a list of game appearances with links and dates, please? Any games that Pikachu appears in naturally, with ReMixes on OCR, are a must.

- Bios require at least two sources. They don't have to be super comprehensive like the Bulbapedia link you used, but they do need to be relevant to the mascot.

Arrow - Not much to add now, except:

- I know the Moon Stones are important to the first paragraph, but they're mentioned a little too frequently. I suggest you reword this part like so: "...lunar asteroids fall from them on a regular basis. These "Moon Stones" power nearly everything..." That way you still define these asteroids without repeating yourself.

I agree fully with all of this, except that thing about qualms, which I don't dismiss, but feel less sure about.

Maybe this would work better: "a rival marauder faction that doesn't hesitate to kill and steal from everyone they come across."

- "In their attempts to keep Fina safe from harm" --> Here, "Fina" could be replaced by "the girl" or "their new friend" or something, just to mix up the language a bit (you have Fina's name pop up 4 times in 3 sentences).

Technically speaking, if someone does a bio for one of the characters on the voting list that is really far down the list, would it be included in the batch?

Short answer: no.

To clarify: We don't want to encourage bios for mascots that jump the queue, so to speak - we put priority on the ones that officially get green-lighted for OCR. If you want to write a bio for a mascot that doesn't win the voting rounds, ask again after PaRappa, Crash Bandicoot, and the 10 candidates the community votes on all get their bios and images uploaded to the OCRWiki.

[Arrow]

In addition to making the suggested fixes and dropping the number of times I used Fina's name from 4 to 2, I also realized I used the word basis twice in that first paragraph, and edited an additional spot there as a result. Here's the newest take.

PS: How many people in these 150 pages of thread have joked about paying you guys to edit other stuff they've done? Cause damn, you're good, and I wouldn't even be joking.

----------

In the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids fall from them regularly. These "Moon Stones" power nearly everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich. They then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help the needy. Vyse serves with his father's band of pirates, and he is formidable in combat thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses. Aika, a feisty redhead and his best friend from childhood, is equally skilled at fighting. The two often team up to take down large groups of opponents without fear. But Vyse has always desired to explore more than just the area near his home, to fly "beyond the sunset" and see for himself what mysteries can be found.

The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress is obsessed with controlling all she sees. The Blue Rogues also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction that doesn't hesitate to kill and steal from everyone they come across.

Vyse and Aika find their worldview thrown for a loop when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from a remote land. Fina has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire and their ambition. In their attempts to keep their new friend safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize this mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism and discovery, the three set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

[Polo]

Cool. I think this version's set to be added to the OCRWiki. Dafydd, whatcha think?