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let's just say i had a little mental snap after that last post

and i'd rather not take the claim back lest that happens again (i've had an incredibly short fuse lately)

plus i already did 2 bios for the recent batch of additions; don't want to take too many, ya know?

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PLEASE REPORT ANY INCORRECT INFORMATION AND/OR INACCURACIES HERE IN THIS THREAD. THANK YOU! --- FAQ --- Q: What is the OCR Mascot Bio Project all about? A: The OCR Mascot Bio Project has enable

A word that musical deserves to be a mix title here on OCR. "Unununium" is a proper noun since it's my name.

"Deepened" works for me. "Seemingly" does sound rather weak, yeah. Are you saying they didn't actually abandon him? If they never returned, I'd say that's what they did. I've read your sources and I s

Alright, I've made slight changes yet again. I really really like that "firm resolve" line, so I pretty much stuck that in wholesale. I thought "their primary targets consist of" would be nice, but then realize I'd have two instances of "of the" back to back, so I went with "include" as you suggested.

I also noticed that the in-progress page for Vyse at the wiki lists a reference I wasn't actually using. I assume those are just a placeholder? I can give the references I used again at the end once the text has been finalized for the bio itself.

Anyways, here's the newest one:

-----

EDIT: I completely missed Dafydd's post. Wait a minute before you guys look into this one; I'm probably going to have to edit it later.

Edited by Arrow
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Alright guys, I'm finally back. I've been following the thread closely, and I'm glad you haven't lost your edge for editing. I'm also terrified. William Faulkner might have said "Kill all your darlings," but they are darlings for a reason. It's been awesome to see this thread explode with good edits and activity as well.

Also, Mirby, I hope that you won't be too discouraged to come back to working on bios later, if you don't pick up Protoman again. These guys are DAMN harsh, but I've never known them to be widely off the mark or purposefully unkind or cruel. I figured that out when I submitted my first draft of Vault Boy way back, and they sniffed out my lack of effort (not implying that's the case with you, far from it) like a pair of bloodhounds tracking a rabbit. Each of these bios ends up taking a tremendous amount of work, even when it feels like you've finally got the pattern down and shouldn't have to worry about the wall of edits you got the first couple of times. I encourage you to stick with it, you've put up some great bios so far. I really like your K.K. bio in particular. It doesn't get easier to write these, but the I think you'll find that the critiques, after a while, get a lot easier to roll with.

Without further ado, I give you the Skull Kid rough draft (I probably screwed up the format a little bit, my apologies in advance):

Skull Kid

"Hi! Do you think my face is kind of plain?"

Although he is the main antagonist of The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, the Skull Kid made his debut in the prequel, Ocarina of Time. In that game, he is introduced as a member of an impish race, also called skull kids, who dwell in the mysterious Lost Woods. They are said to be formed from children who wandered too far into the forest and breathed the forbidden air. Unlike other monsters of the woods, skull kids don’t appear to be evil, merely mischievous. Only when brought into contact with adults will they turn violent, displaying a child-like fear that is the last remnant of their former lives. Their trickery can tend towards cruelty, but in the end they’ve helped Link, the Hero of Time, on his quests more often than hindered him. The Skull Kid would make friends with Link during the events of Ocarina of Time, trading music and masks during the hero’s childhood.

What began with a chance musical jam near the entrance to the Lost Woods, however, would later force Link to undertake a quest in an alien reality closely related to his own: Termina. Some time after Link completes his quest in Ocarina, the Skull Kid ambushes a wandering salesman and steals a mask of great evil and mischief. Known as Majora’s Mask, it changes the Skull Kid, making him more evil and granting him access to dark magic, which he uses to drag the moon from the sky above Termina in order to destroy the world. He also ambushes Link, stealing his possessions and later transforming him into Deku Link. Although the people of Termina, and Link himself, have reason to fear and hate the Skull Kid, his fairy friend Tatl retains a different theory. She believes that the mask is controlling the forest imp, enhancing his anger and loneliness in the absence of his friends. Whatever the case may be, it’s up to Link to navigate Termina and the nuances of time in order to set things right.

Selected game appearances

Nintendo 64

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time(1998 )

Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (2000)

References

Zelda Wiki- Skull Kid

Zeldapedia- Skull kid (race)

Zeldapedia- Skull Kid (character)

Hyrule Historia- Pg. 84

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Thanks for the Proto Man source comparison, guys - I have to admit I've been lazy with that sort of thing.

@Mirby, in addition to what DarkLink42 just told you,

plus i already did 2 bios for the recent batch of additions; don't want to take too many, ya know?

There's nothing wrong about writing many bios in a short period of time, as long as you keep cranking out quality stuff (and if it's not good enough, we help you get there). No 14-day wait between submissions in this project ;)

"Flexible" in this case was my way of saying "vivid" (would you rather I said that to be clear? or is "vivid imagination" too trite?).

Maybe it is too trite, but I'll let you decide :) I'd be interested in hearing other suggestions though. It's not an expression I use very often, and I don't really know another word that could replace "vivid", or what you're really trying to say in the first place. I understand having "vivid imagination" as being able to really put yourself in an imagined situation, really picturing that chair over there as a fire-breathing dragon; hallucinating at will, so to speak. I don't think having "flexible imagination" would mean the same thing at all (my first interpretation was "bi-curious sexual fantasies", but it didn't take me very long to dismiss it as incorrect), but regardless, I think I need an example to even know what you mean by it. Doesn't mean the bio has to be changed.

Technically, both Sunny Funny wordings do mean the same thing. But your version makes a more solid connection, whereas I introduced her name as an afterthought.
I'd say "one of which, Sunny Funny, is the flower of his affections" both introduces Sunny Funny and the fact she's the flower of his affections, while as your previous wording suggests that the character Sunny Funny, but not the fact she's one of Parappa's anthropomorphic friends, is already known to the reader. Well, enough patting myself on the back...
Although he is the main antagonist of The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask,

Scratch "he is". Verb-less clauses are fun.

of The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, the Skull Kid made his debut in the prequel, Ocarina of Time.

From Wikipedia: "A prequel is a literary, dramatic, or filmic work whose story precedes that of a previous work". So for OoT to be a prequel of MM, OoT would have had to be released after MM, which is not the case. Since Link is a child in MM, though, and since OoT ends with Link an adolescent or even adult, with any logic MM should really be the prequel of OoT (assuming, which I am, that Link is the same incarnation in both games). Confused yet? I know I am.

Whatever the case may be, it’s up to Link to navigate Termina and the nuances of time in order to set things right.

I think you're focusing too much on Link throughout, but ending the bio like this really makes Skull Kid feel like a supporting character in his own bio.

I don't really feel like doing Marth anymore, someone else can take it.

Sorry to see you leave, but glad you took the time to let us know. Thank you!

Edited by Dafydd
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Upon further reflection I might pick it back up... I've been thinking about how to word it this time, one that isn't as unintentionally close to the source.

If you take our advice and rewrite the bio to be less dependent on previous knowledge of the Mega Man universe, I think you will automatically have to write something that differs significantly enough from your sources. Naturally, any mention of Mega Man, Dr. Wily or other mascots would link to their respective bios, but don't make your Proto Man bio rely on them being there. Good luck!

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Dafydd - Re the "flexible" imagination bit, I'm thinking maybe "wild" or "trippy" would work better. Here's a few clips to help you understand how his brain works:

I'd say "one of which, Sunny Funny, is the flower of his affections" both introduces Sunny Funny and the fact she's the flower of his affections, while as your previous wording suggests that the character Sunny Funny, but not the fact she's one of Parappa's anthropomorphic friends, is already known to the reader.

Ahhh, I see now. Hard subtlety to spot. But anyway...

Skull Kid:

- The first sentence assumes the reader already knows about Majora's Mask (yes, I know the "Pictured from" line appears above the bio section in a Wiki'ed article, but it's just a title rather than an explanation to those not in the know) AND it feels like it's dragging the reader away from an interesting premise: "He had a critical, awesome role in one game, but let's go back to his roots." (Starting a bio with "Although" feels kind of bait-and-switch-y anyway.) Looks like you'll have to start with the second sentence and mention Ocarina of Time in there (and leave the Majora's Mask title for later).

- Yeah, a prequel is a later installment that takes place chronologically earlier in a series. Fix plz.

- "formed from children" --> This reads like skull kids are physically molded from raw materials. Lost childen become skull kids without being broken apart and reassembled, right?

- "when brought into contact with adults" --> Try "when they come into contact" so you don't suggest they approach adults either on their own or by being dragged to one (only when Adult Link approaches them do they get violent).

- "child-like" --> childlike (no hyphen needed)

- "towards" --> I'm pretty sure "towards" is British English and "toward" is American English.

- "The Skull Kid would make friends with Link" --> Change "would make" to "made" to stick with the past tense brought over from the previous sentence.

- "during the hero’s childhood" --> Cut this because 1) it's a second "during" in the same sentence and 2) a reader would intuit that Adult Link would not get along with the Skull Kid based on what's mentioned earlier.

- "trading music and masks" --> You can keep this, but I imagine the sentence this is in would read better as "The Skull Kid and Link became friends..." or "[They] formed a friendship..." or similar, so both parties can be on mutual ground of the give-and-take dynamic (the former gives music, the latter gives a mask).

- "near the entrance to the Lost Woods" --> Li'l extraneous tidbit. You already establish skull kids inhabit the Lost Woods, and the musical jam is what counts.

- "alien reality closely related to his own: Termina" --> "alien world" or "alternate world" would read more succinctly

- "great evil and mischief" --> Okay, REALLY nitpicky, but "mischief" here feels almost laughable 1) when it follows "evil" and 2) because you already say "mischievous" in the previous paragraph. I know, "mischief" and "mischievous" aren't exactly words you hear every day, but that makes their repeated inclusion all the more noticeable. Maybe "trickery" would be a more effective choice.

- "making him more evil" --> Another mention of "evil" after the first, plus you already say he and his kind aren't evil, just mischievous. *headache* I know the mask controls his will. Any way you can fit that in? ("changes the Skull Kid" --> "takes control of [him]"?)

- "drag the moon from the sky above Termina in order to destroy the world" --> Does he drag it ACROSS the sky? :/ (Say "drag down.") Also, you can better establish the name of the parallel world via "in order to destroy Termina, the alien world."

- "stealing his possessions and later transforming him" --> "stealing his possessions, and later transforms him" (to piece together the ambush+theft, and then add a following sin)

- "retains a different theory. She believes" --> Personally, I think: "holds," "has," or "maintains" > "retains"; "perspective" or "viewpoint" > "theory"; and colon > period

- Re Dafydd's thoughts, I actually don't think Link is given too much attention here, but I do agree that the last sentence draws focus away from the Skull Kid. You can try ending on the idea that all he wants is a friend. That could help tie together his remaining humanity.

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Dafydd - Re the "flexible" imagination bit, I'm thinking maybe "wild" or "trippy" would work better.

Those were some funny clips :) I think "wild" would work, yeah, but that looks pretty vivid to me, also.

Skull Kid:

- Re Dafydd's thoughts, I actually don't think Link is given too much attention here, but I do agree that the last sentence draws focus away from the Skull Kid.

"Focus" was the wrong word there, sorry. What I meant was it's written from a perspective that puts Link in the foreground. Maybe that's how it should be, but I'm not sure. I just read the bios I wrote for Ridley and Kraid looking for a precedent, and while I think it's awkward to mention Samus as if she was already known to the reader, a simple fix in those bios might be to replace "Samus" with "Samus, the protagonist," or "the protagonist, Samus", but regardless, I think those mascots get to stand on their own foot in a way that Skull Kid does not. It makes sense to let Skull Kid's bio refer to Link several times, because we know very little about him other than through his interactions with Link, but in its current state the bio introduces him as a character that Link interacts with rather than an independent being that lives in the same universe. Again, I'm not sure which is correct, but I'd like your input on this.

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One of the tough tricks with the Skull Kid is that, as far as Majora's Mask is concerned, is that the player doesn't learn all that much about who he is and why he does what he does until near the end of the game. I did some rearranging though, to give Link a little less focus and the Skull Kid, along with the race he belongs to, a little more. Here's take two:

Introduced in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, skull kids are an impish race that live within the mysterious Lost Woods. Unlike other monsters of the forest, skull kids don’t appear to be evil, merely mischievous. They are said to have once been children who wandered too far into the forest and were transformed by the forbidden air. While their trickery can tend toward cruelty, in the end they’ve helped Link, the Hero of Time, on his quests more often than hindered him. It’s only when they come into contact with adults that they turn violent, displaying a childlike fear that is the last remnant of their former lives.

One skull kid in particular formed a friendship with Link, happily trading music and masks with him whenever the hero returned to the woods. What began with a chance musical jam, however, would later force Link to undertake a quest in an alternate world closely related to his own: Termina. In The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, the Skull Kid ambushes a wandering salesman and steals a mask of great evil. Known as Majora’s Mask, it subtly takes control of the Skull Kid, altering his personality and granting him access to dark magic, which he uses to pull down the moon from the sky in order to destroy the world. He also waylays Link, stealing his possessions and later transforming him into Deku Link. Although the people of Termina, and Link himself, have reason to fear and hate the Skull Kid, his fairy friend Tatl maintains a different perspective. She believes that the mask possessed the forest imp, enhancing the anger and loneliness he felt when his friends departed and never returned.

Edited with Dafydd's suggestions from below.

Edited by Darklink42
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What began with a chance musical jam, however, would later force Link to undertake a quest in an alternate world closely related to his own. [...} which he uses to pull the moon from the sky in order to destroy the alternate world of Termina.

By waiting until the second sentence quoted to refer to Termina by name, it sounds as if Termina is yet another alternate world, and not the same as the one you mentioned in the first one.

Also, yeah, definitely "pull the moon down" (or even "pull down the moon", though I prefer the former) rather than just "pull the moon".

Edited by Dafydd
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Regarding the whole reporting any inaccurate information thing, I just wanna check if anyone's brought up the Spider-Man article and the sentence "A bite from a radioactive spider injects high schooler Peter Parker with spider-like powers, including wall-crawling, web-shooting, heightened strength and agility, and danger-sensitive spider-sense."

Sort of a small thing, and it's actually true of a couple series and the Sam Raimi movies from the mid 2000's, but in the original and in most series/reboots/alternate Uni(multi?)verses he actually didn't get that power from the spider bite. He made mechanical web shooters and web cartridges to go along with the whole spider theme.

Apparently at some point in one of the main ones he got the ability to shoot biological webs after getting turned into a spider and back, but then I guess lost it? Either way it didn't come with the initial radioactive spider thing. Here's the link to the wikipedia article if you want to verify it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man%27s_powers_and_equipment#Artificial_web-shooters

Sorry if it's been brought up before, there were like a hundred pages to control+F through and I only have access to this computer for a few more minutes.

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Okay, after taking a short break, and taking into account a few things from the previous attempt, here's draft #2.

----

*whistles*

Sometime before Dr. Thomas Light created Mega Man, there was a different robot he worked on. Unfortunately, the project hit a snag as the robot was nearing completion: a critical problem with its power generator. The robot, misunderstanding Dr. Light's intent and fearing any operation would destroy its identity, fled from Dr. Light's lab. This robot, Proto Man, lived a life of solitude as his core slowly died, and right as it was about to fail completely, the evil Dr. Albert Wily, rival of Dr. Light, found him and repaired it. The core that once ran on the energy of the sun now relied on atomic power, and Proto Man was free to live again.

The repair also gave Proto Man some battle gear; under the alias Break Man, it was put to use in an attempt to stop Mega Man in Mega Man 3. Despite the initial confrontations, he stopped helping Dr. Wily out in Mega Man 4, when Wily kidnapped a young girl to blackmail her father. Proto Man saved the girl which allowed his "little brother" of sorts to stop Wily. From here on out, Proto Man took a neutral approach to the continuous conflicts, only interfering when he feels it is absolutely necessary.

Proto Man wears his trademark black shades that were given to him by Dr. Wily to help hide his identity; he also rocks a yellow scarf and uses his whistling abilities to announce his arrival. Although he seldom removes his helmet, his hair is known to be brown and occasionally has been seen styled into a pompadour. These facets of his appearance work collectively to uphold the aura of coolness he continually projects. He feels conflicted in regards to the ongoing war between Dr. Light and Dr. Wily; one is to thank for giving him life and the other is responsible for saving it, yet the two are constantly at odds with each other. He enjoys his life of solitude, and consequently seldom keeps in contact with those concerned about him. Despite this, he always looks out for his Mega Man; after all, isn't that his duty as the older brother?

--Sources--

http://wiki.themmnetwork.com/index.php?title=Proto_Man

http://wiki.themmnetwork.com/index.php?title=Proto_Man/games

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Regarding the whole reporting any inaccurate information thing, I just wanna check if anyone's brought up the Spider-Man article

Nope, not that I can recall. And if anyone did, it's about time someone reminded us. Thanks! Since you wrote the article, Polo, will you make the appropriate corrections?

Sorry if it's been brought up before, there were like a hundred pages to control+F through and I only have access to this computer for a few more minutes.

You can search threads near the bottom of the page, you know :)

Edited by Dafydd
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Servbot#36 - Thanks for the info. Amazing how I missed that. I went ahead and cut "web-shooters" from the list of abilities Peter Parker initially gets. I wasn't sure how to fit in that iconic tool otherwise, but I think the bio still reads strongly without it.

Dafydd - I see what you're saying re character focus in a bio. Every bio should put the mascot talked about front and center rather than being described as a "reactionary" character, even if they're relatively minor in-universe. (And personally, I don't think you need to add "the protagonist" when referring to Samus in Kraid and Ridley's bios, since they both link to her bio, and that one talks about her role as the protagonist of the Metroid series. That should work.)

Skull Kid: Looks much better. My only notes are:

- "an impish race that live within the mysterious Lost Woods" --> My brain keeps adding "of (something)" after the word "race" (it feels incomplete as-is). Maybe that "something" can be "creatures," or you can say "skull kids are impish creatures/beings/whatever that live..." (Just don't say "children" because that appears in a later sentence, and you already say "kid" enough times.)

- A little repetitious to say that Tatl believes Majora's Mask "possessed" the Skull Kid when earlier you say it subtly takes control of him. Maybe you can say the mask "completely" possessed him to offset the initial "slight" control, or: "She believes that the mask enhanced the anger and loneliness he felt..." (you can keep "forest imp" in there if you want)

Everything else reads clearly enough.

Proto Man:

Here's some examples of how you successfully added your own voice to the info:

+ When going over Proto Man's conflict between allying with Light or Wily, you complete the dynamic by stating that the doctors are still fighting with each other, showing why he can't easily choose one.

+ "These facets of his appearance work collectively to uphold the aura of coolness he continually projects." You take those details and add an objective commentary on what they do and how they shape his character and solitude.

+ The last sentence (fragment): "after all, isn't that his duty as the older brother?" A heartwarming angle on Proto/Mega Man's relationship.

Now, not to make you bristle, but there's still some strong similarities between your first MMN source and your bio. When talking about Proto Man's origin and appearance, both articles contain the following facts, in order:

Origin: before Proto Man's completion, power generator issue -> Proto Man "misunderstands" -> ID destruction fear + lab flee -> Proto Man stays alone while core degenerates -> right before total failure, Dr. Wily finds him -> replaces solar power with atomic -> battle readiness also built in

Appearance: shades from Dr. Wily -> "hide his identity" purpose -> yellow scarf -> whistling "to announce his arrival" -> brown hair -> style = pompadour

It's not a dealbreaker if you take just a handful of phrasings from 1 or 2 sources and put 'em in a bio. Here, you have a lot because you're following the general arrangement/order of ideas of the first reference link too closely. One reason we cite sources is because they're meant to offer more in-depth analyses and perspectives on the mascots, i.e. further reading beyond these introductory bios. If your wording is too close to one or more outside references, you might as well just link those and be done with it. But we don't do that. If you're mostly using one source because the info it gives is the most comprehensive or well-written you've come across, I can understand you wanting to honor it in some way. But when writing a mascot bio, you have to synthesize the info you glean and express it in your own manner (a set pool of facts, a different sequence, a unique play on words, etc.). Let the references speak for themselves.

Here's what you can do to branch out:

- Find 2 or 3 more sources about Proto Man, on different sites, with different (or at least more varied) info, with an emphasis on text to relate the info (pictures and even an interactive Flash presentation may be acceptable). We don't discard citing instruction manuals, either.

- You can look for other ways to introduce Proto Man besides from the very beginning and step by step. You can describe him as a vigilante with mysterious origins and whose alliance is never certain. If you find that's too "vague" a path to take, you could drop facts or hints pertaining to his origins and actions, like: "Proto Man comes and goes like the wind. [...] What few realize is that he is torn between two personal saviors, who are constantly at war with each other." In the second paragraph, you already sprinkle a few of his past actions here and there (fighting Mega Man as Break Man, saving Kalinka), which shows what he's capable of and colors the impact of his appearances. It's also possible to truncate facts to their essences without giving false information. Tricky, but possible.

This is a step in the right direction. I urge you to take another.

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it's kind of hard to rephrase some of those things in particular, just because there's no other words for it.

like pompadour for instance; i could shorten it to pomp, but few would know what i'd mean. in addition, the entirety of that bio was actually written WITHOUT looking at the TMMN page at all, just knowing what i know about him. so any coincidental phrasing is just that: coincidental.

in addition, i could look for another source but the only other one is the MMKB, and that site is full of gross inaccuracies, hence my extreme reluctance to use that as a source.

regardless, i shall see what i can do so it can meet your standards.

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Update of PaRappa's bio in its entirety (replaced "flexible" with "wild"):

The PaRappa series is a melting pot of contrasting elements: paper-thin characters inhabit a 3-D world, and the storyline zigzags between common and unusual situations. In this setting lives the eponymous PaRappa, a rapping dog with a wild imagination and an optimistic drive. He spends his days hanging out with his anthropomorphic friends, one of which, Sunny Funny, is the flower of his affections. In the first game, he competes with his rival Joe Chin to win Sunny's heart, and in the second game, he takes on many unrelated jobs in an effort to stop a noodle fanatic. What strings this all together, and has influenced subsequent rhythm games, is the series' core gameplay element: the rapping sessions.

To solve whatever problem the story puts forth, PaRappa faces off against a teacher or rival (sometimes they're the same) in a Simon Says-like duel of words and actions. Through alternating turns, the latter raps a line, and then the former repeats it, sometimes putting his own spin on the lyric. For the player, this equates to tapping the right buttons in tune with the beat, and "freestyling" (pressing buttons at extra moments to expand the beat) to up the number of points received and to unlock bonus content. Not surprisingly, many characters get in on the rapping craze. At the Fruites Dojo, Chop Chop Master Onion schools PaRappa in the art of karate. At Club Fun, MC King Kong Mushi hands him the floor to bust out his own danceable rhymes for the audience. Whether he's moving to the front of the line outside a public restroom, returning to normal size after getting shrunk by his father's shrink ray gun, or baking a cake for Sunny Funny's birthday, PaRappa raps to the rhythm of the story as smoothly as he follows the beat of his own heart, uttering his catch phrase, "I gotta believe!"

Any other comments or concerns welcome.

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Added a section on diet and personality, altered the Trainer section a bit, slightly changed some of the wording and threw in a few synonyms for the sake of not repeating the same word in the same sentence.

-----

Pikachu is a small yellow rodent-like animal from the series Pokémon. Since its introduction in 1996, it has gone on to become the mascot character of the entire franchise. Appearing on Pokémon-related merchandise from books to sticker to clothing, Pikachu is synonymous with the series, and is one of the most well-known video game characters of all time.

Pikachu, referring to both individuals and groups, are quick and agile, overcoming their low physical strength and endurance. They concentrate on outmaneuvering their opponents, and then hitting them with powerful electric attacks. They can use the paralyzing Thunder Wave to stun an opponent, or dash at them with a powerful Volt Tackle. Rarely, a Pikachu may know the powerful Surf attack, a tidal wave that crashed down upon an enemy and sweeps them away. Their electrical powers are so strong, that when several of them gather, they may inadvertently cause thunderstorms.

Though typically found in lush woodlands like the Viridian Forest, they have been known to appear in cities or power generating plants. They are attracted to the electricity in the wiring, and are sometimes spotted suckling the wiring like a straw, sipping voltage. Whether they increase their power this way or are simply replenishing their energy is unknown.

Pikachu prefer berries and fruits, but will eat man-made foods from time to time. Wild Pikachu are known to use their Electric attacks on hard berries, attempting to cook them until they soften. Sometimes, they underestimate their power, and accidentally incinerate the food they were trying to prepare.

Trainers (humans that capture and raise Pokémon for battling) who wish to use a Pikachu are advised to watch out for the red spots on Pikachu's cheeks. They are actually pouches which store vast amounts of electrical energy. Careless contact can result in a powerful shock. Lastly, one should never grab a Pikachu by its tail. They will quickly turn around and bite you.

With enough love and attention, Pikachu will not only follow a Trainer around, but may even sit upon their shoulders or head. Loyal and steadfast, Pikachu will defend fellow Pokémon and humans against enemies and natural disasters. They are deeply affectionate and make live-long friends with those they trust.

Sources:

1.) http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pikachu#Pok.C3.A9dex_entries_3

2.) http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pok%C3%A9mon_Yellow_Version

-----

The only part I don't really like is where I put in the bit in the second paragraph explaining how the name refers to both singular and plural. I know it explains it, but it also feels kind of forced in.

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(And personally, I don't think you need to add "the protagonist" when referring to Samus in Kraid and Ridley's bios, since they both link to her bio, and that one talks about her role as the protagonist of the Metroid series. That should work.)

If we were an encyclopedia, I'd completely agree, but we're not. I don't think a bio should rely on another. It's very nice that we can link to other bios for those who are interested, but if our purpose is to introduce characters to the uninitiated, I don't think we should expect them to click on words to find out what they are. Adding "the protagonist" is a small change to make to avoid this.

Any other comments or concerns welcome.

Nothing to add :nicework:

Pikachu is a small yellow rodent-like animal from the series Pokémon. [...]

Pikachu, referring to both individuals and groups, are quick and agile, overcoming their low physical strength and endurance. [...]

The only part I don't really like is where I put in the bit in the second paragraph explaining how the name refers to both singular and plural. I know it explains it, but it also feels kind of forced in.

I don't think it sounds forced in, but what I meant by what I said earlier wasn't that you should explain that Pikachu refers to both singular and plural (which is self-evident, really, reading the bio), but that it refers to both one specific, individual Pikachu, named Pikachu (which I believe to be the one used as a mascot for the series) and the species as a whole.

This is more aimed towards Polo, really, but, compare with "the dog", for example, which may refer to any one specific dog, or the species as a whole, i.e. all dogs, unlike "Dog" which refers to a dog named Dog. Why is Pikachu written with a capital P when referring to unspecific individuals? You wouldn't write "a Dog". The same thing goes with Pokémon, also. Capitalized, it's the name of the series, but when speaking of the eponymous creatures, it shouldn't be capitalized, unless the trademark holders have some way of overriding normal writing rules. I would think. For a verb example, do you Google stuff, or do you google stuff? Can verbs even be capitalized? If not, can a noun be capitalized if not a proper name or a proper noun? Where's an English major when you need one?

Lastly, one should never grab a Pikachu by its tail. They will quickly turn around and bite you.

As Polo mentioned earlier, don't address the reader as if you're writing a manual. This is the only place you do this in the bio, so it's an easy fix.

Overall, the bio is a little on the long side. Things like how they overcook berries are fun little facts that add personality, but remember who you're writing for. On the other hand, maybe reducing the number of paragraphs would make this feel more succinct.

Also, "stickers".

Unlike other monsters of the forest, skull kids don’t appear to be evil

Are skull kids "monsters of the forest"? Just making sure you're saying what you mean to say.

We now have 6 bios in progress, and this is getting hard to organize. I'm putting a block on any more claims until they are all finished.

Edited by Dafydd
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I don't think a bio should rely on another. It's very nice that we can link to other bios for those who are interested, but if our purpose is to introduce characters to the uninitiated, I don't think we should expect them to click on words to find out what they are. Adding "the protagonist" is a small change to make to avoid this.

Hm. Now I understand why you were okay with Link being referred to as the Hero of Time in the Skull Kid's bio (it hints at his vitality to the Zelda series). Then I guess when referring to Samus in Kraid and Ridley's bios, the wording could be something like: "he attacks the protagonist, Samus, by..." in the former and "grips bounty hunter Samus Aran in his claws..." in the latter. If you're okay with those adjustments, you can make the edits yourself.

Nothing to add :nicework:

Okie dokie. PaRappa's now uploaded, that crazy son of a bitch. :P

Pikachu:

- "books to sticker to clothing" --> stickers

- "crashed down upon an enemy" --> crashes

- "so strong, that" --> You can cut the comma here (it won't sound weird without it)

- "they may inadvertently cause thunderstorms" --> Saying "they can" helps show that Pikachu-made thunderstorms are a possibility rather than speculation.

- "power generating" --> "power-generating" (hyphen)

Looks like you missed these notes. Or do you disagree with them for some reason?

- Since Pikachu's attack types are Electric (capitalized), it looks like you can also capitalize "electric" in the 2nd paragraph.

- "live-long" --> lifelong

- The last two paragraphs look like they can act as one, since both talk about Trainers taming Pikachu.

Overall, the bio is a little on the long side. Things like how they overcook berries are fun little facts that add personality, but remember who you're writing for. On the other hand, maybe reducing the number of paragraphs would make this feel more succinct.

Yeah, I think in terms of mascot basics, the paragraph about Pikachu's diet feels like the odd one out (fun read, though).

And about capitals - yes Dafydd, Pikachu (capital P) refers to both the ones found in the wild and the one officially named that in the anime; creatures are also called Pokémon with a capital P like the series; and you Google stuff when you use that specific search engine. It's just the concensus; lowercasing those words feels unnatural to most.

Actually, now that it's brought to my attention, every mention of "skull kid" in Darklink42's bio should instead be "Skull Kid" (capitals) because that's what Google and the reference links use.

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Are skull kids "monsters of the forest"? Just making sure you're saying what you mean to say.

Good point, I changed it to "Unlike the monsters of the forest." New edits below.

Introduced in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Skull Kids are impish creatures that live within the mysterious Lost Woods. Unlike the monsters of the forest, Skull Kids don’t appear to be evil, merely mischievous. They are said to have once been children who wandered too far into the forest and were transformed by the forbidden air. While their trickery can tend toward cruelty, in the end they’ve helped Link, the Hero of Time, on his quests more often than hindered him. It’s only when they come into contact with adults that they turn violent, displaying a childlike fear that is the last remnant of their former lives.

One Skull Kid in particular formed a friendship with Link, happily trading music and masks with him whenever the hero returned to the woods. What began with a chance musical jam, however, would later force Link to undertake a quest in an alternate world closely related to his own: Termina. In The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, the Skull Kid ambushes a wandering salesman and steals a mask of great evil. Known as Majora’s Mask, it subtly takes control of the Skull Kid, negatively influencing his personality and granting him access to dark magic, which he uses to pull down the moon from the sky in order to destroy the world. He also waylays Link, stealing his possessions and later transforming him into Deku Link. Although the people of Termina, and Link himself, have reason to fear and hate the Skull Kid, his fairy friend Tatl maintains a different perspective. She believes that the mask completely possessed the forest imp, enhancing the anger and loneliness he felt when some of his closest friends departed one night and never returned.

Edit: Nice catch on the capitalization, by the way. At first I was using lower case to differentiate. Didn't even think about whether all of them would be capitalized or not.

Edit edit: Dafydd's edits implemented, with additional edits to be added pending discussion of the second point raised. (Now added)

Edited by Darklink42
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it subtly takes control of the Skull Kid, subtly influencing his personality

Subtly subtly

She believes that the mask completely possessed the forest imp, enhancing the anger and loneliness he felt when his friends departed and never returned.

I must have missed this before - what friends? Back when he got lost in the woods?

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And about capitals - yes Dafydd, Pikachu (capital P) refers to both the ones found in the wild and the one officially named that in the anime; creatures are also called Pokémon with a capital P like the series; and you Google stuff when you use that specific search engine. It's just the concensus; lowercasing those words feels unnatural to most.

Fascinating. Does this apply to brand names only? I mean, say I discover a new species of birds and decide to name it "oobalabooba" (5 bucks says there's already an Australian bird named just that) - you wouldn't write that with a capital O. And I'd be surprised if "telephone" wasn't a brand or product name as some point, but I've never seen that written with a capital T mid-sentence. Is there a given timeframe for how long capitalization is still valid, or is it just a matter of how long people care to bother?

EDIT: ARGHH DOUBLE POST. Sorry.

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I must have missed this before - what friends? Back when he got lost in the woods?

Well, in the game it's the giants who are the guardians of Termina. I wasn't sure whether that was getting into spoiler territory, given that it's something the player is supposed to put together through exploration and gameplay. If it's not too spoilerific, I'll add some specificity.

Edited by Darklink42
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The friends thing at the end could be worded in different ways without spoiling it, like:

some of his dearest/closest friends

a few important/irreplaceable friends he had

the friends he made in Termina (+ had)

those he thought were his friends (+ had)

Remember that the sentence before calls Tatl his friend, so be careful with this (fairy companion might work). You guys have any preferences?

As far as I know, capitalization is for discoveries named after people (Einsteinium, Alzheimer's disease, Halley's comet), brand names (Pokémon, Google, Kleenex, Velcro [apparently]), official places, and some other things I can't think of off the top of my head. "Telephone" joins root words that mean "distance" and "sound," so it's too basic a word to be capitalized midsentence. If a new word is established with a capital the first time, I think it's set forever.

oobalabooba

Congratulations, this thread is the only place your word appears. :lol:

I also realize I misspelled "consensus" in my previous post (doesn't make "sense" to misspell "consensus"). Hope my flub doesn't screw up your English.

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