Liontamer
-
Posts
13,934 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
132
Content Type
Articles
Profiles
Forums
Events
Posts posted by Liontamer
-
-
I don't inherently mind the droning pad, though I'll argue that the line in the source tune had a softer sound, so you don't get tilted by it, whereas I can understand it eventually feeling grating here.
Definitely in agreement with the others that the arrangement isn't transformative enough. Static energy and instrumentation; it sounds like it should be a base for a much lengthier piece.
LOAL at the overwrought fade-out, as the pad devolved into what sounded like a fly buzzing in the room and fading away. Not a knock on it, just a fun observation.
Even if you kept the overall energy level like this, there are so many additive and subtractive ways to employ subtle variation; right now, what I mainly hear is the background line slowly getting louder and some light whoosing/warbling SFX creeping up, which is not nothing, but the sum total of that is not nearly enough evolution or dynamic contrast.
A nice cover, no doubt, Shea, but we're looking for more aspects of interpretation and personalizing the theme to stand apart from the original source tune.
NO
-
For DarkSim, this is just considered an arrangement of the DKC track, but we have a parent-child relationship in the database for the DK arcade theme and the DKC expansion of it.
Super mechanical piano to open up and a muddy soundscape, neither of which bode well. The noise in the background until :41 just sounds like fuzz rather than anything purposeful, not even like ocean waves or rain, just white noise, which I didn't understand the point of. The saw lead fading in at :14 was pretty weak as well, as it didn't sound melodius and with timing that feels too locked to grid, plus the mixing needed to be sharper, IMO.
When the beat came in at :41, I had to put on a control track just to ensure my audio wasn't messed up, because the piece sounded very distant. The saw lead is just so plain and the whole groove feels very static and plodding despite some overall good energy. Totally agreed that the gated saw action quickly got old and overused; just subtle tweaks there could spice up the presentation and keep it from dragging.
The dropoff of the saws at 1:22 was good... a jarring change in the clarity with this dropoff though, wow.... dunno why it couldn't be that clean overall; you can still get dense and grimy with instrumentation, but not turn things into mud, yet the saws came back at 2:17 and that's what things turned into.
I liked the piano line's mixing, though that was also rigid and too fake-sounding as well. I dug the bongos from :18-:41 & 1:36-1:49, mixing critiques notwithstanding.
The saws came back at 2:17, and I looked up to see that the track was practically over. The way the ending unceremoniously cut off would certainly need to be fixed as well, if possible.
Definitely an underdeveloped concept, but without some more appropriate mixing, less rigidly timed instrumentation, and further variation and ideas in the writing, this isn't ready for primetime. The other Js are much better at production critique, so take stock of everything they mentioned and see what you can agree with. It's a fun foundation though, so if the source files are still available, I'd see what else could be done with it.
NO (resubmit)
-
What did you think? Post your opinion of this ReMix.
-
Sounds like a pure cover to start, but when you side-by-side it with the source, you hear how the supporting instrumentation writing's not copied over, so that's where the personalization comes from. The levels of the leads compared to other parts didn't bother me, but I understand why MindWanderer & prophetik pointed it out.
Interesting that lots of stuff is played in live according to Logan, because some of the parts felt stilted, industrial style notwithstanding. For example, when the "BRRR" pattern from :00 is doubled by an electic guitar synth around :41, that part sounded too stiff. And I definitely was not a fan of the thin & exposed claps, but they at least fit in better within the first half (:00-2:23) while not at all during the transition into the second half (2:24-2:56) -- which was the track's weakest portion -- and again from 3:13-3:28. Also, the way the lead articulates from 2:56-3:13 & 3:59-4:17 was stilted, but the keyboard and comping stuff in between was strong.
The first half's stronger on production and less on the arrangement, then the second half's stronger on arrangement and less on the production, so there's unrealized potential all across the board and it prevents me from immersing myself in this. I'd argue that the first half was produced in a more cohesive-sounding way, while 2:24-on had portions that felt more WIP like, mainly because of that flimsy clap. Would love this tightened up more (claps & electronic leads in the second half, and also tweaking the balance between the parts), but even if the level of polish was inconsistant, what's there gets it done and has "official arrange album" vibes all over it.
YES (borderline)
-
Thanks for describing how the arrangement pieced together between the usage of the two themes. Once I read through, I was able to follow how you used each of them.
I haven't read a single vote, yet I know these NOs are gonna be about the production, because this is muddy. There are some brighter elements, yet this feels like every higher frequency got cut -- there's no sharpness to this whatsoever. There's a padded line way in the back that does add some color, almost sounds like cymbals getting hit and purposefully muddied, or it's just a more ethereal, washed out kind of thing; sounds cool, though impossible to tell what it is.
2:24 was a pure cut-and-paste from :39; it was repeating a good arrangement idea in the first place, so I could see others not minding it (nor had anyone pointed out before me, after finally reading the votes), but to me, this was too much recycling despite the snazzy groove, so I'd love to hear what else could be done there to vary it up.
Clean up the mixing some, and see what else can be done to vary up the presentation from 2:24 until the end and it's solid. This definitely should be posted in some form, and I hope to see it here, even if it's not this version. Very enjoyable, I'm just feeling like there needs to be another pass on the mixing at least, and some further variance for the last third would be more in the nice-to-have column.
NO (resubmit)
-
Nice stuff! Some of the permutations of the Ice Land theme got too loose for me to enjoy, but when I timed it all out, there was no issue at all with source dominance, and I definitely appreciated the theme treatment overall.
Very cool subtleties to the instrumentation in the buildup to the melody at :44; great percussion and swirling lines with nice depth that made things feel alive.
On the mixing side, no dealbreakers; the beats overpower things, and the leads from :44-1:50 are shrill, albeit not in a way that's dealbreaking, just noticeable.
Subtle buildup of the chord progression of the World 5 Sky/Clouds theme at 1:50 & 2:01 before the theme explicitly cameoed from 2:13-2:23; very nice touch.
The DnB elements were solid, and I think the overall presentation's helped by the source tune being so limited; Roch really had to go through lots of permutations to keep it fresh, and that helped the overall track stay fluid. Even when the beats were coasting, the textures would change around. Interesting example of having subtle dynamic contrast within some high octane energy levels. Diggin' it!
YES
-
Contact Information
-
- Your ReMixer name : Rockos
- Your real name : Roch Côté
- Your email address :
- Your website : None
- Your userid (number, not name) on our forums : 44017
Submission Information
-
- Name of game(s) arranged : Super Mario Bros. 3
- Name of individual song(s) arranged : World 6 Map Theme
- Name of the remix : IsseLand
- Your own comments about the mix, for example the inspiration behind it, how it was made, etc. :
I did as quick and fast as I could to pump a remix from an actual Mario game for the Mario movie month. Rough on the edge as I had to work fast but very fun mix.Sad tho that I just read the comment for the DKC 2 mix I sent earlier. I could use more of those comments. Thanks again for taking the time Judge our stuff.Hope you enjoy this fast Drum & Bass with guitars. Some FX added for the ear to chew on the candies
.
WAV: -
-
Haven't voted on either previous version, so I'm coming in cold, but I like the short and catchy 50-second source tune. Early 2000s throwback sound palette notwithstanding, which Hemo caught onto, this would have definitely passed in ye olden days. Let's see if it holds up for the current bar.
The track had some liberal turns, but from what I could make out, there was enough direct source usage. Since the track was 2:41-long, I needed to make out the source tune being overtly referenced for at least 80.5 of the piece.
:01.5-:06 (same beat rhythm as source's opening, but different notes), :08.5-:13, :15-:21.25, :22.5-:28, :31.5-:38, :43.75-:49.5, :51-:56, 1:22.5-1:28, 1:31.75-1:36.75 (same beats as source's opening), 1:42-2:05, 2:25.5-2:36.5 = 82.5 seconds or 51.24% overt source usage
The more musically adept Js may pick up on way more. I just wanted to be sure the source tune usage was dominant in spite of the arrangement taking some twists.
Opening based on the source's countermelody, though more the rhythms than the notes, but there's the melody at :15. Right when the beats come in at :01, the mixing's not quite on point; the kick's too upfront and the beats feel droning and plain aside from the fills; applying some of the fill-type writing during the main beats could spice those up, as right now the boom-tss of the core kick and beats feels bland and metronomish.
Changeup at :31 with the beats dropping. When the beats came back at :44, it crystallized that something felt stilted about the timing and the beat pattern feels plain despite the rhythms being a little swung; it could be everything (except the kick) not having punch to it.
The lead and countermelodic line at :58-1:11 were alright, then I liked the instrumentation (and stereo field play) more from 1:12-1:20 and would have liked to have heard more of that.
:58-1:12's could be loosely based on :37 of the source, though I can't really tell at all; a great idea would be adding in another part to play the bassy countermelody from :36-:51 of the source as a supporting line, which would be a non-invasive but direct way to call back the original song without going off the rails through this interpretation. Then 1:22-1:42, I can't tell where that derives from the source either. 2:05's section also seemed loosely derived from :37 of the source.
At 1:22 the beats return, and I still felt the beat-writing was meant to be energetic, but the patterns felt bland aside from the fills.
Nice melodic lines from 1:42-1:50 as well, which reminded me of djp's Phantasy Star IV mix "Millenial". IMO, those sounds are working more than the electrosynths, but the overall package is alright. Really nice fakeout ending at 2:16 before closing it out with the 2:25 section.
I like the arrangement in general, but I'm gonna be annoying and ask for a spice-up of the percussion during the main verses; some sort of rhythmic or instrumental variations could make that part pop more. Right now, the main verses seem stagnant despite all the other energy around them, and that's caused by the beat-writing. Good luck with the rest of the vote though; other Js may have more instrumentation- or production-based critiques, though I felt this was well in the right direction.
NO (resubmit)
-
Hi once again! So I did the forum evaluation process, and received a completed, so here is the resub. I'm going to share some things I have learned personally recently, so people get to read it in case it does pass the panel. I hope this doesn't violate any website etiquette.I have been using Caustic 3 and Caustic Mastering on my mid range cell phone, mainly because with work and a young child at home, time to sit in front of my PC for any period of time is very hard to come by...but I think all of the production rules apply:) There are tutorial videos on YouTube made by the producer of the app that are great. The one that I think helped me a lot was the video on the merge to rack function. Caustic 3 has limited effect slots per channel, but you can use the merge function to create a PCM instrument with those effects applied...and then apply effects to the resulting patch. You can also merge multiple channels/instruments to create a patch that perhaps has different properties and instruments for low vs high pitch, or left vs right channel. The other tuts are great....although the app is no longer updated.Another thing I learned was about my headphones, lol. The headphones are Bluetooth, but have a wired aux connection. I had always used the aux input, assuming that would give me a more accurate take on the sound. Well, my cable stopped working one day recently, so I hooked it up through Bluetooth...and I finally heard what the judges and evaluators have been saying about denseness. I wonder if this anecdote will help anyone else.Thanks again, as always, for the time and consideration taken!AudiomancerOriginalRemix, it's also in the submit your music forum
-
I like the warbling sound design from the opening, and the lead fading in around :21 was awesome, where the chiptune timbre becomes more apparent as the volume rises, which was so cool.
The beats added in at :42 were too loud compared to the melody, but they do hit hard and have nice energy, though the pattern feels too basic and could use some variations or other ornamentations. The lead at 1:03 feels stilted, but it's purposeful, especially hearing the other ornamentations from the source and then the chip lead at 1:37. The ornamentations starting at 1:03 were getting buried though, aside from the louder flourishes at 1:11 & 1:23.
I dig the distorted and more overt NES lines at 1:36, where there's some stylistic similarities to D. Wise's Battletoads music. The DnB beat writing at 2:07 felt pretty plain again, then had a little breakbeat-style fill at 2:29, but the main beat coasted until 3:13 and definitely could have used variations to retain interest and not plod.
Love the ethereal chippy lines from 2:51-3:13, which had total Fez vibes.
The dropoff section at 3:13 with the padded lead didn't make much sense to me, then the bridge section that started at 3:55 felt like it should have been in a different key. I hear how the key pivot was started at 3:37, but IMO, the transition didn't fully click. A theory-proficient J could chime in on whether they liked this execution, and possibly suggest how to make it smoother.
And then back to the generic sounding DnB beats, though with some tick-a-tick-type fills at 4:17 to at least do something else. The countermelody from 4:18-4:38 was getting steamrolled; it registered for me, but it should have been more audible and integral to the soundscape. It feels like a lot of my complaints with this match up to the issues with Roch's Animal Crossing piece, where the DnB aspect was stilted but serviceable. Roch's still learning, but I definitely hope his DnB beats get more creative.
Here, the production feels more cohesive despite the flaws, so I can get behind this, though I'd love it better with some revisions based on panel feedback, even if it made it as is.
YES
-
Contact Information
-
- Your ReMixer name : Rockos
- Your real name : Roch Côté
- Your email address :
- Your website : None
- Your userid (number, not name) on our forums : 44017
Submission Information
-
- Name of game(s) arranged : Donkey Kong Country
- Name of individual song(s) arranged : Enchanted Wood
- Name of the remix : Distorted Forest
- Your own comments about the mix, for example the inspiration behind it, how it was made, etc. :
This song was made before the Genshin Impact one as a Guitar practice but became a full length song. I'm glad it did. This continue the current Drum & Bass merged with rock style I've been making lately. -
-
Sending it now because of the Mario Movie Month. I hope wish you will like it.
-
-
The song has fast drums and distorted guitars. Lots of psytrance pad effects and is very close to the source.
-
-
WAV:
-
-
Your ReMixer name: Lucas Guimaraes
Your real name: Lucas Guimaraes
Your email address:
Your website: https://twitter.com/Thirdkoopa - knew nothing better to link for this
Your userid (number, not name) on our forums, found by viewing your forum profile: http://ocremix.org/community/profile/33965- thirdkoopa/
Name of game(s) arranged: Paper Mario
Name of arrangement: Tale of the Star Rod
Name of individual song(s) arranged: Title Theme (https://youtu.be/ks-bSRNamR8)Collaborators:Lucas Guimaraes - Producer, ArrangerTim Rosko - LeadIan Martyn - TenorChris Doughty - BaritoneNautilus T Party - BassJames C. Hoffman - Mixing EngineerMy comments: This was a Barbershop Quartet I made a while ago for a project. Since this track has lyrics, it can't be put back on Spotify, so I figure OCR is one of the few places it'll have some legs left. I spent about a good 2(?) months on and off editing this arrangement? By the time I was done, I knew I was too close to it myself, so I enlisted the help of some amazing vocal talent - Tim Rosko, Ian Martyn, Chris Doughty, and Nautilus T Party, and James C. Hoffman to mix the track.The lyrics are mostly derived from the Intro to Paper Mario with almost all the lyrics from that intro.LT EDIT (4/19): Requested a source breakdown, which Lucas was happy to provide.
Timestamped:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH1a-QQhFdkTry half speed at 0:18. Focus on just the melody
A section - 0:18-0:36
B section - 0:36-0:540:00-0:46 - A section
0:46-1:40 - B section
1:40-2:22 - A section
2:22-2:49 - B Section
2:49-3:05 - Original content
3:05-3:28 - A section
3:28-end - The intro of this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH1a-QQhFdk - Focus on that 0:01-0:03 part mostly)The reharmonizations + it slowing down is a biiit odd to anyone not familiar with the source material, I'll admit, BUT, once you get it, you go 'woah'. Plus I'm really hoping this mix can get new life. It was on Spotify. It got yanked from Materia Collective. It can't go back up due to original lyrics.
Lyrics:We're here to tell you the story about the Star SpiritsWay above the clouds they rest!
They rest with the fabled treasure known as the Star RodThis rod grants you any wishes that you wantWith this great wand, the seven star spirits watched our world,Our worldCare-ful-ly until one dayKing Bowser stole the star rod for himself!Whatever shall we do...He then kidnapped the seven star spiritsAnd gave them to his loyal henchmen!They spread to hide in their own lairs all acrossThe Mushroom Kingdom keeping them captiveNow with king BowserThat wretched beastHaving the star rod to himself (All to himself!)
Now the Star Kids can not make their wishes come true.Whatever can they do aboutThis predicament oh!
With our story taking a dark turnHe's the only man we can trust.
Paper Mario (x3) -
It's a cool cover for sure, Alex, but with the melody and (though subdued) the bassline so close in writing, you'll need to do more to differentiate the structure or overall composition, which you're certainly capable of. If you're interested, see where else you take this!
NO
-
What did you think? Post your opinion of this ReMix.
-
What did you think? Post your opinion of this ReMix.
-
I've not heard of ALAC having critical mass acceptance like FLAC. It may be worth a look provided that the importation process is straightforward enough once you have the files. For the time being -- and it doesn't meant it couldn't change later -- It feels like offering ALAC downloads is like catering to a segment of a segment of segment; people pushed for OGG 20 years ago, and it's a good format, but it's never hit ubiquitous acceptance the way MP3 format has, so I'd need to see ALAC do the same.
Anyone else around here explicitly prefer ALAC format for your Apple devices (e.g. for your Bandcamp purchases)?
-
I checked with Zach again, but he's tapped out of ideas to fix it, so this one might just set off dogs and MindWanderer in perpetuity.
QuoteAs we discussed before, I have no way of fixing something I can't see or hear. I've tried numerous frequency analysis tools, I've tried filters, and I can't see anything offending or understand what would be causing such a thing. I even lowered the pitch of the entire track down five steps, which would make any sort of high-pitched sound completely audible to anybody's ears, and nothing stuck out. So I just am completely flummoxed by MW's comments/analysis and I have no further remedies to try outside of what I did for the re-submitted version last month.
At any rate, thank you for your time and I look forward to seeing the track posted! I have a new track to submit and just have to take the time to sit and do the write-up.
-
What did you think? Post your opinion of this ReMix.
-
I brought up the conditional comments to Jeff to see about possible changes, but he's got some ear issues that'll prevent him from working on stuff for a while, but he explained how the juice wouldn't be worth the squeeze there, so this is just an FYI:
QuoteHey Larry, thanks for the update! Glad the intonation fix was received well.
The popping sounds Chimpazilla and MindWanderer are hearing isn't clipping or some compressor error, they're clicks coming from the Game Boy pulse channels. They're not something I can fix without redoing the parts from scratch. Pop removal plugins (ie de-click or de-crackle in izotope RX10) don't play nicely with chiptune tracks and compromise the sound too much even with the lowest sensitivity settings. So yeah, those are gonna have to stay. -
I always enjoy sampled soprano vocals that sound like Parasite Eve.
Hell of a sound upgrade, chief.
YES
-
The sounds aren't dry at all, but there's a core clap groove introduced at :27 that's noticeably lacking body & energy (which also weakens the finish at 6:28). There's something ultimately very vanilla and tepid with how this instrumentation currently sounds, and the textures feel muddier and more indistinct than intended. Not a sophisticated sound palette yet.
I liked the altered rhythms for that melodic line first done at :58; sweet idea here, and gradually adding more part-writing around it and varying the textures helped not let it drag out. The line that came in at 1:36 and gradually rose in volume was a fairly generic sound as well, but the more crystalline part at 2:04 was a much more unique sound, and the accompanying strings brought in at the same time were also a nice touch. IMO, the synth handling the melody at 2:31 came in too strongly (and kind of piercing, but I'll live); consider pulling it back for the first few bars and letting a gradual volume raise of it finish at 2:45.
Nice drop idea at 3:29, though the stuttered parts at 3:42 felt too locked to grid and mechanical-sounding; there may be some creative effects that could be used from 3:42-4:10 to give that a more creative and fluid sound that draws less attention to that. The buildup from 4:10 into the stop at 4:37 was odd as well, and I got clashing writing from 4:31-4:37 (then an abrupt key change at 4:38). Yeah, that whole transition definitely didn't click as intended, yet it was employed again from 6:14-6:21 with clashing writing again before the dropoff. At 5:53, the bassline did register for me, but it's basically steamrolled and has no presense.
I'll await further votes in the hopes that the musician Js can better identify and isolate specific problems here, as well as suggest ways to achieve some richer, fuller sounds that are nonetheless well seperated.
This isn't a cohesive enough presentation just yet; it still feels like the instrumentation is more at a work-in-progress phase where the core writing's in place and the arrangement's direction is set, but more effects & polish are waiting to be added. If you can figure out how to add that sheen to the instrumentation and not have that pair of akwardly written transitions, Tobias, this could be a contender.
NO (resumbit)
-
Link to Remix:
Contact Information
ReMixer name: Tab Newflax
Real name: Tobias Nylin
Email address:
Website: https://www.tobiasnylin.com/
Userid: 2108Submission Information
Name of game(s) arranged: Donkey Kong Country
Name of arrangement: DK Island Trance '94
Name of individual song(s) arranged: “DK Island Swing”Comments about the mix:
Hello! Donkey Kong Country is one of my favorite games ever! I got it as a Christmas gift in 1994. I still often think of the nice memories of me and my brother playing it while celebrating Christmas at my grandmother's.
This is a remix of “DK Island Swing”. When I heard this song the first time I thought it a bit weird, but it has really grown on me over time. Especially the second half of the song, the more relaxed part. For me it is a bit mysterious but also soothing.
I like trance music and got an idea on how this part could fit well as a trance remix. In the timestamps below I will refer to it as “Part 2” (1:30-2:47 in the original). There are also some parts where I’ve used elements from the first part “Part 1”, for example the characteristic chords from the intro (0:38-1:30 in the original).
I hope you like it!
Timestamps:
("Part 1" = elements from 0:38-1:30 in the original)
("Part 2" = elements from 1:30-2:47 in the original)
0:00-2:05 - Intro, elements from “Part 2”.
2:05-3:29 - Break and build-up, elements from “Part 2”.
3:29-3:43 - Transition into “Part 1”.
3:43-4:39 - “Chorus”, elements from “Part 1”.
4:39-4:45 - Mini-break, using elements from 1:25-1:30 in the original.
4:45-5:13 - Transition back into “Part 2”.
5:13-5:54 - Break and build-up, elements from "Part 2".
5:54-6:22 - “Chorus”, elements from “Part 1”.
6:22-6:28 - Mini-break, using elements from 1:25-1:30 in the original.
6:28-6:42 - Transition back into “Part 2”.
6:42-7:03 - Outro. -
Sounds solid enough, and opens up sounding pretty clean on the mixing side, but then as soon as you had the track fill out more at :21, this was a mixing mess until :57 for a few moments until the beefed up textures returned at 1:05.
The chorused brass samples are too exposed when they lead, and I wish the brass, drums, and (to a much lesser extent) guitar weren't stumbling over each other in the same frequency range. We'll see what the musician Js think.
If the source files were gone, Grayson, I could still barely pass this, but it would be a YES (borderline) due to the iffy production holding this back, not the conservative but spirited arrangement. Would love to hear an improved mixing job on this, as I could see NOs and conditional YESs based on the current samples and mixing.
-
Contact Information
-
- Your ReMixer name: minusworld, killaGraham
- Your real name: Grayson
Submission Information
-
- Name of game(s) arranged: Paper Mario
- Name of arrangement: Sing Sing Sing Your Heart Out
- Name of individual song(s) arranged: Ghost Gulping (Tubba Blubba's Theme)
- Your own comments about the mix, for example the inspiration behind it, how it was made, etc.
-
This track was made for the Dwelling of Duels competition in August of 2022, where it placed 3rd out of 25. Submitting to DoD enables lots of experimentation for me, so for the August submission I (minusworld) wanted to try a swing metal arrangement. Tubba Blubba's theme from Paper Mario really fit the bill, though it was a bit of a challenge to turn the 45-second loop with only 2 distinct sections to speak of into a solid listening experience. I ended up with a simple ABACA structure, where the A and B sections come from the game and the C section is an original section with solos. I played the guitars and killaGraham played bass. The rest of the instruments are VSTs. Speaking of experimentation, I wanted to see how far I could push a virtual brass section with this track. It's certainly no substitute for real instruments, but I think it makes for a fun track regardless.
The Brass VSTs used were Hollywood Pop Brass and Vir2 Mojo. The title of the arrangement is a reference to "Sing Sing Sing" popularized by Benny Goodman and to Tubba Blubba, who separates his heart from his body in order to become "invincible" in the game.
-
*NO* 1943 "Kido Bu-bye"
in Judges Decisions
Posted
Whoa, definitely a very hidden away unlock for me; haven't heard this theme in over 30 years, yet here we are. Thanks for turning over this nostalgia stone I forgot I had!
Sounds at :06 seemed very muddy and abrasive in the build to the melody arriving. It almost sounded like rapid-fire punch SFX in the right channel at :07, it didn't make sense.
Small thing, but an example of detail work being missed; the tick-a-tick-a hat writing at from :08-:19 was too loud, then when it dropped out, you hear how a bunch of corresponding sizzly noise abruptly drops out, leaving the soundscape super empty.
I also hear what prophetik's saying about the imbalance between the parts. The beats shouldn't be what's cutting through into the foreground, relative to the melody and countermelody.
The textures did grate when it happened, so watch it, but I really, really liked the layering/chorusing of the melody around :53 & :57-1:00, which also allowed for a melodic variation.
Oof, VERY vanilla and plodding beats from 1:11-1:23; that was already a problem the entire way, just exacerbated in that section. You've gotta keep in mind that no matter what other percussion is going on in your textures, if there's one element that's way louder and it's also super metronome-y (i.e. that kick), then the whole thing sounds thin, empty, and droning. The perc writing ultimately comes off lonely and barren there.
Dropoff and changeup into some brief Manheim Steamroller-esque stuff from 1:32-1:55; though it felt non sequitur, there was nothing wrong with it and the transitions were fine; I dug it.
Though some piercing higher frequencies were there until 2:06, I liked the instrumentation ideas at 1:54 and 2:07; why that was all saved for just the last few seconds, I have no idea. Nice ideas for contrast, as well as a way to play with the textures and (for the latter) the tempo. Interesting finish at least, even if it seemed premature for the length of the track.
Needs more appropriate mixing/balancing of the parts. Not sure what setup you have that's allowing you to overlook grating and piercing sounds, but it's hampering things. The drum writing has to become more sophisticated and cohesive; again, even if you have creative writing for some parts, a vanilla, plain core beat will sound boring and stagnant if all the other percussive elements aren't mixed properly and aren't reasonably audible.
If you're able to rebalance this and make it sound cohesive, you could likely keep the length the same, but I think it would be a slog. As I've said before, I'm jealous of your ability to make music and hope you continue down your path. This isn't close to passing in this form, but your arrangement ideas are creative, so continue working on cohesive percussion/beat writing & mixing so that your track's foundations are stronger.
NO (resubmit)