Hey @Somewareman, sorry I didn't notice this sooner. Please, if I forget, just tell me again. I won't be mad if you pester me. Here's what I'm hearing.
the textures have significant clutter because the reverb on the drums affects too large a range of frequencies in the low end.
there's a bit too many instruments playing at the same time sometimes, while also being similar textures in similar frequency ranges.
the drums have isolated variation that doesn't seem natural compared to the main rhythm you've been using.
the bass sticks out. The best way I can describe it is that it's... too funky.
Some good things though, are that you definitely thought about and implemented melodic variation, there's a clear and satisfying ending, and there are distinct sections in the remix that keep it from sounding too repetitive. Right now it would likely be a NO, but this has potential, and I think you can improve this further in the textural clarity and arrangement progression department.
Arrangement / Sequencing
In general, I think the arrangement definitely has melodic and harmonic variation going on, but what I would do is compare similar segments, such as 0:23 - 1:07 and 1:14 - 1:58, and really consider if the variation in general feels natural or forced, and if there's too much going on.
As an example, the most obvious difference I hear between those two time stamps is that you have more right-panned buzzy saw waves stacked on top at 1:14 - 1:58, but I can't distinguish those notes because there's already a similar soft 80s stab from 0:23 - 1:07 playing at the same time (as a rule of thumb, if I can't transcribe most of the notes by ear, it's not clear enough). What I would do instead, since the soundscape is already quite full, is take out those right-panned saw waves, then focus on changing the notes on the instruments that are already there.
This is a concept you can apply elsewhere as well---think about when adding another sound adds too much to what's going on, and simply consider changing the melodic notes, rhythm, and/or harmonies.
As for the drums, I think you could go back and add a little more variation. To me, it sounds like a few patterns were copy/pasted, and then a bit of isolated variation was added just to where you were going to transition to something new (such as at 1:41 - 1:45), making those transitions sound a bit sudden. It may take some time to figure out. What I usually do is "beat box" the variations while listening back to the non-drum textures in the remix with the drums turned off, and that helps me think of ideas for changing up the rhythm.
You might find it helpful to check out this livestream (22:55 - 30:21) for an idea of how you might go about writing drum parts and layering textures.
Production / Mixing
The main 2 instrument-based things that stand out for me to address are the drums and the bass.
I get that you're going for distant drums. They make sense here. Some concerns I have though, are that the reverb on the kick and snare have too much low end going on. I don't know if you are sidechaining the bass to the kick (sometimes hard to tell), but a bit of that should help subtly push down the bass and reduce muddiness. Also, if your reverb has a setting to adjust the "Low Cut" frequency that it takes in, try raising it to around 200 - 300 Hz so that it generates less reverb for frequencies below that (I did make a tutorial on reverb a while back). Once you try that, you may find yourself having more breathing room in the low end.
Based on the old-school, nostalgic atmosphere you seem to be going for, I would say that a slap/funky bass kinda feels out of place (for example, it sticks out at 1:10 - 1:14 and when it first comes in). Something lighter, softer, and less resonant might do the trick; maybe try something like a fretless bass as a starting point, and it should blend in a little more.
Regarding the mix as a whole, it actually looks like some significant compression was put on it. Compare it without and with the compression; it sounded cleaner before, but the waveform looks like a "sausage", so it doesn't hurt to check (months later) whether it helped or not. It may or may not be contributing to how the drums (especially kick) are competing with the bass. If you happen to be applying this on the master track, instead try compression on the individual channel(s) that you think needs it.