The percussion doesn't really sit well in this mix. It's lacking in definition, drowning in the pads and strings; percussion in this context really needs to be a solid anchor, not something far away in the background.
I think a lot of your lead instruments are lacking in definition too; this is bad, coming from me, because I generally like glassy leads.
I think this piece needs a more solid direction; right now it just floats around aimlessly. Ground the piece with your percussion and a bassline. Also, the source is not as complex as you think it is. They're not all different melodies going on at the same time; they're different parts working together to support and embellish the melody. Try to break that down and don't feel obligated to use everything. Some of it is just comping chords, and you can always write your own version of that.
NO