not bad for a new guy
however, the mixdown isn't that solid. the bass might be a little too big, this could come down to a personal taste question. the drums are not big enough in the mix, they really feel subdued and don't share as much space as the rest of the mix.
as far as the arrangement, it's kinda close...thought i really think to put this one over the bar would be to put some kinda improvised/altered version of the original melody in there. i hear the original in there twice, it would be good to have it have a little of your own spin on it.
personally i think this will probably get a "no, resubmit" if submitted as is.
nice start though.