My first thought was that this mix sounds rather low-fi - that of course changes as the track develops.
The track is relatively enjoyable. It has a good sound to it. The instrument choice is nice.
Hmm, I think my first thought is that the instruments don't fall well into the "space". You have a percussion-like beat in the background that fades in and fades out, for example - when it's at its full volume, it still sounds very up-front and has a lot of presence. It also fades out. What happens then is that I'm not really sure what the story is supposed to be - is it instruments playing in a chamber while the guy playing the percussion kind of moves around?
I like the clean guitar that introduces the song, as well as the piano. I think they are well-placed.
There's an electric guitar that sounds a bit too sharp for my taste - in addition, there's some kind of explosion that happens in the introduction and I'm not sure it fits.
The other issue I have is thematic - the same motif is repeated many times throughout the song. In fact, it's the only prominent theme in the song. I think some more variety will benefit the song greatly.
Anyway, that's my quick take on it. Good work so far, keep working on it.