AMT Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Hey all, I'm redoing a song that got NO'd a little while ago in hopes of resubmitting it. It's a punk-ish mix of two songs from the game The World Ends With You. Here's my new version: EDIT: Made revisions after Mod Review. Final thoughts? AFTER MOD REVIEW: Previous (FINAL): http://tindeck.com/listen/fkej Previous: (REV4): url=http://tindeck.com/listen/fvxc Previous: (REV3): url=http://tindeck.com/listen/llto Previous: (REV2) http://tindeck.com/listen/molp Previous: (REV1): http://tindeck.com/listen/fnsk The old judge's decision thread can be found here (source songs are there too) and the old version of this mix is here. I really want to get this to submittable quality, so please leave feedback and criticism! Thanks for taking the time to listen. Sources: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirby Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I think it sounds fine, but then again, you had me at TWEWY. :3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I saw this one in the rejection thread and was very curious about it - I'm glad you've decided to put it up in the WIP forum . Very appropriate style change - I think that'll make this great source more listenable to the general audience (let's face it - while TWEWY has an incredible soundtrack it does tend to lose a lot of people with it's J-pop style). As the J's said, great style choice. I like the instrument choices, but the guitars are all mixed up in the same sonic area, causing all the muddiness. One trick that guitarists use to spread the guitar sound better is to take the rhythm guitars and left & right pan them. It thickens the sound and gives some room in the center of the mix for the vocals/bass/drums to shine. Right now I think the arrangement is pretty good - I suspect you worked it through before posting it up here? There's a lot of nifty little changes that you made which leads me to believe that the arrangement should now pass, no problem. While the voice is actually a great one for this genre, I still agree with the judges when it comes to the intonation issues. A little autotune won't hurt too much, here, but it would be ideal if you could be more precise when you strike the notes. One of the things that makes bands like Offspring work with this style is that while they have a neutral, almost speech-like timbre (much like your voice), they tend to be pretty accurate with their intonation. If it's tricky to keep the intonation accurate with the decorations you sprinkle in there, consider singing the song straight - intonation is important enough where if you can't keep it together with the decorations then you should drop the decorations altogether. Notice that I didn't ask you to find a different singer, though - I actually can't imagine a better voice for this song. You just need to get the intonation down, since that will still nail you come the next panel process. I hope this helps you get this to a postable state - we really, REALLY need some TWEWY remixes on this site, and this would be a great mix to satisfy that need with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mak Eightman Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Hey Man! Looks like i'm late:mrgreen: Damn.. Not sure you'll appreciate this feedback.. Great decision for intro! Guitar sounds lot better in here) I can feel some energy direction, but I'm kinda confused with your production here, after Burning da castle mix. Overall it sounds like a mess. For some reason you holding your guitars somewhere in 300-600Hz range, also your voice is in this range. At least to my ears. Too much chorus for vocal, I'd suggest to keep lead vocal at center, and compliment it with a panned vocal tracks only in high dynamic sections. Cause now you have: (lead vocal + Back vocals + rhythm guitars + lead guitar + "chorused" synth) x (almost same Freqs range + too wide sound scape) = MESS:? 1:04-1:17 vocal sounds kinda out of place. And 1:18-1:31 very nice things going on here! But that mess, i mentioned before, killing me. 1:46-1:54 and 2:22-2:35 bass sounds too loud, I think loudness you used for bass guitar in this two sections is a same for entire mix, so you may add it to the equation above, I think.. I like the snare, but hi-hats sounds kinda over-compressed. Love the Toms, but Ride makes me feel FL's ghost here for some reason. And I'd suggest you to try for Kick's EQ something like that: 60-80Hz/5-6dB/Q 3-5 || 150-200Hz/-6/8dB/Q 5-6 || 5-6kHz/5-3dB/Q 1-2.. If you still using Addictive. And mess with attack/sustain for kick. At the end, previous version was better. But this has a potential. Hope I wasn't rude.. Sorry for my english. Edit: damn, I was too slow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 Thank you all so much for the input! Don't worry mak, you weren't rude at all Here's the updated version: I decided to go for more aggressive vocals to carry the song along- I've never been a pretty singer, so I figure I should try playing to my strengths instead of forcing something unnatural out. The vocal takes still need work, but I think they're better than the previous. Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 Any more feedback? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I can get to this in a few days. Don't have anything to listen with right now, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mak Eightman Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Vocals sounds really better to my ears now. Bass at the proper level, so as and rest of the track imo. But your lead guitar messing your vocals again. Drop it in loudness or pan it to anywhere, add some gentle effect(flang,phaz,delay,whatever) and cut mid freqs(cuz now lead and rhythm somewhere very close in freqs imo). After that you have to work with master track. Compress a bit? Some EQ'ing? Still loving it! p.s. remember what I made with THIS mix in past? If you wait for about 3-5 months, we can expand it together:mrgreen: maybe.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave the Rave Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Vocals sounds really better to my ears now. Bass at the proper level, so as and rest of the track imo. But your lead guitar messing your vocals again. Drop it in loudness or pan it to anywhere, add some gentle effect(flang,phaz,delay,whatever) and cut mid freqs(cuz now lead and rhythm somewhere very close in freqs imo). I agree. I can hear the "Deja vu" part perfectly fine, but I could bearly hear you in the "Calling" parts of this song. I think you should make the lead guitar alittle bit quieter, that should do the trick. But anyway, keep up the good work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 I think this may be the final version! Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Alright, here are my thoughts on this one. Overall the mix is a whole lot better. The sound is pretty clean, and the sounds all come out nicely. I personally think that you could use a little spread on the bass to give the track a little more meat, but otherwise it sounds quite good. I think the production hurdle has been passed. The intonation... urgh. I know it probably bugs you by now, but it really needs to be more precise than this. Some moments the slides and dives work well in that style (like the slides at 0:14, for example), but other parts (like the higher note at 0:34 - you overshoot that one) you really need to hit the notes more precisely. Some sections are very off, as opposed to missed notes (like 1:33 - 1:39... nothing seems to hit in tune, in that passage) It bugs me because I could see this being passable otherwise, but it's a large enough issue where I can see this landing in the NO, RESUB section again easily. I can give you a more detailed post on the specific tone issues, if you'd like (time stamps + issues), though I'm a bit tired to go through in that much detail right now. It's a lot of little things that add up to a fair sized issue with the vocals. I have a feeling that's about the only thing that I can do to really help you with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Alright, I attempted to fix the pitch issues on the vocals. Is this better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Anyone? I want to change this to mod review soon, hopefully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 The tonation is much better overall. When you say 'Wake up!' there is still a tendancy to hit the note sharp to the point of being a different note, though (hitting a high note from the bottom like that is really tricky, actually), as well as having the tendency to dive a bit low when you get to the lowest ranges. It's much, much bettter, though - trust me, the mods won't mind giving this a listen if you put into mod review. This is close enough to OCR standard for a mod review. Sorry if I don't have any specific singing techniques that could help you out - I think I'll ask one of the singers here to see if they have anything specific to say about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Ok, this is the final version- I don't think I'm going to be able to improve it past this. Mods, review? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 I think the vocals are alright, now, intonation-wise. Toward the end especially, though, there's a little clutter in the mixing, so turning down the chatter clip might help clean up the clutter. Overall the voice is a TOUCH hard to hear - maybe turn the track down a hair so the voice can be heard over it better. Other than that, I like. It's pretty close to resub, imo - let's see what the mods think of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 Bump for mod review Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Level 99 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I know I know, hush up, brah. First off, TWEWY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Before I get into my own personal feelings about this, let me say that right now the arrangement is very easy to source identify, so you got that in the bag. The only thing that would hold this back is the mixing/mastering. I think its close to borderline, but on the side of passing. Mostly its the muddying in the mid-highs and the drum muffling. Vocals could be processed a little better, even with all the effects you have on them. They definitely either clash or bury the song at points, mostly during the chorus. Maybe just some spitshine to nail the frequencies of the vocals and a little bit of low/high boost on the master channel. you know what, i'm just gonna PM you my personal thoughts. Great fucking job here though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 Thanks for the help Stevo! Did the changes you suggested; how's this sounding? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caesura Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Thats pretty awesome, this would be the first TWEETY mix to make it on right? This is probably an out there suggestion but maybe hardcore screams would be cool if they were used as backup vocals on some of the build up parts, just enough to power up the main vocals a bit. Anyway great work, listening to this really made my day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Backup vocals are a great addition - if that was Stevo's idea, it was a great one. A damn shame they only make one appearance in the track, though... I'd be a very happy person if they came in, say, whenever you said 'Wake up!' toward the end of the song. Personal preference, though. I think this will be a pass, if you were to submit it, now. There ARE still some intonation issues with the lower leaps, but I don't think they'll be a deal breaker. Overall, this is just a great track; thanks for giving TWEWY some love. If you're comfortable with it now, I'd say submit it. Great work, man. Also, lol @ Caesura & TWEETY. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Thanks for all the help guys! Sent it to a judge to get final feedback before resubbing. Gario, there are backup vocals in the chorus, pre-chorus (Let me go, gravity...), and the bridge (Where did we meet before...). Which ones are you referring to? The only time there aren't background vocals are during the "Calling" verses and the very end where they drop out to give room to the spoken word bit. I'm curious to know which part you're saying works the best. Thanks again for all your help, I wouldn't have been able to get it here otherwise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Level 99 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I meant to respond to your IM, just wanted to say you nailed it minus the mastering on the version you previously sent me. If you mixed up that mastering then you're golden! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 The bridge is what I was thinking of - they really stand out, there. Of course it would ruin the effect if they were there all the time, but hearing them just a touch more would make me happy . Really great work on this, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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