OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!

[Rexy]

Ha ha! I never played the games, but from what I can tell, I like this guy. I think this quote belongs in the bio much more than information about technical achievements on the PS1.

It's kind of odd to figure out the context though, because it's actually a huge spoiler for Crash of the Titans; last line of the game at that. Think there may need to be a bit of a debate over this xD

Either way, taken the recent crits into account with a fresh revision:

---

A breakthrough in platform video-game design, Crash Bandicoot started life on the Sony Playstation, going as far as being an unofficial mascot for the system throughout the 1990s.

A reject from Dr Neo Cortex's globe-dominating mutant army, Crash typically sets out to stop whatever diabolical scheme Cortex has to take over the world, usually involving the power of tall purple 'power crystals'. In spite of being enemies, there have been instances of Crash and Cortex working together throughout the series' progression, usually against a different foe.

Crash is often joined by the guardian mask Aku Aku, who acts as a mentor and shield; his sister Coco, a much smarter bandicoot capable of hacking into Cortex's data systems and building many gadgets including the virtual 'warp rooms' early on in the series' run; Crunch, an unrelated bandicoot who is obsessed with his fitness and strength; and many small animals that guide them from place to place, including a polar bear cub, a t-rex hatchling and a tiger cub.

Crash himself is highly expressive in spite of his limited verbal skills, mostly through exaggerated body language. He's not afraid of getting hurt even with Aku Aku getting in the way, and he would easily throw himself in the line of danger just to do what's right. His range of attacks originally started with a jump and a spin attack - which solidified his namesake due to his 'crashing' into boxes this way - but he eventually learnt new tricks over time, including the belly flop, a slide attack, and even wielding a fruit bazooka! Outside of his adventuring time, he can be seen relaxing at the beach, whether it be sunbathing, wakeboarding, feasting on wumpa fruit, or spending time with his sister Coco and friend Crunch.

The original Crash title was critically acclaimed for their 3D-on-rails game design and cartoony visuals, and has sold over 6 million units worldwide. Additionally, Crash is one of very few Western-created game franchises to receive a huge following in Japan. This was further helped by having new cosmetic additions and bonuses exclusive to the Japanese releases, with some being brought back into future Western releases including Crash's signature victory dance and the recurring joke character Fake Crash.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crash_Bandicoot

http://www.stanford.edu/group/htgg/cgi-bin/drupal/sites/default/files2/jdelahunt_2004_1.pdf

Edited June 7, 2013 by Rexy

[Liontamer]

In spite of being enemies, there have been instances of Crash and Cortex working together throughout the series' progression, usually against a common foe opposing both of them.

"usually against a common foe opposing both of them." -> "usually against a common foe."

I'd say make that minor edit because the second part is redundant.

[Rexy]

Cheers, editing that now to save Polo some much needed stress

[Darklink42]

Has anybody called dibs on Skullkid?

[Dafydd]

It's kind of odd to figure out the context though, because it's actually a huge spoiler for Crash of the Titans; last line of the game at that. Think there may need to be a bit of a debate over this xD

I didn't realize that was a spoiler. I guess that changes things. Shame though!

In spite of being enemies, there have been instances of Crash and Cortex working together throughout the series' progression, usually against a different foe.

You mean "common", not "different", right? Or is there a reason you changed that word? Different from... what? With the word "different" there, it almost sounds as if when they're not working together against another foe, they're working together against... each other. Which, um. I...

his sister Coco, a much smarter bandicoot capable of hacking into Cortex's data systems and building many gadgets, including the virtual 'warp rooms' early on in the series' run;

Moar comma, plz. I added one.

Crunch, an unrelated bandicoot who is obsessed with his fitness and strength;

I think "who is" could be replaced by a comma as well.

a polar bear cub, a t-rex hatchling and a tiger cub.

Group the cubs together. "a polar bear cub, a tiger cub, and a t-rex hatchling" works better.

his sister Coco and friend Crunch.

They were already introduced, so leave it at "Coco and Crunch".

The original Crash title was critically acclaimed for their 3D-on-rails game design

"acclaimed for its", right? Or "Crash titles were".

brought back into future Western releases, including Crash's signature victory dance and the recurring joke character Fake Crash.

Comma added, for great justice.

[Dafydd]

Has anybody called dibs on Skullkid?

Not that I'm aware.

[Dafydd]

earth (known as Venus), fire (Mars), wind (Jupiter), or water (Mercury)

Well, someone slept all the way through astronomy class But I guess it makes sense from a mythological perspective. Anyway...

Eons ago, the ancients deemed these powers too dangerous, and thus sealed them away using four jewels known as the Elemental Stars.

Personally, I would prefer "and so they" over "and thus" in this context, but it's up to you.

Raiders come to seek the truth in those tales, and in so doing trigger a trap which kills Isaac's father, along with the parents and brother of his friend Jenna.

Jenna is not mentioned again anywhere in the bio, so at this point, she's just a name that I would consider removing altogether.

Isaac and Garet began studying the art heavily over the next three years.

Mind the tense.

This strength is eventually passed on to his son, who is the main character of the third game, Dark Dawn. By this point, both Isaac and Garet have trained their children, Matthew and Tyrell respectively, in both Psynergy and more traditional weapons. These skills are of great aid to Matthew when he must start his own quest, one that takes him all over northern Weyard 30 years after father's famous journey.

This is a little too much stuff focusing on Isaac's son rather than Isaac himself. It's as if everything you told us up until this point was just a background story for Matthew, and that he, rather than Isaac, was the protagonist all along.

[Mirby]

How would the focus be on Matthew if he's only mentioned at the end, and even then it's just to show that Isaac is still around and that his legacy lives on within his son? In addition, I mentioned Jenna because she is a main character in the games and it would be weird to just say "along with the parents and brother of another."

As for the names of the elements, don't blame me. That's what they are in-game.

[Polo]

Ace Card:

- To help you better connect Alucard's personality to his history, try rewording the sentences after "left his father's fortress" like so: "However, his cursed blood constantly reminds him of his direct affiliation to Dracula, and he never got over his mother's death. As a result, Alucard is cold and distant with other people, hiding his emotions behind his lonely facade." This way you 1) shift the focus smoothly from past to personality, 2) illustrate the effects of the former on the latter more clearly, and 3) combine the parts of Alucard's relationships to others into the same sentence. You also want to establish the feud/eternal battle between father and son once and clearly, so the idea about him exiling himself from the world might work later on (see below).

- "dark spells allowing him" --> "casting dark spells that allow him" (in lists like these, starting each item with a verb [not just having the same verb tense] helps)

- "However, he's determined, leaves nothing to chance..." --> Lift this sentence out of the way so you can bridge the gap between describing Alucard's powers and when he uses them. (Also, cut "numerous" from that sentence because you already say "large variety [of powers].")

- After "who declared war against humanity," you can add the bit about Alucard sealing himself away like this: "Alucard's immortality allowed him to thwart Dracula's plans each time he came back to life, and after every encounter, he exiled himself from the world, sleeping in a buried coffin." (You don't need to specify the 300-year span because Dracula's return cycles aren't fixed.)

- "The struggle between Dracula and Alucard is eternal." --> For variety, instead of "Dracula and Alucard," try "the father and son" or "the two vampires" or something. THEN you can add that sentence lifted earlier: "However, Alucard is determined, leaves nothing to chance, and will do everything that is needed to defeat his evil father." ("and other threats" doesn't have a reason to be here now)

- Unfortunately, it seems like Alucard's role as Genya Arikado doesn't hold its own within the context, as it feels more and more like an afterthought. (It is, after all, linked to the spoiler that Dracula's defeated once and for all.) So that sentence will have to go. Sorry.

So yeah, the ideas were there, and they were strong. They just needed the right glue in the right places.

Eye Sack:

- "along with the parents and brother of his friend Jenna" --> Considering Dafydd's concern, maybe "and other villagers" would cover the other unfortunate victims.

Isaac and Garet began studying the art heavily over the next three years.

Mind the tense.

Do you mean "began to study"? Or "set themselves to studying (over the years)"?

- Perhaps to shorten the emphasis on Matthew, you can try: "His strengths are eventually passed on to his son, who embarks on his own quest in the third game, Dark Dawn." Leaving it as "passed on" can imply either heredity or hands-on training while saving on words. Saying he's the main character may be a little redundant when you consider that he's Isaac's son, and Isaac was a main character himself. *shrug*

Crashed Banned Cooties: I agree with everything Dafydd brought up, except:

Crunch, an unrelated bandicoot who is obsessed with his fitness and strength;

I think "who is" could be replaced by a comma as well.

Instead of a comma, I think adding "own" after "his" would help keep the meaning the way it's meant to be. Observe the truncated versions:

"Crash is often joined by Crunch, an unrelated bandicoot obsessed with his fitness and strength" --> Could be either Crash's fitness and strength Crunch is obsessed with or his own.

"Crash is often joined by Crunch, an unrelated bandicoot, obsessed with his fitness and strength" --> Crash is joined by someone, but he himself (Crash) is obsessed with his body.

"Crash is often joined by Crunch, an unrelated bandicoot obsessed with his own fitness and strength" --> Clear enough, methinks.

[Mirby]

*sigh*

I don't remember having this much trouble when I was writing the Zero bio... Edit incoming...

Also I'm leaving it as "began studying" because it's short, it's concise, and that point is when they started to study the art. I see no issues with the tense given the facts around the situation. In addition, those are the only casualties of the incident, and those three casualties are very important (especially given that it's revealed within Sol Sanctum that they may not be dead at all... it's really early on, and though I'm not mentioning it in the bio, it's all related).

Honestly, I'm not really happy with all this rephrasing because it seems misleading and inaccurate to what happens in the games. By completely leaving out Kraden, there's no reason for them to go to Sol Sanctum. It's at Kraden's insistence (given his origins) that they go there in the first place, and by neglecting to even name him, it sounds like they just happen to go there as a course of their studies when that isn't what happens at all. If this is to give a brief history of the character along with their personality, it should be accurate to their history. And, as I said, the phrasing y'all have currently suggested I use seems to be misleading. And as a video game historian, it's a major pet peeve of mine to give out any possibly incorrect information, especially when it pertains to one of my favorite games.

I'll rephrase things if they're unclear, but I'm not going to rephrase them further if it endangers the accuracy of the information I am presenting here. I hope you understand.

----

"If you're not here to help my friend, then get out of my way, so I can do it myself!"

In the world of Weyard, there are gifted individuals who, using the powers of Psynergy and Alchemy, can control one of the four elements. These people are known as Adepts, and can manipulate the powers of earth (known as Venus), fire (Mars), wind (Jupiter), or water (Mercury) to their advantage. Eons ago, the ancients deemed these powers too dangerous, and thus sealed them away using four jewels known as the Elemental Stars. The effects of this lost legend resurface centuries later in a small mountain village known as Vale, and life changes quickly for a young Venus Adept named Isaac.

Raiders come to seek the truth in those tales, and in so doing trigger a trap which kills Isaac's father, along with the parents and brother of a close friend. Isaac and his friend Garet run into the sole survivors of the raiding party while looking for help, and are promptly rendered unconscious. Feeling as if those they lost could have been saved had they been more skilled with Psynergy, Isaac and Garet begin studying the art heavily over the next three years. At the insistence of their teacher, their studies lead them to Sol Sanctum, an ancient shrine dedicated to the sun that few may enter. Once they do, the group becomes part of events that could very well change them and the world they live in forever.

Much like the element he controls, Isaac is a resolute individual with a slight stubborn streak. He's very kind-hearted, and will strongly trust those he counts as friends. Isaac also prefers to think things through instead of deciding hastily, examining all angles to ensure he's coming to the proper conclusion. Once he makes up his mind, he'll see it through to the end, no matter what. Although he's a silent protagonist in the first Golden Sun, he gains the ability to speak in its sequel, The Lost Age. By the end of the events in that game, Isaac is seen as one of the most powerful Venus Adepts alive. This strength is eventually passed on to his son, who learns all he knows from Isaac as he embarks on a quest that takes him all over northern Weyard 30 years after his father's famous quest.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Mirby

[Dafydd]

How would the focus be on Matthew if he's only mentioned at the end, and even then it's just to show that Isaac is still around and that his legacy lives on within his son?

It looks much better now. Thanks!

In addition, I mentioned Jenna because she is a main character in the games and it would be weird to just say "along with the parents and brother of another."

Sure, but the way the bio reads now, it looks as if it's all about Isaac and Garet; Jenna becomes nothing more than a name. You could write "along with family members of a close friend" - if that friend is never mentioned again, it matters little to the reader which friend, or which specific family members of that friend. The reader doesn't know about the revelations at Sol Sanctum, and this way you aren't misconstruing anything, just leaving out unnecessary detail.

Also I'm leaving it as "began studying" because it's short, it's concise, and that point is when they started to study the art. I see no issues with the tense given the facts around the situation.

Here's the problem (present tense bolded, past tense italicized):

Raiders come to seek the truth in those tales, and in so doing trigger a trap which kills Isaac's father, along with the parents and brother of his friend Jenna. Isaac and his friend Garet run into the sole survivors of the raiding party while looking for help, and are promptly rendered unconscious. Feeling as if those they lost could have been saved had they been more skilled with Psynergy, Isaac and Garet began studying the art heavily over the next three years. At the insistence of their teacher, their studies lead them to Sol Sanctum, an ancient shrine dedicated to the sun that few may enter. Once they do, the group becomes part of events that could very well change them and the world they live in forever.

I left some of this in normal print because "lead" could be either present or past tense, and the "Feeling as if" works either way. The problem here is, "began" is the only past tense verb in there (excepting subclauses), and you're writing in past tense about something that happens after something that you're using present tense for in the preceding sentence. So, everything happens now, except studying Psynergy, which has already happened. For comparison, "Isaac is a pretty slim guy. One day, Isaac goes for a huge burger. Because he likes burgers, he began eating one every day over the next three years. He then gets really fat." Change "began" for "begin" and that problem is solved.

Honestly, I'm not really happy with all this rephrasing because it seems misleading and inaccurate to what happens in the games.

This is a valid concern, and you're right to bring it up, but I'm sure we can find ways to phrase things without losing accuracy. It's one of the things we're here for, after all.

As for the names of the elements, don't blame me. That's what they are in-game.

Of course I'm not blaming you, and I apologize if I made it sound that way.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Dafydd

[Mirby]

I'm glad you understood. Edited the previous post with the two things you pointed out. Should be fine now, but let me know if there's anything else I should fix.

[Polo]

Much clearer. I especially like how you added "At the insistence of their teacher" to stick with the essentials. I know our advice isn't perfect (partly because we don't know the history of every mascot added), so clarifications on why you keep some details in your drafts can (as Dafydd says) help us come up with ways to integrate said info without losing focus.

This looks ready for the OCRWiki. Any lingering doubts, my fellow editor?

[Dafydd]

Looks good enough to me. Thanks for sticking with it, Mirby.

I'm glad you understood.

If we weren't both reasonable people and nitpicky bastards, we'd have no business being the editors.

We now have 4 outstanding, in-progress bios, plus Proto Man, which I'm claiming now.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Dafydd

[Chernabogue]

New update. I changed a bit the place of some sentences and followed Polo's feedback. Not sure about the ending, but I tried something that felt more "ending" than previously.

----

Alucard

"You have been doomed ever since you lost the ability to love."

Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes is the half-vampire son of Count Dracula and Lisa, a kindhearted medicine woman. He was raised by his loving mother, who taught him to respect humans as equals. One fateful night, villagers convicted Lisa of witchcraft. Moments before being executed, she begged Adrian not to seek revenge against humankind; in a fit of rage, Dracula cast a curse on Europe and unleashed his army of monsters on humanity. Disgusted, Adrian took the pseudonym of Alucard (Dracula spelled backwards, to show his complete opposition to him) and left his father's fortress. Unfortunately, his cursed blood constantly reminds him of his direct affiliation to Dracula, and he never got over his mother's death. As a result, Alucard is cold and distant with other people, hiding his emotions behind his lonely façade. However, he is determined, leaves nothing to chance, and will do everything necessary to defeat his evil father.

Being half-vampire, Alucard possesses superhuman strength and speed. He commands a large variety of powers: shapeshifting into a wolf, a bat, or even a cloud of mist; casting dark spells that allow him to suck his enemies' vital energy; and summoning various Familiars to assist him. Across centuries, he has used his powers to help the Belmonts, holy warriors, to fight a now-mad Dracula, who declared war on humanity. Alucard's immortality has allowed him to thwart his father's plans each time he has come back to life, and after every encounter, exile himself from the world, sleeping in a buried coffin. The struggle between the two vampires is eternal: whenever the evil Count will rise from his grave, his son will be there to confront him.

Selected Game Appearances

NES

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse (1989)

Playstation

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (1997)

Game Boy Advance

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (2003)

Nintendo DS

Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow (2005)

References

http://castlevania.wikia.com/wiki/Alucard (Castlevania Wiki)

http://www.vgmuseum.com/mrp/heroes-main.htm (Mr.P's Castlevania Realm)

Edited June 14, 2013 by Chernabogue

[Unununium]

Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes is the half-vampire son of the evil Count Dracula and Lisa, a kind medicine woman.

Every time I read this, I mentally insert "of" to get "a kind of medicine woman". Stupid of me, I know, but I bet at least someone else out there is doing the same. Perhaps replace "kind" with "kindly" to dodge the issue.

Whenever I see a list ("Dracula and Lisa" in this case) preceded by an adjective of some sort, I have a hard time telling whether or not said adjective applies only to the first element. This leaves me wondering how Lisa could be evil and kind. Again, I could be the only one who does this, but if it bothers you too, you could break up the list a little bit. Assuming Dracula and Lisa were married (I don't know this), insert a few words to get "and his bride Lisa". This way both members of the list have individual descriptive prefixes, so there's no temptation to conflate them.

All together: "Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes is the half-vampire son of the evil Count Dracula and his bride Lisa, a kindly medicine woman."

One fateful night, villagers accused Lisa of witchcraft.

It sounds like they did more than merely accuse. "Convicted" perhaps, or "condemned Lisa as a witch"?

She begged Adrian not to seek revenge against humans just before being executed before his eyes.

For some reason, this reads to me as if her injunction against revenge is conditional, as if revenge may be permissible when she is not being executed. I suggest rearranging: "Moments before being executed, she begged Adrian not to seek revenge against humans."

As for "before his eyes", (1) you say before twice with only two words between, and (2) I think this is implied by the short timescale ("moments" I say) and her begging him (therefore they are in very close proximity). But if you can work it back into the sentence to increase the emotional weight, go for it.

Dracula, enraged, cast a curse on Europe and launched his army of creatures against humanity.

I suggest "unleashed" instead of "launched," though I do enjoy the mental image of werewolves and zombies being hurled by catapult. That would have been a much better game. Konami, take note!

Disgusted by this, Adrian took the pseudonym of Alucard (Dracula spelled backwards, to show his total opposition to him) and left his father's fortress.

How about "complete" instead of "total"?

Does "by this" need to be there? Is there any doubt about what would disgust Adrian?

As a result, Alucard is cold and distant with other people, hiding his emotions behind his lonely facade.

I prefer to spell it "façade" to remind myself to not horribly mispronounce it à la My Fellow Americans.

However, he's determined, leaves nothing to chance, and will do everything that is needed to defeat his evil father.

I think "he is determined" sounds more... determined. The informal tone of the contraction seems out of place to me. "That is needed" could be written "necessary" to tighten up the last part of the sentence which otherwise drags a bit.

He can also use a large variety of powers:

How about, "He commands a large variety of powers:"? This has better symmetry with the previous sentence which uses the single word "possesses" to describe his relationship with vampiric traits. What's more, it avoids repetition with the next sentence which says, "he used his powers."

The struggle between the two vampires is eternal: whenever the evil count will rise from his grave, his son will be here to confront him.

I suggest "there" instead of "here" to make it clear that they're coming together. Otherwise I get the feeling that whenever the evil count (should that be capitalized, by the way?) rises, Adrian will merely post about it here on the forums.

[Dafydd]

Element 111 strikes again! Some of those points I have already made, but failed to motivate as clearly. Some I was about to make, but hadn't gotten around to. Most of them I agree with completely, but I have comments on a few:

Every time I read this, I mentally insert "of" to get "a kind of medicine woman". Stupid of me, I know, but I bet at least someone else out there is doing the same. Perhaps replace "kind" with "kindly" to dodge the issue.

I do it too, every single time. I'm not sure 'kindly' means the same thing, however, and would prefer 'kindhearted' because it sounds more like a motherly trait than does 'kindly'.

The word 'humans' is still there in the bio, and it bothers me. Maybe it could be replaced by 'humankind' there so as to not repeat the word 'humanity' too many times.

Also, "his complete opposition to him" does sound better, but I still have trouble with the 'to', even though I know it's correct, and I'm wrong. It would sound so much better with 'of' instead (it's more common than 'against', at least), but that's personal preference, and I won't mention it again.

How about, "He commands a large variety of powers:"?

Either that, or you could go with "He has a large variety of powers at his disposal", which is what I think was meant by the original "disposes of a large variety of powers". I prefer 'commands' because it makes Alucard sound more powerful.

Otherwise I get the feeling that whenever the evil count (should that be capitalized, by the way?) rises, Adrian will merely post about it here on the forums.

Hahahaha It's almost like those people who like facebook statuses to cure cancer... certainly a newfangled way to fight vampires.

Finally, the colon at the end looks to me as if it's moonlighting as a semicolon, but I could be very wrong.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Dafydd

[Unununium]

I'm not sure 'kindly' means the same thing, however, and would prefer 'kindhearted' because it sounds more like a motherly trait than does 'kindly'.

+1 kindhearted. Yes. I picked a short word because I wanted to show how a problem can be fixed with a little change, but "kindhearted" not only fixes the problem but adds characterization without bloat. What's more, it reinforces the family tie central to Adrian's motives.

[Mirby]

One last thing... You're not gonna mention that Isaac appears in Dark Dawn as well? I mean, it's not in the list...

[Liontamer]

One last thing... You're not gonna mention that Isaac appears in Dark Dawn as well? I mean, it's not in the list...

Added; the games listed on in-progress bios right now are just to seed them and get it started; if folks want to list other important appearances, that's fine.

Edited June 10, 2013 by Liontamer

[Polo]

Just to add to the others' notes about Alucard...

- I don't think Lisa's ever referred to as Dracula's bride. To make the "Lisa = evil and kind" bit unambiguous, perhaps "the evil" before "Count Dracula" should be omitted. "Evil" comes up twice later in the bio after it's established that the Count is waging war with humans/humanity/humankind, so those mentions are justified.

- "not to seek revenge against humans" --> I'm guessing this iteration of "humans" could benefit from being changed to "humankind" per Dafydd's suggestion.

- Actually, that last colon is correct because it's expanding upon how/why the struggle between the two is eternal. A semicolon is used before rephrasing something. It's a fine line between the two sometimes.

- Yes, Count should be capitalized when referring to Drac.

[Chernabogue]

I edited my last message with your feedback.

[Polo]

*claps* Solid work, Chernabogue. I approve.

What say you, Mr. Hesselbom?

[Dafydd]

Well, Special Agent Polo, there's still a few minor things I'd like to change.

Moments before being executed, she begged Adrian not to seek revenge against humankind. Dracula, enraged, cast a curse on Europe and unleashed his army of creatures against humanity.

These sentences still end very much the same way. I wonder if it wouldn't be better to say that the army is unleashed on rather than against humanity, and the same thing goes for "declare war against" in the next paragraph. Furthermore, "creatures" feels somewhat meh for an army of zombies and werewolves. How about "nightmarish creatures", "monsters" or something along those lines? In addition, I feel like these two sentences should be joined by some contrasting conjunction, such as "but". That is, "she begged Adrian not to seek revenge against humankind, but Dracula, enraged"... This particular wording might make it sound a little too much like a fairytale, but I think that period needs to be replaced by something that gives the reader less pause, to give this more energy.

Finally,

Alucard's immortality allowed him to thwart his father's plans each time he came back to life, and after every encounter, he exiled himself from the world, sleeping in a buried coffin.

I think "Alucard's immortality has allowed him to" would sound better, as the fight is still on-going (as far as the reader can tell without spoilers). It follows, then, that "each time he came back to life" should be "each time he has come back to life". And perhaps "and after every encounter, exile himself from the world" would sound better - and this is also an ability he has his immortality to thank for, so it works in the sentence.

I think those are my final gripes.

- Actually, that last colon is correct because it's expanding upon how/why the struggle between the two is eternal. A semicolon is used before rephrasing something. It's a fine line between the two sometimes.

Aww, I wasn't sure at all when I said that, but I couldn't pass up the chance to make horrible puns in two subsequent sentences.

Edited June 11, 2013 by Dafydd

[Polo]

So the result(s) would then be:

"Moments before being executed, she begged Adrian not to seek revenge against humankind; in a fit of rage, however, Dracula cast a curse on Europe and unleashed his army of monsters on humanity."

A semicolon can work as a contrast setup without ending the sentence prematurely. If we keep it as "however, Dracula, enraged," it feels like one too many pauses. I'm also thinking the next "However" should be changed to "Unfortunately" to avoid repeating the word and to give a little more weight to Alucard's burdens.

"Across centuries, he used his powers to help the Belmonts, holy warriors, to fight a now-mad Dracula, who declared war on humanity. Alucard's immortality has allowed him to thwart his father's plans each time he has come back to life, and after every encounter, exile himself from the world, sleeping in a buried coffin."

Yeah, declare war on works. Dunno how that slipped by me.

These adjustments OK?