*NO* Super Mario 64 "The Slow Pull of the Space Docks" *RESUB* *PRIORITY*

[Liontamer]

Original Decision

Resubmitting for Mario Month!

 

Contact Information

• Your ReMixer name: meldecision
• Your real name: Mel Choyce-Dwan
• Your email address: 
• Your website: https://meldecision.bandcamp.com/
• Your userid: 37511

Submission Information

• Name of game(s) arranged: Super Mario 64
• Name of arrangement: The Slow Pull of the Space Docks
• Name of individual song(s) arranged: Dire Dire Docks
• Your own comments about the mix:
  I created this piece as part of a challenge to "write an arrangement of any video game song, but make it space-related." I immediately knew that I wanted to do a take on Dire Dire Docks. There's a thin line between deep sea and space, and I wanted to see if I could achieve it. I relied on layering lots of soft pianos and synths, and drenched the whole piece in reverb. I wanted to give the feeling of drifting through space, staring out through the window of a spaceship into the black. Kind of peaceful and a little mysterious, with a touch of awe.
  
  Since I last submitted this mix, I switched up some of the instrumentation, added in some sound candy to the background, added the original's B section, made some minor melodic and harmonic adjustments, toned down the reverb, and cut at least a minute of repetitive content out.

Note: This is resubmission of a piece I previously submitted on 2/19/22: https://ocremix.org/community/topic/51513-no-super-mario-64-the-slow-pull-of-the-space-docks/

 

[Liontamer]

Good atmosphere to start. Right from the rip, the crackling, on-the-fritz electricity and computer stuff felt too repetitive and made me pay attention to that over the theme at :54, so mixing it up more would have been helpful. Maybe it works better when the SFX patterns are integrated into the music's structure, e.g. "Allfactory" or "Clouded Mind and Ringing Ears". I like the changes in the melody and the mood is solid though, especially the chorus, where I dig the piano chords adding some fullness.

At 1:53, I was waiting for something else to happen; finally something new in the writing at 2:06 going over into the bridge; I'd say some subtle instrumentation differences at 1:53 would have been a positive as well. Another iteration of the theme at 2:33 but with touches of original writing over the top to have a different feel along with a brief rhythmic change at 2:51 (which you get used to, but felt out of place with the mood the first time).

For the last iteration at 3:13, some other minor differences in the arranged melody or effects in the last 20 seconds would have been good as well to not feel copy-pasta with such a slow tempo, but it's fine in the big picture and you still have ornamentation in play.

On the whole though, this gets more right than wrong. When you have a slow tempo, things feeling too repetitive/underdeveloped just stand out more, so those criticisms are there, but ultimately don't overshadow the positive aspects of arrangement and interpretation. The slower tempo, melodic changes, spacier tone and new instrumentation are solid enough; fans of Mass Effect and FTL will hopefully enjoy. Let's go, Mel!

YES

[Chimpazilla]

I'm afraid my current thoughts on this mix aren't much different from my original vote.  I hear that the mud and mushy reverb dissonances have been addressed, all of that is gone, but this still sounds like an uncomfortably bare and depressing soundscape.  There seems to be no mastering on the track as it comes in at -6db peak at the loudest point.  The writing is so stiff and simplistic and the arrangement and instrumentation are repetitive.  I believe this concept could still work but it would need much more going on to maintain interest.  I hear it in my mind with some huge dreamy pads playing varied emotive chords, and more sfx drifting in and out of the arrangement like shooting stars.  Right now, as with the previous version, this mix just leaves me flat.  Good luck with the rest of this vote!  

NO

[Liontamer]

It'll sound like I'm saying it's an apples to apples comparison. I voted that this was too flat at the time, but I didn't agree with that vote years later.  It sets a mood and works within those guardrails, so I'd argue that's also what's happening here.

[prophetik music]

i didn't vote on the original in time, but was batsignaled in a vote so i offered a bunch of commentary around the harmonic content and the approach.

6dba headroom, in a negative way. this track needs volumetric expansion, or a very light limiter and compression to balance the dba without affecting the timbre of the instrumentation. there still does not appear to be any true mastering on the track, and a lack of polish/sparkle does not do this track benefits.

i remembered this as soon as i heard that bass synth. there's some interesting electrical/glitchy fx on the track overall, and i like those parts. there's what i believe is added block chords at 2:15, which adds a ton of body to the piece but also stands out as feel more organic vs. the very synthetic feel of the bass and added fx/pads. there's some timing elements here too that don't feel right, like at 2:52, 3:04, and elsewhere.

this is an interesting one. like kris, i don't feel this has enough going on to really comprise a remix. but, similarly, i think Death on the Snowfield is an excellent remix, and that track's highlight is also its simplicity. i believe there's two differences here. the first is that the instrumentation in DotS (acoustic guitar, filtered piano, some synths) fits together much more comfortably than the burble bass synth and the lead piano here, since they're obviously different timbres where as the bass synth and piano here feel very similar and so can be hard to tell apart. the second is that DotS does a better job creating an overall feel and progressing through that in a traditional song 'shape' - starts small, builds, comes back down - than this one does. i think this is a fundamental issue that may require significant rewrite to get around. the natural progression of this remix does not build energy (or quiet resolve) throughout, but instead is fairly flat until 2:15, and then loses that and goes back to the flat by 2:35. the lack of overall shaping hurts the track. you could resolve this through layering new synths or instruments progressively/additively throughout, and then tailing off, or you could handle this via what the piano's doing and not add new material. i think if you do the latter, you have to do some very nuanced filtering to ensure it doesn't leave the beautifully dirty vibe you've got initially in the instrument.

i found it really hard to delineate a single thing as to why this isn't 'enough'. i don't feel that the arrangement is significant enough to carry it past the fundamental composition issue i have with the song's bones. so unfortunately i'm still on the NO side of the fence. a song this simple requires perfect execution to be great. for every Galaxy Map from Mass Effect, you've got a hundred less memorable phases from Steve Reich. identifying what makes a minimalistic track truly memorable and focusing on those elements can only help you here.

 

 

NO

[MindWanderer]

First thing I hear is a bunch of quiet crackling and distortion among the silence, and it's definitely mastered far too quietly, so this can't be more than a CONDITIONAL right off the bat.  But continuing to listen... well, it does take 26 seconds to get to actual music, not a good start...

There's definitely some improvement here, though not as much as I was hoping for. 2:13 begins a 1-minute section of original writing, which is a vast improvement over the original continuing to loop.  It still feels a little long in the tooth by 1:53, but that's only for another 20 seconds.  I do like the key change and the melancholy little riffs.  I'm not enthusiastic about it, but I do think there's just enough dynamism to justify the arrangement.

Gate those artifacts out and master this a little louder and I'm okay with it.

CONDITIONAL

[Rexy]

I love the idea of you bringing such a well-known Mario source into a minor key. It does indeed go through the entire loop - meandering through the A section (0:53-1:26) and ending up being more consistent with its pacing from then on. It's melodically conservative but had done enough with changeups in the melody writing and chord progression to make it feel like its own thing.

Despite this, the soundscape is bare bones - both with the instrumentation *and* the steep 6dB of headroom. You've got the piano facing the same soft dynamics, the synth bass with similar expressions, and a stiff choice of pads and drones. Of course, Kris had already mentioned one idea of opting for thicker pads, and prophetik brought up the idea of adjusting the writing to accommodate drops and builds. Another thing I can bring up, though, is looking into automation with your DAW of choice. It could be with setting envelopes - which would be most effective on your pads - or it could be with working with key switches. It's best not to use it on your piano, though, as you'd want to keep it as natural as possible.

I like the idea, but as of right now, this stagnant execution is holding it back. Whether you decide to break the writing down further or do more tweaks to the background parts of the soundscape, it's all on you. Please, keep at it.

NO (resubmit)

[DarkSim]

Aw man, this is a fantastic idea! The feel of the piece is perfect, and I like the reworking of the melody into a minor key. You've absolutely nailed the 'drifting through space' style, however there isn't much more to the piece. It establishes a mood and then has very little dynamics or movement to keep the listener engaged. On top of that, it's super quiet, and the electrical effects in the background begin to sound very repetitive as it goes on.

Ultimately, I'm left wanting more. A big swell in the middle of the piece, for a climax, as if we're drifting past a planet, star or black hole - some sense of drama - and then a winding down as our ship continues on into the black.

The vibe is just right. There needs to be some more purpose to this, other than just drifting along on autopilot. If you decide to keep with this low-energy, almost lo-fi arrangement, everything else needs to be perfect, such as a more beguiling intro, varied effects, and more depth to the background sound design. Also needs to be mastered louder. Gotta be able to hear what's going on, even in space!

NO (resubmit please!)