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How to remix: a guide for n00bs


Skrypnyk
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So the WiP CrU and I decided to come up with n00b friendly ways to remix your favourite songs into your favourite style of music.

ORKESTRAL: find midi, remove percussion, change every patch to strings

TEKNO: find midi, add obnoxious drumloop

HIPHOP: find midi, remove everything but bassline, add 808, talk about bitches

RAWK: Find midi, replace everything with FL Slayer

MINIMALISM: find midi, delete fucking everything!!

METAL: find midi, add DOUBLE BASSDRUMS

IDM: Find midi, delete everything, insert Absynth, play random notes and presets throughout entire song

TRANCE: find midi, loop 4-on-the-floor-generic-drumloop for 7 minutes

AMBIENT: Find midi, delete everything, insert Absynth, find a pad preset, let it play one note/chord throughout the whole song OR find midi, replace all pads with sytrus presets, wet reverb 100%

JAZZ: Import midi, replace everything with trumpet and sax soundfonts, insert lots of random notes

ELECTRONICA: Import midi, replace everything with hoovers, basses and leads, repeat alot

SPEEDCORE: find midi, make tempo 999, add kickdrum

TERRORCORE: find midi, make tempo 999, add kickdrum, bring pitch of entire song down 1200 cents (optional: add distortion)

NOISECORE: find midi, distort fucking everything

ETHNIC: Import midi, change every instrument to marimba

JUMP UP: Import midi, hit magik 'Aphrodite greatest hit' button

POLKA: Import midi, replace everything with accordeon soundfont, accent off-beats

DRUM & BASS: Import midi, add amen break, loop for 6 minutes

CRUNK: Import midi, WHAT!?, IMPORT MIDI!!!, OK!!, add 808s, YEAH!!!, talk about bitches

If we missed a genre, feel free to post it and we'll painstakingly figure out how you may go about remixing it.

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SOLO PIANO: import midi, change everything to piano sound, add arbitrary tempo changes

AVANT GARDE: import midi, roll dice to select instrument sounds, transpose each track by x - 1 semitones (where x equals the ID number of the track), delete most notes, play backward

STRING QUARTET: import midi, delete all but four tracks, change everything to "string ensemble 1," go crazy with the mod wheel

BAROQUE: import midi, change everything to harpsichord sound, add trills on long notes

KLEZMER: import midi, change melody to clarinet, change bassline to tuba, add whatever other brass or string instruments make it most obnoxious

GREGORIAN CHANT: import midi, delete all but melody, transpose down by ten semitones, use "choir ahh" sound, add lots of reverb

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Oooh, oooh! Me me!

FUNK: Load up Mellotron/Clavinet soundfont, arpeggiate bass notes frequently

HUMOR: Skimp on production value, focus on idea/joke/craziness

CHIPTUNE: insert basic 8bit drum track, load up chip soundfont, stylistic change optional

DISCO/DANCE: place emphasis on offbeats, standard drum pattern, suddenly cut out in the middle and use a bunch of staccato stabs

OPERA: Learn foreign language (or sound like you did), push voice out the back of throat, accompaniment optional

MUSICAL: Make copious use of whistles, actual singing not necessary, can be plain dialogue awkwardly set to music

DOO-WOP: Finger snaps and 6/8 tempo required

A-CAPELLA: Limited to voice but any voice will do, pitches can be off considerably

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