I think the potential is here for something good, Myrddin, but this needs some additional work on the production/mixing, as well as more interpretation of the source tune for OCR's arrangement standards.
The first dealbreaker was that the treatment of the source theme was extremely straightforward and conservative. There were some good brass countermelodic additions, as well as some original bassline work, but the source instrumentation might as well have been the SPC file if/when it wasn't; it didn't sound like there was any meaningful/substantive difference with the instrumentation, tone & tempo. Also, I felt the source tune had no synergy with the vocals either, IMO.
Also a second dealbreaker, I didn't like the imbalance of the source tune instrumental's volume vs. the vocals and rock part-writing; the source sounded very pushed back and marginalized once the lyrics arrived at :25. Particularly during the choruses, it seemed like the vocals and rock instrumentation were competing to be heard instead of complimenting each other (all while the source tune was quiet). Stuff like the source tune woodwinds at :49 also didn't click with the vocals, IMO.
It's not a terrible track, but it's also a strong NO based on how I see the arrangement standards, as well as factoring in the imbalanced mixing. Not enough effort was done to interpret the source theme, and it feels like the rock instruments and vocals aren't carefully combined with the source tune.
NO