The Legendary Zoltan Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 So I entered a song in this REALLY exciting contest. The objective was to make the best song that portrays the image of nature. And the prize. . . the winning song will be played during the finale of the Matsuhama Fireworks Show here in Japan. Aside from having your song being played in such a unique setting as a fireworks display, what really makes this prize sweet is that 200,000 people go to that festival every year. TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND! I don't know how many people go to big concerts in America but out here in Japan, I think 200,000 is basically unthinkable. Ayumi Hamasaki, perhaps the MOST famous Jpop singer at this time, came out here (I live in Niigata) and gave a concert for two nights. The turnout was 10,000 per night. Add those together and it's only 1/10 of what the winner of this contest gets. Perhaps I'm getting more excited than I need to be, but never-the-less, I am STOKED! Here's the song. Have a listen and feel free to critique the heck out of it. http://avaris.studios.googlepages.com/Jahan.mp3 Title: Destiny Night composition by my friend Hotaru and I and produced by Avaris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BardicKnowledge Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I really like it! What's the translation of the Japanese? My only critique is that a few of the high notes with the vocalist come out squeaky. Other than that, it's good stuff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Legendary Zoltan Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 I haven't translated it, nor can I pick out the entire thing by ear, but it's about a girl and a boy falling in love for the first time and going to the Summer festival for the first time together to enjoy the fireworks show during which they'll happen to hear our song in the background. Well, maybe not that last part. I agree that she has some forced-sounding vibrato. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Author Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Actually, I feel the vocalist is... well... pushing too much. A softer more melancholic voice would feel more appropriate. Right now, she is halfway between singing and a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. It kinda removes all emotions from the lyrics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DramaNoMore Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Getting a better singer is the only way you'll have a chance... Your work is quite awesome, though. Winning material. Good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nohbody Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Uh, I dont know if its a culture thing, but to my American ear the singing sounds downright annoying. And add more guitar, man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vivi22 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Uh, I dont know if its a culture thing, but to my American ear the singing sounds downright annoying. I have to agree with that. I loved the actual music but the singing wasn't enjoyable, and even got downright painful towards the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Legendary Zoltan Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 I didn't think her voice was bad at all until the chorus, personally. It sounds kinda like Enka music, if you know what that is. Hopefully it sounds better to Japanese people than it does to American ears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wintermute Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hmm a more talented singer is needed... and unfortunately the song isn't portraying any image of nature to me either. Could just be a personal disconnect. Hopefully others feel differently Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinewav Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Good god, it sounds like she is gargling listerine. Or someone is strangling her. Everything else is excellent though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friendlyHunter Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Lots to say: Singing started out great, but off-sounding notes start appearing, and then dominate during the chorus. I'm not a fan of the big volume fluctuations in the voice either... The synth at the beginning sounded quite out of place to me. Firstly because its timing is different than the rest of the instruments. Secondly because it didn't really fit with the Nature theme. Don't get rid of it though!! Don't know if it's just me, but I find it's really noticeable when stuff plays with slightly off timing. There's a HUUUGE delay between the drums and the tinkly instrument that starts at 1:43. In the beginning section, it's the drums that are delayed. There are other imperfections too, but they're more forgivable. Doesn't help that the singing's timing is off in some places too And finally: when the "music box" at the end starts, it's giving off a serious "Haunted Hell" vibe. The quietening right at the end sounds a little anti-climactic too. I think it'd sound a lot better if the music box started out quieter, and then ended louder. But this song really grows on you... each time I listen to it, it sounds better XD Might not mean much after all my criticism, but, everything else is superb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitty Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 It's hard for me to judge without understanding the lyrics, but I have to say that the guitar doesn't match the rest of the song for me. Usually I don't think the lyrics matter much, but since you mentioned what the song was about before I listened to it, I could only imagine more typical smoochy Japanese love songs. The singing, while not the greatest, wasn't as bad for me as it was for others here. Hopefully you'll win. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Legendary Zoltan Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Thanks for all the constructive criticism guys. Indeed there are flaws all over this thing, but we didn't have time to tamper with it anymore because of the deadline. Thanks for all the luck. I think they'll decide the winner by this weekend, so I'll let you guys know. And IF I get some kind of debut out of this, I'll let you know that too. So do you guys think that I'm making too big a deal out of 200,000 people or is that as significantly large an audience as I've been going on about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strike911 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 200,000 people is A LOT of people. Good luck on your entry. I agree with the timing comment above... it's distracting at times. And to my very American ears, the vocalist sounds off in a quite a few areas. Good guitar, bass though. The composition is really cool. And it may be too much to even mention, but I'll say it anyway... I think the melody you have would sound fantastic on a violin or a string quartet (especially near the end with the electric guitar, AND when the vocalist is by herself with the drums.) I think a lot of bending to the notes would sound really good if you could make it sound authentic. Just a thought. Digging the guitar work though. *thumbs up* Tell us how everything goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitty Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I think 200,000 people is a great deal of people. That's like...my whole city...plus 50,000 more people. Damn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tensei Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I guess it's enka style vocals if the vocalist sounds like she's bawling after getting hit in the face. This has great arrangement as usual but production could be so much tighter. Loads of timing issues between the percussion and the rest of the instruments. Your guitar playing is nice (even the tone this time!) but please man, use some vibrato and sliding for expression, it sounds unnecessarily beginnerish. Either way, good luck, hope you win the contest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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