OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!

[Darklink42]

Keep in mind it's an extremely rough draft right now. There are a couple of things I'd like input on. The biggest one is the middle paragraph, because right now I feel like it ruins the flow, but I also think the bio needs a something about the setting, because the character isn't a traditional playable character. The other thing is the quote. I wanted to use the bloody mess perk text, which is "By some strange twist of fate, people around you die violently." But I feel like maybe that's too dark? I'm going to play around in Fallout 3 and New Vegas, and see if I can find some Vault-Tec ads in game that I can grab a tag line from. Lastly, apologies if I messed up the format again. I keep forgetting to save a base format for these bios to use.

Vault Boy

”Prepare for the Future with Vault-Tec!”

Article by: Taylor Lake (Darklink42)

Pictured from: Fallout 3

Created by: Interplay

First appearance: 1997

Bio

As recognizable to Fallout fans as Sonic is to Sega fans, Vault Boy (sometimes called Fallout Boy) has been the cheerful and friendly face of the Fallout series since the beginning. Unlike most mascots, however, Vault boy is not a playable character in his own game. He began as the in-game mascot of a company called Vault-Tec, creators of the vaults which allowed humanity to survive the nuclear holocaust in the alternate history of the Fallout universe. His role as a mascot has since expanded to represent the series as a whole.

Based partly on our own history, the games weave an alternative tale, around which nuclear war has either wiped out or changed the entire face of the Earth. Though there is a wealth of in-depth back story in the Fallout universe, the games begin some 80 years after the initial nuclear war. From the very first game, the series has set itself apart by giving the player the ability to play the game as they like, only giving them objectives as a framework for their story. All take place in the wastelands of America, and through the positive or negative choices of the player, the entire world around them can be affected, from NPC interactions to environment changing catastrophes.

Vault Boy is also sometimes called Pip-Boy, which is a reference to the only time when he has been an interactive character in a Fallout game. In truth, the Pip-Boy is the personal device used by the player characters within the game. In Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel, the player could randomly encounter him as "The Pipboy", and in doing so recruit him to the team. His stats were meant to be average, as the character is illustrated as a jack of all trades. Furthering the confusion, while later iterations would feature Vault-Tec’s smiling mascot, earlier Pip-Boy’s featured a slightly different red haired boy mascot of their own.

Selected game appearances

PC

Fallout

Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel

Xbox 360/Playstation 3

Fallout 3

References

Fallout Wikia - Timeline

Fallout Wikia - Vault Boy

Wikipedia - Fallout (series)

[Polo]

First, to answer your immediate concerns...

- Touching upon the games' setting is a reasonable and expected choice. The main issue is making sure it's not so abrupt coming OUT of that paragraph. You can avoid this by furnishing it with the following (some info moving required): 1) Vault-Tec's role in helping humanity survive the nuclear holocaust; 2) Vault Boy's appearances in ads, perks, and achievements (an opportunity to explain the games' objectives as a framework for playing).

- Does Vault Boy ever actually talk, strictly speaking (no joke intended)? I gather the quote you're using now is simply text in that one video ad, most of it spoken by a live actor, and your alternative is part of a side description like in all perks. As it stands, I'm wary of allowing a quote for a mascot who (from what little I've researched) poses rather than enunciates.

- Your format's fine. Just remember that in the appearances list, release years must be added to games (20XX), we say Windows or DOS instead of PC, and we list titles under one system header at a time (OCR puts Fallout 3 under Xbox 360, so delete Playstation 3).

As for my other notes...

- Contrary to Liontamer's preemptive update, the first Fallout games were developed by Black Isle Studios, a division of Interplay.

- "Vault boy is not a playable character" --> Vault Boy (capital

- "in the alternate history of the Fallout universe" --> 1) This sounds like there's a main timeline in the Fallout games that isn't being followed. 2) It interrupts Vault Boy's character and makes the sentence about his role expansion feel like an afterthought. 3) You make it clear that the series' chronology is divergent from our own in the 2nd paragraph, so you can axe this clause (starting from "creators of the vaults").

- "an alternative tale, around which nuclear war" --> You can cut the comma here.

- "back story" --> Backstory is one word, not two.

- "environment changing" --> Add a hyphen (environment-changing), since it acts as an adjectival unit.

- "In truth, the Pip-Boy is the personal device used by the player characters within the game." --> So what IS this personal device and how is it used? If you don't think it's important, change it to "a personal device" so it's not a lingering question. Saying "the" implies it's vital to the player and has more than a name-based connection to Vault Boy. Speaking of which, you can clear up some confusion by saying that VB

.

- "The Pipboy" --> Everywhere else you spell it Pip-Boy.

- "recruit him to the team." "His stats were meant to be average" --> These two clauses assume the reader already knows the game genre and mechanics, which aren't established. ("You form teams? What are these stats? Do you level up like in an RPG?") You say players can "play the game as they like" in the 2nd paragraph, which, btw, doesn't say much to begin with.

- "jack of all trades" --> Hyphen-up-this-bitch (jack-of-all-trades).

- "Furthering the confusion" --> Nitpicky, but starting the final sentence this way feels like a downer. I'll leave it to you to find a more satisfying closing sentence of that paragraph and the bio as a whole.

- "earlier Pip-Boy's" --> As a plural noun, you can drop the apostrophe (Pip-Boys).

- "red haired" --> red-haired

- You say "mascot" 3 times in the first paragraph (and twice in the last sentence). Ease up on the M-word a little.

- On the whole, I'm gathering who Vault Boy IS (mascot of the Fallout series, mascot of the in-game company Vault-Tec, also called Fallout Boy and Pip-Boy) and no mention of what he DOES (the purposes he serves AS a mascot).

The rougher the draft, the heavier the notes you'll get. Back to the Vault with you, Boy.

[Dafydd]

I'm going to let you carry out Polo's changes and then have another look, but:

- On the whole, I'm gathering who Vault Boy IS (mascot of the Fallout series, mascot of the in-game company Vault-Tec, also called Fallout Boy and Pip-Boy) and no mention of what he DOES (the purposes he serves AS a mascot).

QFE.

From the very first game, the series has set itself apart by giving the player the ability to play the game as they like, only giving them objectives as a framework for their story. All take place in the wastelands of America, and through the positive or negative choices of the player, the entire world around them can be affected, from NPC interactions to environment changing catastrophes.

This doesn't really concern Vault Boy, does it? Skip most of this and tell us about Vault Boy instead. Tell us how he's featured in Vault-Tec's products and all that. Polo already pointed this out, of course.

Lastly, the first thing I thought of when playing Fallout was how everything about Vault Boy seemed to be influenced by the 50's (presumably to emphasise the contrast between the American Dream that, looking back, the 50's seems to have epitomized, and the grim reality that the main character faces emerging from the vault) and the "duck and cover" instruction films. I think the influences behind Vault Boy's design deserve some mention.

Edited January 31, 2011 by Dafydd

[The Damned]

I know that Nights and Vault Boy aren't up yet, and having gone through the list one by one, it seems that there aren't any other ones that need a write-up. But are we expecting any other ones in the future?

I'm asking because I'm actually kind of looking forward to doing another one. It was actually fun to write.

[Modus]

I know I'm coming into this not knowing what the heck's going on right now, but if you guys ever need to add a character from Skies of Arcadia, I would more than love to write it. I'm an absolute fanatic of the game, obsessed eternally.

If you're not accepting writers or adding SoA people, just disregard. I consider myself a pretty decent writer, though. I'm a former English major, if that holds any value.

[Dafydd]

We don't add new mascots ourselves, and we have no idea when new ones will be added or which they will be. djp and LionTamer post them here in the thread and we write bios for them as quickly as we can. If you want to request a mascot, you should talk to djp or LionTamer, though I won't say it's any use.

If you want to write a bio, you need to keep an eye on this thread. Mascots are claimed on a first come, first serve basis (no merits considered), though this is mostly to avoid having several people do the same job. Most people throw out a wip which we sometimes more or less tear apart, and everyone is welcome to help in this process, suggesting improvements, finding typos etc. Both bios currently in process are likely going to need some final brush-ups even after their next version.

Edited February 2, 2011 by Dafydd

[DarkeSword]

This project is the best of all of OCR's projects.

[KyleJCrb]

Yes, this was a very good idea.

[Dafydd]

Thank you. It's really one of those few projects you want to be running forever, isn't it?

[Level 99]

Revised, here's hoping it "flies".

NiGHTS

"...have you ever thought about flying?"

Article by: Level 99

Pictured from: Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity

Created by: Sega

First appearance: 1996

Bio

Anything is possible in dreams.

NiGHTS is a resident of the dream world Nightopia, where he spends time playfully flying through the air, performing acrobatics, and playing an invisible flute. He is a androgynous being whose appearance and abilities can change depending on a given situation, such as morphing into a bobsled in a snow area and a dolphin when underwater. While usually kind and chivalrous, he is also a bit of a prankster, playing jokes and startling people. He is also a 1st Level Nightmaren; a creature created by the ruler of the realm of Nightmare, Wizeman.

NiGHTS rebelled against his creator after Wizeman tried to take over Nightopia, the uptopian dreamscape that exists as a paradise for people while they are asleep. After dissent, he was imprisoned inside the Ideya Palace, a cage who's barrier can only be passed by someone who holds Ideya (colorful orbs representing aspects of human personality).

It is at this point that, in the town of Twins Seeds, two children start to have nightmares. Claris and Elliot fall alseep and imagine their worst fears before happening upon the realm of Nightopia. Both of the dreamers find NiGHTS imprisoned, and since they have retained their Ideya, can help him escape. The dreamers "dualize"( become one) with NiGHTS, regain the power of flight, and take on Wizeman and his henchman for the fate of Nightopia.

NiGHTS has a complicated relationship with the other 1st Level Nightmaren, Reala, whose abilities are nearly identical to his own. While NiGHTS is curious and playful, Reala is cold and obedient, never questioning Wizeman's orders to imprison his equal and capture Nightopia. Reala is second in command underneath Wizeman, and proves to be one of the most difficult challenges to overcome.

With the design of NiGHTS, Sonic Team deliberately made the character androgynous. According to Takashi Izuka: "He is a mirror of the child's personality, so when the children dream, they become him. So from a boy's point of view, NiGHTS will be a boy, from a girl's point of view, NiGHTS will be a girl". Assignment of gender, such as this bio, are merely reflective of the assignments a person has put on the character themselves.

Selected game appearances

=== Saturn ===

NiGHTS Into Dreams... (1996)

Christmas NiGHTS into Dreams... (1996)

=== Wii ===

NiGHTS Journey of Dreams... (2007)

References

Wikipedia - "Nights (character)"

Wikipedia - "Nights into Dreams..."

Wikipedia - "Nights: Journey of Dreams"

NiGHTS: Into Dreams instruction manual

NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams instruction manual

NiGHTSintoDreams.com - "Bio: NiGHTS"

Edited February 7, 2011 by Level 99

[The Damned]

Revised, here's hoping it "flies".

HAAA HAAA HAAA HAA you're a terrible human being.

[DiGi Valentine]

That's perfectly fine, man. From an informational point of view, you got all the right things in there. Great work!

[Polo]

NiGHTS is certainly shaping up in terms of organization. And thanks for following the notes we gave you - things like dualizing and the jester's gender are clearer now than they were before. The bio still has its share of bumps and hurdles though...

- "Anything is possible in dreams." --> First, let me say that I like this sentence by itself. And I can understand the creative purposes it serves in a bio such as this: as an enticing hook and as a buildup to the setting of the NiGHTS games. Starting with it as its own paragraph and then cutting to talk about the character, though, is not a contextually smooth bridge. You can try one of two things: 1) Delete the sentence. Your bio can still function without it. Or: 2) Describe the NiGHTS universe and the world of Nightopia, and maybe a few of the many dream-based actions that players can do. THEN introduce the jester as the one players control and associate with.

- "a androgynous being" --> "an androgynous being"

- "He is also a 1st Level Nightmaren" --> You say "also" in the previous sentence, so remove it from this passage (I gave you a similar note last time).

- "1st Level Nightmaren; a creature" --> Actually, a colon or a comma works better here than a semicolon because you're describing what a Nightmaren is. A semicolon usually indicates a stronger contrast between clauses.

- uptopian --> You mean utopian. Careful you don't make this sound like an OCAD fanfic reading (although I do like my share of those).

- "Nightopia, the utopian dreamscape that exists as a paradise for people while they are asleep" --> You already kind of establish what Nightopia is in the beginning - reiterating or embellishing upon it sounds like it's not clear enough the first time around. Describe Nightopia once and succinctly so you won't have to retrace your footsteps.

- "a cage who's barrier" --> Normally I'd say to use "whose" again, but I think it sounds weird making a cage seem like a person. Try: "a cage with a barrier that can only be passed by..."

- "fall alseep" --> Gotta admit, this made me chuckle.

- "they have retained their Ideya" --> This makes me think the children either always had Ideya or it's implied that they could've lost it, neither of which is clear. Saying "they have Ideya" is simpler.

- "can help him escape" --> More like "help him escape" since you already say one "can" in the last paragraph.

- "The dreamers "dualize"( become one) with NiGHTS, regain the power of flight, and take on Wizeman" --> I'm coming into this thinking both NiGHTS and the dreamers had the power to fly but lost it somehow, and the children are the ones fighting Wizeman instead of NiGHTS (which isn't true because they dualize with him). My suggestion is to reword it thus: "The dreamers "dualize" (become one) with NiGHTS, and with the power of flight at their command, take on Wizeman..."

- "Wizeman and his henchman" --> Does he have only one henchman? Not many henchmen?

- "Assignment of gender, such as this bio, are merely reflective" --> "such as in this bio, is merely reflective"

- "the assignments a person has put on the character themselves" --> "the assignments people have put"

It helps to carefully read over your words from the viewpoint of one absorbing this information for the first time, i.e. at a relaxed enough pace so you can pick up overused words, misspellings, and confusing standalone passages. Don't be discouraged - I'm this close to dualizing with NiGHTS through your bio.

[DiGi Valentine]

I'm coming into this thinking both NiGHTS and the dreamers had the power to fly but lost it somehow, and the children are the ones fighting Wizeman instead of NiGHTS (which isn't true because they dualize with him).

Kinda right, yeah

NiGHTS loves to be free and fly around though when he gets captured he can't escape his confinement unless a dreamer dualizes with him and breaks him out. In his prison there is barely enough room for NiGHTS to fly about in and he itches to break free when a dreamer comes close to the cage.

For the dreamer, they would be the one gaining the feeling of flight. For NiGHTS it's about being free to fly properly.

[Dafydd]

What Polo said.

[Darklink42]

Apologies for the delay. Still kind of rough, but hopefully better than the last one. Tried to focus a little more on Vault Boy proper, but this one is definitely a challenge, given that he is not a fully fleshed out character like the others are. I also maybe want to work out a better wrap up to the bio, but I figure I should get some more feedback first, which is always appreciated.

To answer your question Polo, as far as I'm aware, he doesn't speak. He might have some lines in Tactics where he was an NPC, but the game doesn't count as canon in the series, so I was unsure whether they counted. That being the case, should I try to dig some up for him, or just leave the quote blank?

Vault Boy

”Quote?”

Article by: Taylor Lake (Darklink42)

Pictured from: Fallout 3

Created by: Black Isle Studios

First appearance: 1997

Bio

As familiar to Fallout fans as Sonic is to Sega fans, Vault Boy (sometimes called Fallout Boy) has been the recognizable and friendly face of the series since the beginning. Unlike most mascots, however, Vault Boy is not a playable character in his own game. He began as the in-game face of a company called Vault-Tec, representing their products with a jovial wink and a smile.

Fallout’s history deviates from our own a little after World War 2, until the beginning of the first game 200 years later. Nuclear war has changed the face of the earth and turned the United States into a wasteland, the result of which is a devastated future world based around the pop art movement of the 1950’s. Vault-Tec, only a few years prior to the bombs falling, was created and commissioned to build an unknown number of underground vaults. Although this was ostensibly to save the population of the world, the vaults were secretly experiments on social conditions and group survival viability. The games always follow a lone wanderer, often a vault dweller or someone related to one. Though in each game the character's personal history differs, one trait they all have in common is the wrist mounted computer unit they carry with them: the Pip Boy.

Although in one game he was a jack-of-all-trades companion to the player’s character, Vault Boy is typically seen in the Pip Boy's various menus and displays. The computer unit acts as the in-game menu system for both the player and the character. The player levels their character via experience gained through missions. As the character levels up, the player can choose from a number of perks, which are humorously depicted by Vault Boy’s poses and costumes. He also serves a number of other roles, from acting as the character’s health display and modeling what clothes and weapons will look like to being the main character in vault training videos and tests. His constant smile and 50's era cartoon style inject a lighter side into the games and continue to give players a reason to smile as they traverse the forbidding, bleak wastelands of Fallout.

Selected game appearances

Windows

Fallout

Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel

Xbox 360

Fallout 3

References

Fallout Wikia - Timeline

Fallout Wikia - Vault Boy

Wikipedia - Fallout (series)

[Polo]

- Apparently, Pipboy has lines in Fallout Tactics. If he's the same character as Vault Boy in the other Fallout games the way Leon (Kingdom Hearts) = Squall (FF8) and Prometheus (Chrono Cross) = Robo (Chrono Trigger), then a quote from that page would count as legit.

- Last time, you felt the 2nd paragraph broke up the flow of things. I think it's the 1st paragraph that needs to be disassembled/moved. Here's why: 1) You already make note of Vault Boy's smile and overall cheeriness (especially in the last sentence). I know it can't go unnoticed, but do go for a more frugal application of those details to keep the bio's viewpoint on the objective side. 2) Saying that VB isn't playable can be left out unless you talk about him as the Pipboy in Tactics (if you choose to). 3) Once Vault-Tec's touched upon in the games' backstory, it would be easier to branch out and explain what else it's responsible for (its mascot and products) rather than leaving readers demanding the when/where/why of his appearance since his initial tie-in to Vault-Tec.

I know that by removing the first paragraph, you'd be starting on a darker foot, but a perennially happy character wouldn't be brought down by a dismal setting, would he? If anything, his real job is to keep players in high spirits as they traverse the series' torn world, which you nailed in your final sentence.

- "Fallout's history deviates from our own a little after World War 2, until the beginning of the first game 200 years later." --> This sounds like 1) we're already more than 200 years after WW2 and 2) the only history that's changed was this 2-century span of time before we get back on track. Use caution when setting up the whenabouts for the series.

- "a devastated future world based around the pop art movement of the 1950's" --> Do you mean the science fiction of the 1950s? The Wikipedia article on pop art talks about the emphasis on everyday objects and the lifestyle at the time, not the imagined or feared possibilities of the future.

- "the vaults were secretly experiments on social conditions and group survival viability." --> This statement feels extraneous because it's not backed up or explained afterward (Vault Boy isn't tied into it and the effect it has on the protagonist isn't clear).

- "The games always follow a lone wanderer, often a vault dweller or someone related to one." --> Ease the transition from the vaults to the main character with a lead-in. Something like "emerging from one of these vaults..." or "in this future, a lone wanderer..." is needed to carry the weight of the topic from the vaults' survival usage to the protagonist benefitting from it by living and completing in-game objectives.

- "wrist mounted" --> wrist-mounted

- "Although in one game he was a jack-of-all-trades companion to the player's character" --> This is a hindrance between the 2nd paragraph's cliffhanger and the needed explanation of Vault Boy appearing in the Pip-Boy display screens. Do you delete it or move it elsewhere and expand upon it? (Thanks for hyphening jack-of-all-trades, btw.)

- "The computer unit acts as the in-game menu system for both the player and the character." --> This, on the other hand, should come earlier (with some rewording to fit, of course).

- "As the character levels up, the player can choose from a number of perks, which are humorously depicted by Vault Boy’s poses and costumes." --> Readers would be left wondering, "so what are these perks exactly?" Illustrate some examples.

- When referring to decades (1950s, 50s, etc.), you don't need an apostrophe to separate the S from the numbers.

- Again, add release years (in parentheses) after game appearances. Like so:

Windows

Fallout (1997)

Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel (2001)

Xbox 360

Fallout 3 ( 2008 )

Here's my biggest note: Judging by the floating clauses and out-of-order sentences I've found, I'm getting the impression that you're unsure how to balance your ideas. Try reading just two or three sentences in succession (including from one paragraph to another) and it might help you catch unwanted jumps and detours in delivering whatever main idea you want to convey (not just within, but also between sentences). Don't be rough. Be gentle, even though it's not your first time.

[Dafydd]

I heart you, Polo.

[Darklink42]

Well, looks like I have me some more research to do. I know almost nothing about old-school sci-fi other than a few posters, some vague cultural references, and apparently playing the Fallout games. *Putting on my student glasses*

Some quick turnaround today, as a change of pace. Decided to go with the two paragraph style as suggested, which I admit makes it so much easier to work with in this case. I tried to just retain the relevant stuff, but maybe it's too short? Keep the good feedback coming, it's keeping me on my toes and I needed that.

Side note: Anyone else notice when trying to put 2008 in parentheses, it turns into this: (2008)?

Vault Boy

”It sure would be swell to shoot something.”

Article by: Taylor Lake (Darklink42)

Pictured from: Fallout 3

Created by: Black Isle Studios

First appearance: 1997

Bio

Based around 1950s science fiction and that era’s vision of the future, Fallout paints a grim reality where nuclear war has changed the face of the earth and turned the United States into a wasteland. Vault-Tec Industries, only a few years prior to the bombs falling, was created and commissioned to build an unknown number of underground vaults across the U.S., allowing a small percentage of the population to survive the blasts. Each Fallout game follows a lone descendant of the original vault dwellers, exploring and discovering what it means to survive in a devastated world. Though in each game the character's personal history and location differs, one trait they all have in common is the wrist-mounted computer unit they carry with them: the Pip-boy.

The Pip-boy acts as the in-game menu system for both the player and the character, and it is in these menus that Vault Boy, the mascot of Vault-Tec, is typically seen. As the character levels up through experience gained from missions, the player can choose from a number of perks. Each perk is humorously depicted by Vault Boy’s poses and costumes and has an effect ranging from simple character stat bonuses to opening up new dialogue options with other characters. Vault Boy also serves a number of other roles, from acting as the character’s health display and modeling what clothes and weapons will look like to being the main character in vault training videos and tests. His constant good humor, knowing wink, and 50s era cartoon style inject a lighter side into the games and continue to give players a reason to smile as they traverse the forbidding, bleak wastelands of Fallout.

Selected game appearances

Windows

Fallout (1997)

Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel (2001)

Xbox 360

Fallout 3 ( 2008 )

References

Fallout Wikia - Timeline

Fallout Wikia - Vault Boy

Wikipedia - Fallout (series)

[Dafydd]

You know - this is much, much better. I'd like to add something about how he is not only the mascot for Vault-Tec, but for the series as well, something you mentioned earlier but that got lost on the way. Can't really think of where to put it though.

[Polo]

Indeed, this latest go at Vault Boy is an improvement to be proud of. You clearly noted his personality, 50s era influence, main roles, and lasting effect on the series and the player using an easy-to-understand pace and tone. All bases covered in an introductory mascot bio =

I'd like to add something about how he is not only the mascot for Vault-Tec, but for the series as well, something you mentioned earlier but that got lost on the way. Can't really think of where to put it though.

I think that's implicitly noted here: "His constant good humor ... inject a lighter side into the games" (i.e. the Fallout series).

Come to think of it, my only note is that it might be clearer to say "the Fallout series/games" instead of just "Fallout" (the first game) when you say "Fallout paints a grim reality..." But that's about it.

Anyone else notice when trying to put 2008 in parentheses, it turns into this: (2008)?

2008 was a cool year.

[Dafydd]

I think that's implicitly noted here: "His constant good humor ... inject a lighter side into the games" (i.e. the Fallout series).

Yeah, ok. I guess it's a wrap, then.

I'll go pull Stevo's beard and hope he spits gold.

[Polo]

Vault Boy's already existing page has been updated.

One bio down, one more to go.

[Dafydd]

Fanks, Polo.

[Dafydd]

Now awaiting Stevo. ETA: <40 hours.