OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!

[Chernabogue]

I edited my post with those new changes.

[Dafydd]

Sorry for the wait.

A semicolon can work as a contrast setup without ending the sentence prematurely. If we keep it as "however, Dracula, enraged," it feels like one too many pauses. I'm also thinking the next "However" should be changed to "Unfortunately" to avoid repeating the word and to give a little more weight to Alucard's burdens.

Yeah... I'm thinking we should replace that "However," with "But" (without a comma). I'm not usually a fan of beginning sentences with that word, but in this case it gives a more immediate continuation and drama than "However", which comes off as slightly technical right there. But "Unfortunately" works too. Your call.

Since we made the change to "Alucard's immortality has allowed him", we should also make the change to "Across centuries, he has used his powers to help the Belmonts".

I think that's all.

[Arrow]

Sorry for the major delay. Dafydd, I've taken your suggestions and tried to re-order and re-word things to best fit. Besides any other concerns you have right now, my only question is whether paragraphs 2 and 3 can be joined together or if they're so big that they should remain two separate paragraphs as they are now. I also didn't really feel like I could move the "heart full of curiosity" line any further down without running into problems, though you may have a better idea on that one.

---------

In the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids fall from them regularly. These "Moon Stones" power nearly everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich. They then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help the needy. Vyse serves with his father's band of pirates, and he is formidable in combat thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses. Aika, a feisty redhead and his best friend from childhood, is equally skilled at fighting. The two often team up to take down large groups of opponents without fear.

The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress is obsessed with controlling all that she sees. The Blue Rogues also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction that doesn't hesitate to kill and steal from everyone they come across.

Vyse has always desired to explore more than just the area near his home, to fly "beyond the sunset" and encounter things people have only imagined. He and Aika thus find their worldview thrown for a loop when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from an unknown land. Fina has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire and their ambition. In their attempts to keep their new friend safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize this mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism and discovery, the three set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

Edited June 13, 2013 by Arrow

[Chernabogue]

Alucard's bio re-edited with Dafydd's suggestion. I think we're done, right?

[Dafydd]

Alucard's bio re-edited with Dafydd's suggestion. I think we're done, right?

Almost! We still have the "however" issue Polo and I suggested ways to fix 3 posts up:

however, Dracula cast a curse on Europe and unleashed his army of monsters on humanity. Disgusted, Adrian took the pseudonym of Alucard (Dracula spelled backwards, to show his complete opposition to him) and left his father's fortress. However, his cursed blood constantly reminds him of his direct affiliation to Dracula, and he never got over his mother's death. As a result, Alucard is cold and distant with other people, hiding his emotions behind his lonely façade. However

[Chernabogue]

Oh yeah, forgot about that! UPDATED!

[Dafydd]

Ok, I think that's all. What say you, Polo?

Arrow, I'll be right with you.

[Chernabogue]

I just opened OCR in a new tab and -> http://ocremix.org/info/OCR_Mascot_033 !!

[Polo]

Yeah, sorry for not mentioning it right away, but I made the change to "Unfortunately" myself before uploading Alucard's bio. The first "however" ("in a fit of rage, however") is necessary after the semicolon to validate/finish the contrasting thought, and the one in the last sentence of the first paragraph is far enough to not sound my "repetition alarm." Thanks for sticking with us, Chernabogue.

My two cents on Vyse:

- It seems like saying his heart is "full of curiosity," while true, is almost a direct contradiction to the "pirate life" sentences that follow (his eyes are wide at the wonders of the world while cutting people down with cutlasses). Maybe if you added another adjectival noun or two, they could act as a buffer to ease the transition to his daily actions, like: "a heart full of curiosity, eagerness, and resolution." Or maybe "a heart full of curiosity and a firm resolve." Something like that.

- I think the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs can be combined, since it's a small step from describing Vyse and Aika's fighting prowess to revealing who they use it against, but "The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues" should probably be reworded to fit within the paragraph rather than feel like a separate starter. Perhaps: "Their primary targets include..."

Dafydd might have different opinions, though.

[Mirby]

Y'all still need a Proto Man bio? Cause I'd be happy to make one for the other red MM bot.

[Dafydd]

Y'all still need a Proto Man bio? Cause I'd be happy to make one for the other red MM bot.

I had dibs on Proto Man, but you can have it if you want it.

[Mirby]

Well if you already had dibs I won't take that from you; just thought it would be funny if I did his bio too since I already did Zero's. XD

[Dafydd]

I haven't even gotten started. Go ahead.

[Abadoss]

Although he fought Mega Man during Mega Man III as "Break Man," he ultimately saves his little brother's life at the end of that game.

You should probably use "Mega Man 3" to prevent confusion with the GameBoy game Mega Man III. Most fans of the series will probably know which game you're talking about, but for the sake of keeping things clean.

[Mirby]

Ah, good point. Fixed.

[Polo]

PaRappa

"P to the A to the R to the A, PaRappa's the name. I rap everyday!"

Article by: Polo

Pictured from: PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale

Created by: Masaya Matsuura, NanaOn-Sha

First appearance: 1996

Bio

The PaRappa series is a melting pot of contrasting elements: paper-thin characters inhabit a 3-D world, and the storyline zigzags between common and unusual situations. In this setting lives the eponymous PaRappa, a rapping dog with a flexible imagination and an optimistic drive. He spends his days hanging out with his anthropomorphic friends, one of which, Sunny Funny, is the flower of his affections. In the first game, he competes with his rival Joe Chin to win Sunny's heart, and in the second game, he takes on many unrelated jobs in an effort to stop a noodle fanatic. What strings this all together, and has influenced subsequent rhythm games, is the series' core gameplay element: the rapping sessions.

To solve whatever problem the story puts forth, PaRappa faces off against a teacher or rival (sometimes they're the same) in a Simon Says-like duel of words and actions. Through alternating turns, the latter raps a line, and then the former repeats it, sometimes putting his own spin on the lyric. For the player, this equates to tapping the right buttons in tune with the beat, and "freestyling" (pressing buttons at extra moments to expand the beat) to up the number of points received and to unlock bonus content. Not surprisingly, many characters get in on the rapping craze. At the Fruites Dojo, Chop Chop Master Onion schools PaRappa in the art of karate. At Club Fun, MC King Kong Mushi hands him the floor to bust out his own danceable rhymes for the audience. Whether he's moving to the front of the line outside a public restroom, returning to normal size after getting shrunk by his father's shrink ray gun, or baking a cake for Sunny Funny's birthday, PaRappa raps to the rhythm of the story as smoothly as he follows the beat of his own heart, uttering his catch phrase, "I gotta believe!"

Selected game appearances

=== PlayStation ===

PaRappa the Rapper (1996)

UmJammer Lammy (1999)

=== PlayStation 2 ===

PaRappa the Rapper 2 (2001)

=== PlayStation 3 ===

PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale (2012)

References

Wikipedia - "PaRappa the Rapper"

Wikipedia - "PaRappa the Rapper 2"

PlayStation All-Stars Wiki - "PaRappa"

GameFAQs: PaRappa the Rapper (PS) FAQ/Walkthrough by Ryouga

Wikipedia - "List of PaRappa the Rapper characters"

Edited June 20, 2013 by Polo
Dafydd's feedback

[The Damned]

OK, looking it over, I had too much in-game specific info that really didn't matter or belong, so I rewrote it all.

----

Pikachu is a small yellow rodent-like animal from Pokémon. Since its introduction in 1996, it has gone on to become the mascot character of the entire franchise. Appearing on Pokémon-related merchandise from books to sticker to clothing, Pikachu is synonymous with the series, and is one of the most well-known video game characters of all time.

Pikachu are quick and agile, overcoming their low physical strength and endurance. They concentrate on outmaneuvering their opponents, and then hitting them with powerful electric attacks. They can use the paralyzing Thunder Wave to stun an opponent, or dash at them with a powerful Volt Tackle. Rarely, a Pikachu may know the powerful Surf attack, a tidal wave that crashed down upon an enemy and sweeps them away. Their electrical powers are so strong, that when several of them gather, they may inadvertently cause thunderstorms.

Though typically found in lush forests like the Viridian Forest, they have been known to appear in cities or power generating plants. They are attracted to the electricity in the wiring, and are sometimes spotted suckling the wiring like a straw, sipping voltage.

Trainers that wish to use a Pikachu on their team are advised to watch out for the red cheeks on Pikachu's face. They are actually pouches which store vasts amounts of electricity. Also, you should never grab a Pikachu by its tail; they will turn around and bite you.

-----

Source for habitat and behavior are from pokédex entries from the series, http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pikachu#Pok.C3.A9dex_entries_3.

I think this is better overall, because it doesn't require any understanding of the game mechanics, as someone pointed out before.

[Dafydd]

@Arrow: I'm sorry for the delay. I've been trying to pin down exactly what it is that bothers me about the bio before commenting on it, and it's been difficult, but I've finally been able to put it into words. It's too... factual. It reads like this: "Fact. Fact. Fact. Fact. Fact, modifier. Fact.", where "Fact" is a sentence that reads "X is/does Y". It feels dead, and I'm sure we're to blame for it, having forced you to try to please us.

The first paragraph is absolutely fine, but the rest doesn't read like natural language, it's just... a bunch of facts. I'm sorry I can't explain this more clearly, but here's an example: compare " Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living" to "People sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living using Moon Stone-powered ships." The former is typical of story-telling, while the latter sounds more like something from a physics test, to be blunt.

Do try to give this more life by changed up the sentence structures a little more. Not every single sentence should or needs to read as the former example above, but I think you can and want to inject a little more vivacity - it is a fairytale you're telling, after all.

And yeah, you can definitely put the two last paragraphs together into one.

@Mirby: I think you're assuming a bit too much familiarity with the Mega Man universe. Try to make Proto Man's bio a little more independent of any prior knowledge of other characters, without repeating too much from the other bios.

@Polo: I wasn't sure how to interpret "flexible imagination", but keep it anyway. Also, what do you mean by "growing big"? Recovering from the effects of being shot by the gun, or hitting the weights? In the former case, I think it sounds a little awkward. Also, I think I prefer "one of which, Sunny Funny, is the flower of his affections", but the two wordings don't really mean the same thing, and I think you know best which one is more accurate.

"For the player, this equates to tapping the right buttons in tune with the beat, and "freestyling" (pressing buttons at extra moments to expand the beat) ups the number of points received and can unlock bonus content" is hard to read with that parenthesis there, disconnecting "ups" from "freestyling", so I suggest ""freestyling" (pressing buttons at extra moments to expand the beat) to up the number of points received and to unlock bonus content" or similar, adjusted for accuracy.

@The Damned: It's much, much better, but there's still a few things left unexplained here. There are trainers? They have teams? Also, and more importantly, it's my understanding that "Pikachu" both refers to a specific Pikachu (as you did in the first paragraph) and the species as a whole (as you did in the rest of the bio), and I think this should be explained somehow in your bio.

Edited June 18, 2013 by Dafydd

[Mirby]

Well I was thinking we could link Mega Man's bio as we did with X in Zero's bio...

Working on fixing things though... :/

okay edited.

Edited June 18, 2013 by Mirby

[Polo]

@Polo: I wasn't sure how to interpret "flexible imagination", but keep it anyway. Also, what do you mean by "growing big"? Recovering from the effects of being shot by the gun, or hitting the weights? In the former case, I think it sounds a little awkward. Also, I think I prefer "one of which, Sunny Funny, is the flower of his affections", but the two wordings don't really mean the same thing, and I think you know best which one is more accurate.

"Flexible" in this case was my way of saying "vivid" (would you rather I said that to be clear? or is "vivid imagination" too trite?).

Yeah, by "growing big," I meant "returning to normal size." Fixed.

Technically, both Sunny Funny wordings do mean the same thing. But your version makes a more solid connection, whereas I introduced her name as an afterthought. Wouldn't have thought of it that way. I changed the wording here, plus I replaced "her" with "Sunny's" in the next sentence so she wouldn't get lost in the distance since her last mention.

"For the player, this equates to tapping the right buttons in tune with the beat, and "freestyling" (pressing buttons at extra moments to expand the beat) ups the number of points received and can unlock bonus content" is hard to read with that parenthesis there, disconnecting "ups" from "freestyling", so I suggest ""freestyling" (pressing buttons at extra moments to expand the beat) to up the number of points received and to unlock bonus content" or similar, adjusted for accuracy.

Okay, that works.

Proto Man:

First, you throw out details that you assume the reader should already know before you establish them proper:

- "his intentions were misunderstood" --> Who misunderstood his intentions? Dr. Wily? The public? It's not clear until the next sentence.

- "As time went by, Proto Man" --> Out of the blue, this could be a new character unrelated to what was just spelled out. Gotta link it clearly with "The robot, known as Proto Man" or similar.

- "Right as his power generator was about to cease altogether" --> So is this the flaw? If these are not the same thing, you might want to truncate the whole flaw thing to being a misunderstanding over Proto Man's programming, or whatever it was about his "individuality" he didn't want altered.

- "replaced the solar-based generator with one that relied on atomic energy" --> Not only is the solar/atomic bit not mentioned earlier, but this by itself seems largely irrelevant. I don't remember any games placing great emphasis on the fact that characters' shots are solar/atomic energy-based (but that's just me).

Second, issues with repetition:

- "created" - twice in the first sentence

- "robot" - close together (1st and 2nd sentences)

- "little brother Mega Man" - twice near the end (not to mention saying "little brother" or "Mega Man" twice within short reading distance would be boring)

- "to be" - twice in the last sentence (usually you want to avoid saying this to stay in the active voice rather than passive)

- "naive" and "naivete" in the last sentence

Either you're telling yourself repeatedly what you're writing so you don't lose your flow of ideas, or you're too much in a hurry to review your work very carefully. (That's the impression I'm getting.)

Other nitpicks:

- "Long before Mega Man" --> "Before" works just fine. (Proto Man's not a grandfatherly older brother, is he?)

- "Dr. Thomas Light had created another robot" --> I know it's clear that Mega Man isn't the only robot Dr. Light constructed, but "another" should probably be changed to "a different" or "a prototype" or something, if only because saying "another" as a starting/primary unit sounds weird.

- Cut "However" in the second sentence, since there's no contradictory thought as you describe the construction of Proto Man. (Also a good idea to say "as" instead of "while")

- "He wanted to fix it" --> I think it's a given that when a robot scientist notices a flaw, of course he wants to fix it rather than let it go unchecked.

- "As time went by" --> No need for these words; it should be obvious when one learns that Proto Man isolated himself.

- "Right as his power generator was about to cease" --> I know this is already correct, but I'd go with "Just as his..." or "When his power generator was about to cease..."

- "the evil Dr. Wily" --> "Dr. Albert Wily" (This is to keep with the full name introduction, like with Dr. Thomas Light, and because what immediately follows doesn't verify that Wily is in fact evil. I mean, he saves Proto Man's life.)

- "Wily found him" --> I thought Proto Man was living in isolation. Did Wily explore the great outdoors for fun and just happen upon him? (Probably too nitpicky.)

- "the trademark black shades" --> "his trademark black shades"

- "hide his true identity as a creation of Dr. Light" --> Would read more succinctly as "hide his true identity FROM Dr. Light"

- "saves his little brother's life" --> "saved" (to keep with the past tense); also, cut "little brother" until you establish at some point that's how Proto Man sees/treats Mega Man (or you can put "little brother" in quotations).

- "he also has the Proto Shield, which balances out the weaknesses of his atomic energy core" --> The way this reads, it's as if the shield is part and parcel of his energy core, not a way to protect himself after expending a lot of energy.

- "recently obtained" --> In regards to what time frame, exactly? Do you mean the Proto Coil+Jet are some of his newer/more advanced tools?

- "create an air of coolness" --> Try "emit" or "project" (because he doesn't just keep the coolness to himself).

- "which his trademark yellow scarf and shades help with" --> "with his trademark scarf and shades" (and cut the preceding comma)

- "it's likely that the cool guy persona was created as a reference to his Japanese name, Blues" --> So is this fact or fiction? (The word "likely" is throwing me off.)

- "it allows him to enjoy his individuality much more" --> Who doesn't enjoy their own individuality? Would it be better, you think, to say he admires and preserves his personal strengths or something?

- "He also has internal conflict" --> This sounds passive and unimportant, like having conflict is an everyday item that can be tossed aside at a moment's notice. Saying he "feels conflicted," however, puts us more in his shoes to understand why he's split between allying with Light or Wily.

And a major note: I checked the sources you used and saw you plucked a number of phrases almost word-for-word, especially in your second paragraph. Yes, it's important that we verify where you got your information, but don't just copy what you find without making sure that what you use works within the context of the introduction you set forth. You gotta make a mascot bio your own. Be economic with your words. Organize your ideas in a creative manner. Right now, you seem kind of entrenched in the notetaking phase.

Pikachu:

- "books to sticker to clothing" --> stickers

- "crashed down upon an enemy" --> crashes

- "so strong, that" --> You can cut the comma here (it won't sound weird without it)

- "they may inadvertently cause thunderstorms" --> Saying "they can" helps show that Pikachu-made thunderstorms are a possibility rather than speculation.

- "power generating" --> "power-generating" (hyphen)

- In the last paragraph:

-- "cheeks" --> "circles" or "marks" (Saying "cheeks on a face" is a little redundant)

-- "Pikachu's" --> "one's" or "its" (just so you don't say Pikachu twice in the same sentence)

-- "face. They" --> "face: they" (the second sentence can work as part of the first using a colon to describe the mystery behind the red marks)

-- "vasts amounts" --> vast amounts

-- This paragraph, and especially the last sentence, suddenly sounds like a player's guide section in tone ("if you want to catch and train a Pikachu, here's what you must do..."). Keep this section in the same point of view as everything before.

- Just to clarify, when I said bios require at least 2 sources, one should be a different page rather than a subsection of another. You can link to a game Pikachu appears in (like Pokémon Yellow), or a Pokémon page on Wikipedia, or a Bulbapedia article talking about where Pikachu are most often found in, or...

[Liontamer]

And a major note: I checked the sources you used and saw you plucked a number of phrases almost word-for-word, especially in your second paragraph. Yes, it's important that we verify where you got your information, but don't just copy what you find without making sure that what you use works within the context of the introduction you set forth. You gotta make a mascot bio your own. Be economic with your words. Organize your ideas in a creative manner. Right now, you seem kind of entrenched in the notetaking phase.

Just to underscore what Polo's saying to Mirby re: sourcing: Do. NOT. Plagiarize. Phrasing.

It's lazy, and you can always figure out how to restate ANY sentence fragment.

[The Damned]

Just to clarify, when I said bios require at least 2 sources, one should be a different page rather than a subsection of another. You can link to a game Pikachu appears in (like Pokémon Yellow), or a Pokémon page on Wikipedia, or a Bulbapedia article talking about where Pikachu are most often found in, or...

The thing is, the other articles tend to recycle the same content. Hence why I just went with the character specific page instead. I could use wikipedia as well, but again, it's the same content. Would that suffice?

[Mirby]

i didn't try to plagiarize any phrasing and i'm honestly offended that you'd accuse me of it.

in fact since that's all i could think of to write, and since the wording is a bit similar (read: not plagiarized) i'm just dropping proto man so someone else can take it

my apologies for the trouble.

[Polo]

The thing is, the other articles tend to recycle the same content. Hence why I just went with the character specific page instead. I could use wikipedia as well, but again, it's the same content. Would that suffice?

I think you can use the Bulbapedia page on Pokémon Yellow. It's not identical to the Wikipedia version or the Pikachu page you cited, and it talks about Pikachu's influence as a starter Pokémon and whatnot.

[Liontamer]

i didn't try to plagiarize any phrasing and i'm honestly offended that you'd accuse me of it.

in fact since that's all i could think of to write, and since the wording is a bit similar (read: not plagiarized) i'm just dropping proto man so someone else can take it

my apologies for the trouble.

OK, let's assume plagiarize could be too strong a word. That said, the wording isn't "a bit similar", it's TOO similar.

For whatever reason, you believe you had reworked the information enough. The reality is, you didn't rework to nearly the extent that you believe you did. When you actually compare your WIP bio in parts, it's way too close to the MMN articles' structure AND phrasing.

I'm just going to compare writings to highlight WHY Polo rightly criticized this. It's not meant to embarrass or shame, but it IS to make clear that even if you somehow didn't see this as being too close, it still was like trying to create a thesaurus version of the MMN story.

MMN (Games): Before Proto Man's completion, Dr. Light found there was a flaw in Proto Man's power generator and wanted to repair it. Proto Man seemingly misunderstood Dr. Light's intentions, fleeing the lab believing the operation would destroy his individuality.

Proto Man remained isolated over time as the flaw in his power generator grew worse. But just before he would have ceased functioning, he was found by Dr. Wily. Dr. Wily replaced his solar energy power generator with an atomic power generator. He also altered Proto Man to have battle capabilities, and gave him his trademark visor so that Proto Man would not be recognized as a modified Light Number.

Your attempt: Long before Mega Man was created, Dr. Thomas Light had created another robot. However, while this robot was nearing completion, Dr. Light discovered a flaw within the power core. He wanted to fix it, but his intentions were misunderstood. The robot thought the repair would destroy his individuality, so he fled the lab. As time went by, Proto Man took on a life of isolation as the critical flaw worsened. Right as his power generator was about to cease altogether, the evil Dr. Wily found him and replaced the solar-based generator with one that relied on atomic energy. He also gave Proto Man battle capabilities along with the trademark black shades to hide his true identity as a creation of Dr. Light.

MMN (Characteristics): Proto Man's primary weapon is the Proto Buster, an arm cannon similar to Mega Man's Mega Buster, but powered by atomic energy rather than solar. Although it seems to be more powerful than the Mega Buster, the tremendous energy consumption makes it unreliable for long periods of combat. Proto Man is capable of charging up energy in order to unleash a more powerful shot which he calls the Proto Strike, or charge up all of his energy and release it in a single, extremely powerful blast called the Big Bang Strike. However, this last move drains Proto Man completely, so he only uses it as a last resort.

Proto Man is also armed with a sturdy shield called the Proto Shield, which balances out his greater vulnerability to damage compared to Mega Man. Proto Man is also equipped with the Weapon Copy System, allowing him to copy weapons from defeated Robot Masters. More recently, he has been equipped with supporting devices called the Proto Coil and Proto Jet, which are analogous to the Rush Coil and Rush Jet, respectively.

In battle, Proto Man usually relies on a hit-and-run strategy, since his atomic power core only allows him to fight at full power for short periods of time. He also seems to be conscious of the nature of nuclear energy, knowing that any damage to his core can have disastrous consequences. This does not make him a coward however, and he is always ready for battle. That said, he does prefer to leave the main fight to Mega Man, only interfering when he needs to.

Your attempt: Proto Man's main method of attack is a weapon known as the Proto Buster, an arm-mounted energy cannon which runs on atomic power. It's more powerful than Mega Man's weapon, but it consumes a lot of energy and is therefore unreliable to use for extended periods of combat. He can also charge up energy for what he calls the Proto Strike, or charge all of his energy for the Big Bang Strike. The latter move drains him completely, so it's kept purely as a last resort. In addition to the weaponry, he also has the Proto Shield, which balances out the weaknesses of his atomic energy core; he can also copy the weapons of defeated Robot Masters much like his little brother and recently obtained the Proto Coil and Proto Jet, which summon a spring to allow him to reach high ledges or summon a jet to cross large gaps. Although he's powerful, he relies on a hit-and-run strategy since he knows his damage to his core could be disastrous; however, he isn't a coward and is always ready for battle, even if he prefers to leave the fighting to Mega Man.

If this were a submissions judgement, it would be commended for attempting to put one's own spin on things, but rejected for being too close of a cover. If you want to drop it, that's fine, but don't be discouraged from taking on other bios, as you've already written good stuff before.

Just keep in mind that you've got to pull from as many good sources as you can and then synthesize all of that into your own voice on describing the character's story. While the MMN article may have a great breakdown, and it may seem like that needs to form the base of the bio, it shouldn't have held so fast to the structure and wording. Again, I'm trying to be clear just how many times this happened, so that Polo's POV is clarified.

Edited June 20, 2013 by Liontamer
more phrase highlighting