Okay, listening to this you've definitely got some cool things going on. It's fast, and it has a good amount of intensity as a result. I'm not supremely versed in this genre of music, but in-general, there's quite a few things that need working on:
1) Your production could use a lot of work. Right now, there's a lot of muddyness in the mids and low-ends which is a result of sample selection. The majority of the instruments you've chosen sound very "stock" and unprocessed, inparticular the bass sample. If those are the best samples you have to work with, then you need to take time fine tweaking and processing each one. Example: the bass treads on the kick drum quite a lot. EQ the bass and kickdrum to not share too many of the same frequencies (bass should be focused very much in the low-mids and have a minor boost in the lesser-highs, so for example tweak the bass to be scooped between 200hz and 1700hz, and lower the shelfs on either end. I'm throwing some numbers around here but you need to tweak it to fit your sample and mix. Kick drum should also be focused mostly in the low end with a small boost in the mid's, and sidechain the kick to the bass for when they are present together). Separating and sending groups of similar sound to busses for group EQ-ing and effects will yield even better results. Blue Cat has a really good frequency analyzer for free, so definitely check that out. Once you have tweaked your samples to sit well in the mix, you can focus on the "mastering" of the track. There's a number of free plugins available that are good for that kind of thing, but one that is really easy to start with and learn is Sweetboy T-Sledge. That has a number of presets, and I ran your track through mastering type9 to show the difference: Mastering Test. Take some time, experiment, read tutorials on this stuff, and definitely keep posting new versions here for people to listen to.
2) Transitions. I can not stress enough the importance of transitions, especially in a style like this where things can go on for a with sudden changes over a very similar instrument layout. You do use the reverse cymbal a few times through out, but tinker with some drum fills at the end of sections or phrases, maybe try throwing in that
(white noise passed through an automated EQ that slides a single boost up the range), and write parts for some instruments that begin slightly before their main usage and/or go slightly past their main usage.3) Arrangement. The second half of the song is, as far as I can tell, just a copy of the first half. Not just that, but there's room for a lot of arrangement variation here. Writing additional melody support, changing up the song structure to more differentiate it from the source, even putting in original sections. Also you should write an ending that resolves the song, if you're not going to do a fadeout. The song right now just kind of...stops, which is very jarring.
Yes, there is a lot I said needs work, especially if you're considering submitting this to OCR, but you have a really good base here. Being meticulous about production, transitions, and arrangement will yield a very good result from this!