i might hold off on submitting this just yet. it's much too similar to the original, and as a standalone piece of music, it doesn't really work.
it's confusing to listen to, really. the sounds you've chosen seem almost random, and they don't fit together. technically, there is nothing wrong with the production, but it's very flat and dry. aside from some panning, there's no real sense of space. it's all very in your face. the drums are somewhat mechanical, and could benefit from some EQ/compression. i suppose it could be stylistic preference, but given the general mishmash of sounds, i don't know what style that would be exactly.
structurally, it seems very flat. i haven't done an exact side-by-side comparison, but it sounds nearly identical. any potential for remixing that exists in the original doesn't come from the its structure. it may make sense in the context of the game, but as a piece of music it's meandering, the shifts are jarring, and it simply doesn't make a lot of sense on its own.
sorry if that came off too harsh. basically i think what you have is a decent foundation to work from. the next step would be coming up with an arrangement to make it your own.