Seems like the feel of the piece changed a great deal, which is interesting. Really nice groove from 2:26 onward. The previous version was leaning into a trancey direction, and this feels much more like 80s synthy technoy stuff.
The intro is quite long. The synths that are on the forefront up to 0:24 are very flimsy. Nice icy pads at 0:24. 1:09 hits the groove.
It's relying on the same part of the source which despite the variations is making the structure feel monotonic. I believe the descending riff would sound great at 0:53 and 1:39. At 0:53 in a lighter feel (pre-build up) and 1:39 keeping the heavier beat oriented feel, would be good climax and I think would continue well into what follows next in the current 1:39->
The bell-y arp is playing constantly from 0:30, which adds to the monotonous feel of the structure, and also is taking up quite a lot of space in the mix. It should take a break every now and then (you can also try switching the instrument playing the arp from time to time). It's good that it has some effect/filter automation going on.
So yeah, working on the structure will bring the piece some great strides forward. I liked the original writing/interpretation, for instance the long progression with the pad at 0:38-0:53 + the bassline at the last section, 2:26 forwards.