Apologies, but i'm not the type to overly nit-pick away at tunes, since I don't have 1/4th of the knowledge of many who frequent this site- I keeps it simple. If something sounds bad or off, I'll say it sounds bad and say why. This sounds pretty legit to me, thus, I personally did not feel the need to criticize it.
But fret not - I'm certain someone will fulfill your request very soon.