Uwe Boll movies are great.

[Brandon Strader]

Video game movies. Video games.

When someone mentions video game movies, what do you think of?

this?

or maybe this?

or maybe even THIS?~!

But ask me what I think of when i hear video game movies. After thinking of Mortal Kombat, I will tell you this:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, possibly the best video game adaptation into film of all time, Postal, crafted by the film maker Uwe Boll. And that's just one of the many video game films he has made that are awesome. Highly recommended. I briefly played Postal, the game, once. I ran through a town, urinated on some cops, and subsequently got killed. Such a crafty method of death by cop. But I digress.

Why is Postal possibly the best video game movie adaptation? Because it is hilarious, seemingly following in the games' style of humor, and it has freaking Scut Farkus in it as the lead character.

Yeah, that one.

Not only that, but it pushes boundaries. You'll see stuff in this movie that you've possibly only seen in a game. Like the cat silencer. Stuff you'd NEVER see in a game, like the killing of a ton of childrens, or 9/11 from the perspective of a window washer. Bush and Osama skipping off into the sunset. Stuff like that.

The first time I saw the movie, I knew I was in for a treat with the job interview scene at the beginning. What is the difference between a duck? And the broken office chair, hahaha... just icing on the cake for a really uncomfortable scene.

The first Boll movie I saw was probably Alone in the Dark. It had Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and the dude who played Frost in Blade. That guy is a badass. It was a great movie with lots of action and mystery. I was younger at the time, so I didn't necessarily notice the "campiness" of it, or Boll's tendency to make overly long, uncomfortable to watch love scenes. That's probably something people take issue with. But as gamers, what right do we have to complain about camp, or awkward love scenes? How many of us have played Dragon Age or Mass Effect? Or even Heavy Rain? That shower scene was a little gratuitous, and for some reason I kept dropping the towel and never really finished the action to make the game progress. OH SNAP. I'd say that stuff is pretty true to the games. The campiness and our tendency to get overly focused on "sex scenes".

The Nightwish music video + usage in the credits was cool.

Next up we have Dungeon Siege: In the Name of the King

This movie is pretty much the definition of epic. Let's name some names here: Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, Burt Reynolds, John Rhys-Davies, Ray Liotta, and friggin Shaggy himself.

Before I continue I'd just like to add, every single Uwe Boll movie I've seen to date has been character-driven. A lot of great actors with interesting performances that just drag you into the story. That is, if you actually bother to watch and pay attention instead of just joining in on the -- admittedly fun -- irrational online bashing. How many of you here have even watched In the Name of the King? I watched it TWICE within 2 days when we rented it. It has everything you want in a movie, and I actually didn't enjoy the Dungeon Siege game as much as the movie.

The Blind Guardian music in the credits was sweet, too. Come on, you got to admit the guy has good taste in muzak.

An aspect of video gamer culture is that they're a bunch of whiny bitches. I recognize this as I am a part of that culture. We're always whining about waaahh graphics, waahh it's not in 1080p, wahhh... they should remake this game but IT WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR US, WAHHHH. As a gamer myself, I have to say that I really enjoyed all of these movies. Even Bloodrayne. Not just because they are fairly well made movies, but because they bring this aspect of the games to life so you can actually witness them, with real people, etc. Why is the Resident Evil series of movies a huge hit, bringing out sequel after sequel? Compare any of the Resident Evil movies to Boll's Dungeon Siege. I'll tell you right now that the Dungeon Siege movie has way more substance. Maybe less of that redhead naked in a tube, but is that really what we look for in movies? Don't answer that... shaddap.

In conclusion... I've seen a few other movies of Boll's lately that were fantastic, but I'm not sure if they were actually game movies. They may have been original stories. There is Rampage, which follows a young man who gets pissed off enough to just start gunning people down. Robs a bank just to dump the money in a nearby refuse bin and light it on fire, telling the cowering people inside that their money is bullpucky. It's another great movie with a fairly dark tone, and a genuinely interesting ending.

Then there's The Final Storm. This movie has a husband and wife, with a son, living at a farm house when some kind of apocalypse scenario happens. They're unaware, living in a farmhouse (i can relate) until a road weary Luke Perry shows up. I thought Perry put in a really gripping and convincing performance in this movie that is definitely worth seeing, and somewhat of a twist near the end... I won't give it away. It's on Netflix instant stream if you want to check it out!

So there you have it! If you want to argue about why the movies are so terrible, please include reasons WHY you believe they're so terrible. I will respect any opinion that is provided with maturity and reason, without more irrational bashing.

And one more thing.. you gotta admit the guy makes some funny movies. Blubberella! Gya-haa-haa! That should be pretty funny. The holocaust movie on the other hand, maybe not so much.

[Hy Bound]

I guess its all a matter of what you're into... Postal was the only movie i saw of his. It attempts to coast by on low-brow, juvenile humor with no semblance of wit or creativity. "Oh look, its Dave Foley taking a shit." "Oh hey, George Bush and Bin Laden are friends, thats original, political humor." "Its Verne Troyer being raped by a thousand monkeys." Sure, I chuckled once or twice, but his commentary was entirely unoriginal and went for shock value over everything else. The jokes and sight-gags also fall pretty flat a majority of the time. He obviously isn't trying for high cinema, and low-brow humor and sight-gags is fun every now and again, but if Postal is his best film to date, that doesn't make me want to try any of his other films.

I will say the intro of the movie is actually pretty damn funny.

[Malaki-LEGEND.sys]

I always watch Uwe Boll movies when I need a good/bad laugh.

To take them seriously, though? That's more than a bit of a stretch. I'd write up a bunch of stuff about what he does wrong in his movies straight out of film making 101, but Uwe Boll movies don't even deserve that.

Still, with a few friends and some beer, they make great conversation pieces and/or background noise.

[EC2151]

In the Name of the King is one of the funniest movies that he's made, I think.

It just does everything so frightfully wrong it's hilarious. So many high-level actors pissing away their careers in some of the worst dialogue known to man.

I CAN READ MOST MEN LIKE I READ SCROLLS OF FLESH

BUT YOU FARMER I JUST CAN'T SEE PAST YOUR SCOWL!

In a whiny italian voice that only Ray Liotta can pull off.

[Brandon Strader]

You're just saying he's doing stuff "wrong". Are you two cinema experts, and is there some list of approved movie formulas I should be aware of? Care to go into more detail?

[The Coop]

Uwe Boll movies are funny for all the wrong reasons. Poor production, poor writing, poor direction, poor special effects... they're just bad. Hell, even the actors look bored half the time, or like they're starting to regret signing up. They're movies to laugh at, not with. And while that may be a form of entertainment in and of itself, it's not entertainment I'm forking out cash for.

They're like watching something that should be on MST3K, only Nelson and the bots aren't there to add the real humor.

[Nobinsor]

In all honesty, I really enjoyed the first half or third of Postal...I mean...c'mon, Dave Foley's wang. Every inch of that man is humour. ESPECIALLY those inches. Yea...uhh...yeah.

Really though, until the story gets in the way, funny movie. Thanks for helping me remember it, Herr Strander! Uwe ist stolz auf dich!

[EC2151]

Yeah Boll's sense of pacing and scene transitions are laughably terrible: In In the Name of the King, for example, it never once feels like you're watching a connected narrative- it just feels like a bunch of vaguely related scenes shown in a particular order. Couple that with jarring and abrubt scene cuts and you have yourself some really funny stuff.

Plus Ray Liotta.

[Cyril the Wolf]

Uwe Bolls pacing kills it for me everytime.

I should not be Bored by a movie called dungeon siege. Though I have not seen Postal, I really don't think that blatantly showing bush and osama skipping off into the sunset constitutes good satire or movie-making.

Wang jokes are funny, yea, but he himself takes his own work far too seriously.

[ad.mixx]

Ahh wrong guy nevermind

[luhny]

I guess the main problem is that those movies are advertised as movie adaptions of video games, whilst most of them do have that much in common with the actual game. I find it pretty cheap to draw audience that way (who remembers the Final Fake-asy - Spirits Within? - I know it's not from boll, just the prime example of drawing-techniques)

That point aside, if I let the titles of the movies vanish and just value what I actually see on screen, I seriously think I can spend my time better by doing something else. I just do not enjoy movies that are bad paced, no matter how many well known actors play in it.

It's a shame when a movie bores me that much that I fall asleep (dungeon siege, per se).

I find it sad when I think about all the things that could have (easily) been improved to make the movies just plain better overall.

[Brandon Strader]

You don't count Spirits Within as an actual spin-off? I do!

Just because it's not controller-able doesn't make it less of a FF story to me.

There's a lot of mentioning of pacing, I dig that kind of stuff in movies and games. I've never seen it as a problem when i've watched the movies. Maybe it's why I enjoy the acting so much.

[luhny]

You don't count Spirits Within as an actual spin-off? I do!

Just because it's not controller-able doesn't make it less of a FF story to me.

Suit yourself, I see no relation to Final Fantasy in this movie whatsoever - not even the small cross references (Dr "Cid", a little "Chocobo" on a shirt...).

But to each his own. Aren't tastes wonderful?

I wish Uwe Boll had tastes...

[Brandon Strader]

Yeah, being into video games, what tasteless idiocy.

So what is it that "makes" a proper FF spinoff or sequel to you, not to derail too far from the topic... Is it because it has unique characters and environments that you don't accept it? Hell I accept it more than I do FF13 because it was pre-loss-of-president Squaresoft.

[Kenogu Labz]

The main tie I saw to FF in Spirits Within was to the Gaia/Terra plot seen in Final Fantasy IX. As a matter of fact, it was incredibly similar to that plot. Some of the humor was mildly entertaining. But the music... the music is incredible. While nothing like your average FF title, it's still a surprisingly delicious soundtrack.

In terms of Uwe Boll movies... never seen one yet. And from what I've heard, I may just avoid them for as long as possible. How a director like that keeps getting funded/green-lighted, I'll never know.

EDIT: ACK. luhny and me have the same pic, this is gonna get confusing. :S

[EC2151]

Seems like a lot of you do not know how to appreciate a good bad movie.

[Malaki-LEGEND.sys]

Spirits Within and Uwe Boll movies are bad for different reasons.

Spirits Within was just a poor transition of a series that isn't very easy to condense into a 2 hour movie format. The biggest problem with Spirits within wasn't the way it was made; it was its content. It was a 2 hour long fetch quest. Incidentally the plot is probably an "evolution" of Sakaguchi's original ideas for FFVII. Thankfully that never came to pass. Spirits Within feels like that competent "Sci-fi lite"(my own term) movie that would probably play on Sci-Fi on occasion. Had it not had the Final Fantasy name, I doubt people would have had a huge shit fit about it.

Uwe Boll movies on the other hand are basically "first year film student with a shaky cam's first film" project. Plenty of overacting, bad dialog, terrible scene translations, bad "frathouse" humor, no actual respect for the source material, etc. They are objectively badly made.

That doesn't mean you can't enjoy them. I do all the time(albeit ironically).

[Brandon Strader]

"first year film student with a shaky cam's first film"

I gotta ask you honestly, have you seen any of the movies?

[Malaki-LEGEND.sys]

I gotta ask you honestly, have you seen any of the movies?

House of The Dead 1 & 2, Blood Rayne 1 & 2, In The Name of The King(or Jason Statham Sticks a Sword up Your Ass), Dungeons and Dragons 2 and Postal. I've seen enough to know that they're pretty much terribad movies. Shaky cam wasn't meant to be taken literally. It was a measure of quality.

Have you even seen the synopsis for what he's doing for In The Name of The King 2(son of Jason Statham)? Dolph Lundgren plays Farmer's son sent into the future who becomes a cop, is attacked by ninjas one night and is sent back to the past.

While that sounds fucking hilarious, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Also, Boll used to be able to turn most if not all of the costs of his movies into tax write offs and deductions under German law for film investment.

[Brycepops]

Postal: Played the game,

How many people in this thread have even done this?

[Tensei]

i dunno i always considered Uwe Boll movies to basically be too shitty to even watch ironically but maybe i was wrong?!

[Schwaltzvald]

Only good for background noise.

[EC2151]

i dunno i always considered Uwe Boll movies to basically be too shitty to even watch ironically but maybe i was wrong?!

oh please, charlatan.

Anyone who watches

and is not bowled over by its magnificent acting doesn't know a good movie from a freight train.

How can you not gain a new insight on life when you hear forest ninja chick's criticism of man; she's sick of our "weapons and [our] killing"

Or when John Rhys Davies says sagely "Sometimes the gods know what's best for us," and Burt Reynolds, justifiably confused, exclaims with great gravity "What the hell does that mean?!?!"

It's beautiful stuff.

[Charlie's Angel]

Burt Reynolds is still alive? Or was at that point?

[hobostev3]

oh I remember going to see Final Fantasy: Spirits Within in theaters. I was so excited beforehand, but in the theater I was slumping down in my seat hoping it would end faster than it did :/.

Isn't Uwe Boll also the guy that did DOA? i remember seeing parts of that movie and thinking of how bad it would be. did he also do Dragonball Evolution or was that some other dude's mistake?

Also...

Only good for background noise.

so its good to masturbate to??