Hello there! Thank you!
Love the ambition with this one. Those vocals matched with the pulsating bass and dramatic, cinematic instrumentation remind me of the Theme from Farscape. Instantly though, the vocals seem far too quiet. They're a huge point of interest within the mix, but I'm straining to hear them. What I do hear sounds great, although could benefit from a little layering at key points for emphasis, and some more reverb/delay/backing harmonies to really fill them out. There's definitely space in the mix for them to sit right in the middle of, so it may just be a case of turning them up and seeing how it sounds. One thing I've learned when using vocals is to be bold and confident when applying them, especially if you're not used to implementing them in a mix. These sound too tentative for me as it stands.
Arrangement-wise, the energy levels are pretty even throughout the piece. A break section somewhere wouldn't go amiss, and although it starts dramatically, the sense of drama soon fades as there's no release of tension and build again. There's the briefest of breaks at 3:27, for about 4 seconds, but notice what a difference that tiny break makes once the vocals return at 3:31.
This is really close, and may not require all that much tinkering to get it sounding far better. I'd love for you to take another crack at that vocal mixing as a must-fix, and if there's anywhere you could fit a more substantial break section in, that would be a welcome addition.
NO (resubmit)