As much as I love the clock melody, I think it might be overdone, and it should fade into the back of the song, to let the melody progress. They could fade back in at the end, but the clock thing is too... well you hear it all the time, and it distracts from he song.
I love what you are doing with this and I see great potential in this song. In my opinion, you should not rely on the clock sound too much, it's a great idea, but I feel its holding the song back. At the end, you barely hear them, and the song is better for that.