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Everything posted by Liontamer
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Remixer name: Vidilian Real name: Vidal Spaine Email: vspaine14@hotmail.co.uk Game: Fire Emblem 7 Songs: Athos' theme, Silent ground and Knight's Oath Composer: Yuka Tsujiyoko System: Gameboy Advance Fire Emblem games definitley have underated soundtracks imo. Probably because the games aren't that popular. I love them though and wanted to do a remix of songs from the first game of the series that I played, 7. I tried to make a sort of epic lullaby. Relaxing yet epic at the same time. All done with a PSR1500 keyboard so I'm sample quality of some of the intruments and the choir is good enough. My second attempt at getting a mix on the site. I've improved quite a bit since the last mix I feel, but we'll see.
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Hey guys, Thought I'd toss this remix your way all though it may be a bit too cheesy for your site. There is a small site by the name of Vs compo where (among other things) us crazy remixers do one on one battles with one another. We pick a game, a song, and the time to do it in. I posted an introduction to myself there saying that I couldn't think of who to challenge or what game to try so I invited them to come to me instead with an idea. Little did I know that a certain someone by the name of KungFuFurby would accept my proposition and hit me with remixing something from the SNES version of RevolutionX. But hey, I wanted a challenge right? His explanation was basically that he wanted to see if we could make something good out of a game and soundtrack generally regarded as horrible . How could I not at least try? Yes, I am aware that half of the soundtrack consists of lo-fi Areo Smith songs and the other half is pretty awful. In case you haven't figured it out by now I am obviously nuts . Also, I am pretty sure that the way in which I used in-game sound fx and voice clips will have some of you cringing or at least wondering "What the hell man!?!" My reply to you is simply this. They were there for me to use, and given the oddity of the game in question how could I not? I think it's pretty cool and hilarious at the same time, but I am no OC judge and there is probably good reason for that . In any case, I mixed 2 songs together. "Inside Club X" and "Outside club X" and threw in some original improvisations all over the place. I really added a ton here. I hope you at least enjoy it! Oh, and if you're having trouble locating the SNES source that's no problem . http://mystro88.googlepages.com/revx.rsn Well, I look forward to comments from you guys on this one. If you "no" this I guess I could see why. I think "De- De-De De-De D-D-D Destroy!" could be insanely catchy. The title of this one is called "Music is a weapon" for obvious reasons. Well, I guess that's it then. Man, it'd be rad to see this posted but somehow I sort of doubt it . Oh well, thanks for taking the time to listen and give feedback. Take it easy, Jredd-
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Original Decision: http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=7741 Sup OG, So, in the time since I last subbed this particular track, I've tweaked it quite a bit. It's for the Tales project, so, on the off chance it gets accepted, it needs to be on lockdown. Here's the link & info! Remxer: The Joker Name: David L. Puga Email: Jtown_music(at)yahoo.com Website: www.myspace.com/davidlpuga Forum#:8669 (I think) Track: Cold Memory Game: Tales of Phantasia Song: Freeze Additonal: Summoning of Spirits Project track. Comments: Since the last time I submitted, I tweaked the arrangement considerably. Not so much in the first half, just added some string lines & tweaked arrangement. Though, the second half is almost completely new. Not so sure I did a good job on the new age-ish drums, but, I dig'em. What else... this is really the last & final version I'm gonna do of this track, so hopefully it'll pass. Hope you guys dig it! Later lates, David
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*NO* Kirby & The Amazing Mirror 'Kirby's Mystical Mirror'
Liontamer replied to Liontamer's topic in Judges Decisions
I just want to leave a side note that you don't necessarily need to get overzealous with adding new things in a vertical way, but more varying things horizontally. The source tune should not get completely lost in any revision of the arrangement. As I mentioned, it would be nice to get a little bit more of the source in the foreground aside from the intro and ending. -
I've been voting on everything for 3 1/2 years. "I'm a legend, bitch! I'm a legend!" P.S. Watch us fall behind again.
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OCR01858 - *YES* Super Dodge Ball 'Rockin' the Yard' *RESUB*
Liontamer replied to zircon's topic in Judges Decisions
Still dislike that organ intro. YES-able, but the sax performance lacks a lot of polish for the first verse. Things feels a lot smoother on that level later on. 2:51 was just sour though. I hope zircon gave you notes or a breakdown on what he did Brad, so you can apply that knowledge to future work. This is definitely a lot more balanced, with the other instrumentation locking together nicely, and the individual parts being very distinguishable. Nice rebalancing of the whole thing to let Brad's solid, creative composition shine through properly. -
Original Decision: http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=12914 worked on it like hell... hope this one qualifies. Remixer Nick - Lep666 Real Name - Shai Buskila Game - Raptor: Call Of The Shadows Original Track Name - Level 6 Remix Name - Eclipse -------------------------------------------------------------- Raptor: Call of the Shadows - Level 6 The intro still sounded pretty good. The string attacks at :31 were more serviceable, along with some decent brass support, although the soundscape was still to swamped up during those fuller section. The percussion at 1:07 was ok, but still felt a bit out of place. The new string work from 1:33 was ok. The volume effects from 1:38-1:43, didn't make much sense, with the last string writing from 1:41-1:42 sounding awkward. The brass samples first used at 1:43 sounded a bit flat. The strings at 2:24 were a bit jerky with the attacks but were serviceable. The acoustic guitar awkwardly cut out at 2:50. Well, they say fools rush in, and I feel like you resubmitted too fast given the vast amount of criticisms last time. Use those forums like I mentioned last time, get feedback before you rush into hitting us with it again. You're still moving in the right direction, but the polish isn't quite there yet. NO (resubmit)
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*NO* Kid Icarus 'Icarus Evolution' *RESUB*
Liontamer replied to Liontamer's topic in Judges Decisions
Ha! Just BARELY over the size limit (6,295,424 bytes), I think this is the closest I've seen someone get over exactly 6MB (6,291,456 bytes). http://www.zophar.net/nsf/kidicar.zip - Tracks 1, 2, 3 & 10 Yeah, I remember this arrangement from last time around. To me, this was a marked improvement, but not on solid enough ground yet. It's definitely too quiet to start. Even with an orchestral dynamic in mind, the intensity of the performance during the intro make this volume level sound unnatural. Nothing a volume raise on my site couldn't fix, but this should still be looked into. The full-stop transition at 1:43 wasn't a big deal as a 1-time thing. I've eased off of coming down as hard on medley-itis since the last time around on this, in that, if the arrangement is substantive enough, I'm not bothered by abrupt-level changes as long as the overall presentation feels like a cohesive-enough unit. Generally, I got the sense of that here, though even 2:39's transition was too abrupt. The soundfield definitely felt cluttered from 2:11-2:27. Definitely agreed with zircon re: the drums at 2:57 not contributing much due to their volume. All the drumwork still felt out of place to me, though less so than last time. As to many of the technical aspects zircon cited, I wouldn't be able to ID most of those things if I tried. Those didn't affect my vote, but it sounded like good insight and production advice at a deeper level that could be useful. The sample quality sticks out, mainly the brass. The string work and woodwinds were handled better, though I heard some mechanical sequencing with the woodwinds in particular. Though I wasn't as bothered by the lack of realism as zircon, it's nonetheless still a significant issue that affects the listen. For something where brass is so integral, the quality there in both sequencing and tone needs to be stepped up. But really, much of the instrumentation sounded thin and inhuman, undermining the strengths of the composition. Those are unfortunately still the dealbeakers on this one. Wish this could be refurbished with more realistic sequencing and some stronger sounds, but even if not, James, I'm looking forward to your next works, no matter what they are. NO (resubmit) -
Your ReMixer name – Navij11 Your real name – Jacob Naviasky Your email address – jnav@nycap.rr.com Your website – http://navij11.com/ Your userid – 20089 Name of game(s) arranged – Kirby and the Amazing Mirror Name of individual song(s) arranged – Opening Theme Additional information about game including composer, system, etc. – System was the GameBoy Advance, I could not find the composer. Link to the original soundtrack (if it is not one of the sound archives already available on the site) - Your own comments about the mix, for example the inspiration behind it, how it was made, etc. – This time I took a very cautious approach, unlike usual. I asked about the song on the forums, and they offered helpful tips on how to improve. This was meant to be a stylized piece, modeled after intelligent drum and bass from the mid to late 1990s, and I was attempting to emulate the well known artist Omni Trio. I think it came out well. This track is deceptively repetitive, and if you think that this song is too repetitive, then you are not listening right. To listen to this song: Get a comfortable pair of headphones and sit in a nice chair. Close your eyes and drift away. I swear that this will make the song much more enjoyable then simply staring at the blank putfile screen for 3 minutes. Enjoy guys, I worked hard on this one J Link to song: -------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.zophar.net/gsf/KirbyTAM.rar - 02 "Legend of the Mirror World" Well, the source is definitely arranged and in here pretty much the whole time, but is plays more of a background role to the beats and original writing on top. Kind of Ninja Tune-ish in terms of style, if y'all have heard of that label, only this is a lot less coherent of an idea. Not really anything melodic going on. Sure I am. Pretty much all of your support elements are repeating ad infinitum, especially the percussion & bassline. It's mostly just minor additional and subtraction of elements giving the track its dynamic curve. I see what you're saying, and agree with you to some extent. From a vertical building standpoint, most of this arrangement doesn't have much to do with Kirby, but what's there is surprisingly interpretive given how simple the source is. It's hard to fully get behind this though when the source tune is given such a peripheral role. I'm probably a lot more enthusiastic about this sub than most. This is almost nailing that Ninja Tune style. I'll be keeping it. A little bit more development of the source tune, Jacob, including potentially giving it more of a foreground role somewhere would be good. This doesn't need an overhaul, and I'd like to think we're open enough to an unconventional arrangement approach like this. With that said, using the source as more of background role doesn't discount the overall expansive approach of the arrangement as being uninterpretive, but it does have the tendency to make the source inclusion seem more of an afterthought rather than the focus. Very close to YESing this. The addition/subtraction composition style did help, but ultimately the cruise control of the instrumentation pushed me just under the borderline. We'll see how the others feel. NO (borderline/refine/resubmit)
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I was there!
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You need to provide music. Forget CHz, the box art may lead to some interest due to the weird imagery of the game. But you're not doing your request any justice without an audio link.
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*NO* Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening 'Facies Templum'
Liontamer replied to Liontamer's topic in Judges Decisions
http://www.zophar.net/gbs/zelda.zip - Track 88 Track 88 according to CHz anyway. Can't get this GBS to play at all. Any other GBS, all good. This one, no dice. "Face Shrine" regardless. Let's see what's up. Starts off pretty quiet. I can already see what Vigilante was talking about with the levels being too low; they hardly even register here. Not a huge deal though. I just turned it up, and it sounded good. Beautiful writing on the intro so far. The sax reverb also threw me off; something like this but a bit cleaner would work better, as this didn't sound even in the same universe as the other instrumentation. I'd tone it down a bit so that this meshed better with the soundscape. Ugh, 1:56. C'mon Brad, with this ultra-mechanical piano. Did you break the project file? No way something that mechanical is gonna get by. You gotta be better than that, and you know it. Give it the human touch. The sax production at 2:35 somehow sounded even more far-gone than the first verse. That's just baffling. If the rest of the soundscape had somewhat of a wash on it, this approach could work better. But there's nothing like that going on, just some light room-style reverb. Thicken up the back or thin out the front. Interesting touch at 3:12 with the brief performance noise. The strings suffered from the same realism issues, though definitely nowhere near as badly as the piano. The strings were a lot more serviceable, and were couched reasonably well in the soundscape so as not to be very exposed. The taper of the last few seconds around 4:47 needs to be touched up to not expose the sample. The ending itself was well written, but IMO the strings needed more volume, energy and tension to resolve this strongly and memorably. As is, the finish falters. Agreed with Vig, the arrangement is pretty solid. Beautiful concept, pulled off ok, with the silky sax performance obviously making the track. If you polish this up properly, you got it. If you can't, you don't got it. That's the short of it. NO (refine/resubmit) -
ReMixer Name: Garret Graves Real Name: Devin Paquette E-Mail Address: metalgarret@gmail.com (same as above) Forums ID: GarretGraves Song: The Antagonist Remix Of: Boss Theme Track from: Mega Man 3 (NES) Comments: I composed a metal remix for the boss theme from Mega Man 3 because I've been playing the main melody over and over on guitar for years just as something to fiddle with. Playing it brought me back to my old childhood days of doing nothing but playing guitar and playing Nintendo with my friends. So I decided to combine my two loves in my life. Metal and video games.I tried composing a remix before but it turned out badly and there were many mistakes in the rhythm I came up with. That was a few years ago. Now that I've become more educated in music, I thought I'd give it another go with a completely revamped version of my old one with more accuracy to the original track. I ran into some problems with this. Primarily the lead guitar being in tune with the rhythm guitar during the main theme. I'm GUESSING that's how the original sounds. I kept analyzing the game version to get as close as possible and I don't know if it's possible to get anymore accurate with a metal sound. The other thing is, to get the file to at least VERY CLOSELY comply with the submission instructions, I went with a bit rate of 160kb. I'm still slightly over 6megs. (6.38 to be exact) I'm hoping this isn't too much of a problem. The only instrument not being played by me are the drums. I used Fruity Loops for those. I also harmonized any guitar part possible that didn't totally obstruct the song. If anything it gave it just the right amount of color. Anyways, enjoy! -------------------------------------------------------------- We're not gonna post stuff over the filesize limit. We've had people ask being even closer to 6MB. If we make one exception, we have to make any exceptions. Nice try though. Doesn't hurt to ask, but nah. Just noting, if you wanted to get closer to the original, you could have used the NotSo Fatso plug-in for Winamp and disabled whatever channels you needed in order to isolate what you want. http://www.zophar.net/nsf/megaman3.zip - Track 13 ("Boss") Aside from the audible recording hiss, nice original opening. I'm a sucker for guitar work with those type of serene effects. Here's it's pulled off pretty nicely. Moved over into the source tune at :55. 1:21-2:06, the rhythm guitar and drumwork here were serviceable, but otherwise bland IMO. You're trying to get close to the style of the original, but to me you've sacrificed interpretation and personal flavor in the attempt to mirror the original. Hate to say it, but I'd argue you sacrificed energy as well, as I felt the original, as simple as it was, was more driving than this. That's not to say or imply this is poor, but the supporting instrumentation isn't that powerful, and could use more bite. Also, if you're gonna play the melody straight, you should be compensating with some creatively written support instrumentation. That's just in keeping up with the arrangement/interpretation bar we have here. Moved over into some original material from 2:09-2:36. 2:37-2:59 featured some soloing on top of the background pattern of the source tune, before moving back into the source from 3:03-3:15. Then some wholly original material before finally going back to the source from 4:15 until the end, again with the straight melody and bland support instrumentation ideas. I definitely felt like the original sections were a good ideas in concept. While they didn't sound out of place alongside the arranged portions, many of them didn't lift up the overall track either IMO. Sections like 3:28-3:50, they're just kind of...there. You could probably think up something that fits better and is more exciting. Pretty good first sub, Devin. There's a lot of good things in place, but this still hasn't realized its potential by a long shot. When dealing with the source, you can stand to do a lot more with it creatively, rather than just adapting it for a rock piece. Change the melody, the rhythms, the support, anything to spice this up and give it a more unique flavor. The original sections/solos can't be the only really new material offered up, as they have nothing to do with the source tune. NO
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Final Fantasy 6: Devils Lab 'It's Alive!' (Pendulum Style)
Liontamer replied to ellywu2's topic in Post Your Game ReMixes!
Just noting, don't get overenthusiastic in regards to revising this. It doesn't need an overhaul. -
Original Decision: http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=4152 I hope I understood correctly from the new standards page that ID3 tags aren't necessary, here goes: - Icarus Evolution Contact Information * James George * maestrodeclure@aol.com * www.soundclick.com/jamesgeorge * user id=3557 Submission Information * Kid Icarus * Title theme, Underworld, Overworld, Fortress, Boss Theme, Ending Theme * Composer: Hirokazu "Hip" Tanaka, system: NES * http://www.flyingomelette.com/kidicarus/kidicarusmidis.html Comments: I think this is what...the third time submitting this? maybe the fourth... I felt the title "Icarus Evolution" was appropriate because listening back on each version shows how far this mix has come. I just returned from a trip learning from Chris Bacon and James Newton Howard, so I wanted to take a stab at trying some sequencing tricks I learned. Thus, I beat this ol' dead horse some more. I think last time the comments were mainly: the transitions stink, and something about "medleyitis". May God bless the creator of that word with seven years bad luck, and gas, lots of gas. This piece was originally 10 minutes long, then truncated to fit time and size, so yes the transitions are admittedly not as I would have them. As for medleyitis, I deliberately approached this as a medley, not an overture. While I do recognize that creating a true medley would go against the actual purpose and criteria of OCR, I do also feel that the shear amount of work I've put into this also speaks for itself. I really felt there was a genius to the Kid Icarus soundtrack, and I wanted to showcase that while still doing my best to make it my own. Here's hoping I fall on the other side of the fence this last time; I can promise I won't touch this f@#$ing music ever again, ha ha. Bonus if you accept this: finally you can tell every whining complaining SOB that ever had their "perfect mix" rejected that there's good reason and point to this work. j/k
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*NO* Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker 'Calling of The Winds'
Liontamer posted a topic in Judges Decisions
BIG Man Brandon McKinnon bossmanstudios@yahoo.com The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker Hero of The Wind Overworld Theme I was playing Wind Waker, and I heard this theme. I really liked it, and I thought it was something a little more obscure than the Gerudo theme. I wanted it to start off kind of evil and menacing and end up being happy and triumphant. I believe I accomplished that. It breaks it's own mold, too. To me it sounds like something you might hear at a Blue Man Group concert. It has synth elements along with live samples, and it leans towards hip-hop some, too. ------------------------------------------------------------ The Legend of Zelda ~Takt of Wind~ Original Sound Tracks - 103 "The Legendary Hero" There were some good interpretive takes on the main Zelda source, usually involving the supporting instrumentation being changed, but also some good melodic interpretation. Other times though, the melody itself couldn't have been more by the numbers. Interpretive will always serve you better around here. The orchestration was decent. The "hip-hop" parts definitely were not. You can't throw some overly simplistic beats in the background and call it hip-hop style. I'd joke that you were offending half of me, but weak execution of music offends all of me. I kid. So the opening was a decent concept, but very poorly executed. I hate to say it, but the whole orchestral/hip-hop thing ain't working at all for ya. The sections just don't piece together well. You'd have been in a better position if you had stuck with orchestration. Even though many of your samples don't sound that hot, you generally had some good composition ideas. Not yet solid enough for me to pass even if this was just orchestral, but just saying you showed some skill on that level. Keep at it. NO -
Yo, remix: The Place I'll Probably Return to Someday, maybe by Cram original: Final Fantasy IX - The Place I'll Return to Someday by Nobuo Uematsu This is something that I was working on a few weeks ago and decided to revisit. I really like how it turned out. I'd always have the opening tune stuck in my head after playing ffIX and wanted to re-do it, my style. I am a huge fan of Nobuo and absolutely love to listen to/play ska music. So it's no surprise this song came to be. This is my second submission and after recovering from the sorrow of being rejected on the first, I decided to submit another. I tried my best to follow the advice that was given to me and it actually helped me a lot. In retrospect, I put a lot more effort into this one than the last. Anyways, I'll stop blabbering - enjoy! Thanks, -marc http://www.checkerpop.com -------------------------------------------------------------- http://tzone.org/~llin/psf/packs2/FF9_psf.rar - 101 "The Place I'll Return to Someday" Piano Collections Final Fantasy IX - 03 "The Place I'll Return to Someday" The source the artist linked to was pnly a clip from FF9's Piano Collections. In this case, I'd say don't bother; it's just a piano cover, so on that level it didn't offer any new insight into the source that the PSF doesn't. In any case, definitely a cool approach to the arrangement, just not produced very well, IMO. No idea why the leads were placed so far back in the soundscape to the point of not being very audible. The thick beat felt like it was distorting a bit on each hit, but it may have been just because it was layered with something else. In any case, not a good sound to keep getting hit with every second. I'd appreciate a knowledgeable second opinion specifically on that. Melody is vastly changed, arriving at :33, with the chorus from :52-1:12. Melody returned on piano from 1:12-1:50, thus showing why he felt the Piano Collections version was his source. Track ends at 1:52 with about 4 seconds of silence at the end that would need to be snipped. The arrangement was definitely highly interpretive. I'd argue the groove was good (solid beat, strong bassline), but not good enough to carry the track on cruise control for the entire time. Some may disagree; the brevity of the track certainly makes this level of repetition more tolerable, plus the backing guitar kwak in the back would vary up here and there. (All the guitars were nicely performed, IMO.) IMO, I think the core groove could be altered once or twice without ruining the character of the arrangement, but I'd literally be satisfied with the instrumentation being rebalanced. Awesome first sub, and good luck with the rest of the vote. Definitely hope to hear more from you in the future, Marc. NO (borderline/refine/resubmit)
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*NO* Advance Wars: Dual Strike 'Midnight Skirmish'
Liontamer replied to Liontamer's topic in Judges Decisions
Advance Wars: Dual Strike (Game Rip) - 31 "Green Earth Theme" Interesting opening, certainly a different approach with the material. Very Genesis-style. The piano runs from :23-:29 felt a bit too muddy, but nothing inherently wrong with that approach. :29 was a good concept but felt too spartan. Vox at :29 sounded extremely cheap with the robotic note movements. The vibes/marimba/wuteva from :41-:54 sounded too cheap and exposed. Liked the switch over at 1:05 into the organ (which should have been louder at some point at least). Everything's feeling too spartan and not making effective enough use of the sounds. The 1:47 section seemed the worst in terms of sound balance as everything besides the lead and beats were swamped out, worse from 2:01-2:13 when more elements joined in, only feeling more cluttered despite the thin sounds. I like the concept, and the arrangement was definitely at a good interpretive level so far, but the execution lacks too much polish. NO -
Tales of Symphonia Original Soundtrack - (101) "Tales of Symphonia" Nice source tune, albeit brief. CHz would poop on it, due to massive Sakuraba-bias. We mourn 'Ili's passing from lack of taste. Track starts off really quietly, so I'm hoping there's some sort of dynamic build to justify it. The sequencing was fairly good, though there's some rigidness to it. I do the so-so hand sign. The source tune definitely sounds a lot smoother in terms of humanization, which hurts a track like this hoping to break out in the same genre. Volume picked up around :45 to some pretty good levels. The brass and woodwind were pretty fake-sounding and fairly exposed to me, especially the woodwind. The brass reminded me of a higher-quality Super Mario 64's samples, i.e. serviceable, but ain't gonna fool anyone. 1:28's section was spartan for some good contrast, but all the samples felt exposed and the mechanical feel of the composition was only more exposed. Not sure of the writing from 2:22-2:24 working well; there could have been a transition that didn't sound jarring. The more verbatim-level playthrough of the source from 2:42-3:01 sounded fairly decent. The arrangement was definitely hindered by the execution, which explains a bit why DS wasn't feeling this. The arrangement was interpretive but could do more to stand apart from the source, given the same genre. Further interpretation would help this feel different enough from a slightly militarized version of the original, but this was clearly in the right direction. There's some, but IMO the sample articulations lacked enough finesse. I'm sure you approached this in the right way, but to me, the quieter areas weren't effective enough. I could hear what you were going for though. Definitely agreed with DarkeSword on his articulation and balance criticisms, which explains why the dynamic contrast you went for sounded so awkward. More finesse and balance with these samples, and I'd more likely be down. NO (resubmit)
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Nelly Furtado's DO IT has Shinobi-like sample?...
Liontamer replied to 2peteshakur's topic in General Discussion
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2007_Timbaland_plagiarism_controversy -
Yeah, I know Madame Avenger wanted me to feedback this earlier, but I just don't have much time for evaluating material that's not on the panel. Currently, submitting is basically how you be sure to get feedback from me. Let's see what we got. http://snesmusic.org/v2/download.php?spcNow=rd - "Requiem ~ Dream Shore (2)" [rd-09.spc] http://tzone.org/~llin/psf/packs2/Chrono_Cross_psf.rar - 107 "Dream of the Shore Bordering Another World" The intro was still weird, with choppy mechanical sequencing on the lead and no real melodic qualities. Might as well have cut out all of the first :42 seconds, IMO. Picked up a bit stronger as the song finally built up. That gliding synth brought in at :53, the writing on it just wasn't harmonizing well with the other writing. So far, there's a lack of cohesion the in both the writing and the sound choices. Even in light of the relative sparseness, the texture sounds busy for the sake of being busy, but wasn't effectively done. If this was to be overhauled, I would have scrapped most of the structure here. DA arrived at 1:33. A little hit and miss still in terms of the syllable structure of the lyrics, but ok IMO. The instrumentation sounding so unfocused tended to bring her down inadvertently. I felt her voiced wasn't couched in the soundscape effectively enough (echoing what DarkeSword said about the vocals feeling too disjointed from the music), plus I didn't feel the percussion anchored or directed the flow of the piece. The harmonization at 2:32 was a decent idea, but the vocals still sounded too dry despite the effects. I probably would have switched the foreground and background vocals there opening that section up. The performance could use some production touch-ups on some of the drier, more exposed parts, with 2:39-2:41 "...dow, staring" and 2:53 "what" standing out, even though the criticism isn't major. Not feeling the closing section at all starting from 3:51's transition during the vocals. There are a lot of style changes here (:42, 2:20, 3:05, 3:51) where the transitions aren't cohesive IMO. The dynamic of the track ended up awkward as a result. Dunno if it's worth it to attempt to revisit this one after so many attempts, but I would rethink the approach to the instrumentation more than anything else. It needs more direction and cohesion. Some of the writing could be scrapped in favor of something smoother in order to maintain a smoother, more natural dynamic. NO