I'm not a judge, but to my ears this version has plenty of personalization, with its emphasis on leads and arps over groove in the original. Apart from the ending, I don't feel like it's missing anything arrangement-wise, I was plenty of interested throughout and there was a lot of variety in small and large scale (again, if you ask me).
Mix/sound is pleasant and e.g. the leads are decidedly on top of the mix, easily listenable like they should be.
There's a bit of harmony clashing here and there, for instance at 1:49 the backing is in different key than the descending arpeggio thing. I'll try to find time to timestamp these. I saw I said this already a couple of years ago, oops..
Now back to the ending, it definitely sort of peters out. I've had a couple of arrangements myself where I got feedback that the piece just ends, for a couple I made little codas that resolved properly and that seems to have worked well enough. You could work what you have here into a more assertive coda that ends with a nice resolving chord, instead of things kind of fading out, I feel like there's at least the seed of that there. Or perhaps you could try to make a build-up into a climax at the end there.
For my money, once the harmony clashes are sorted out, this is really great listening (and makes me want to re-play the game ...), and definitely making the ending more confident is also worth working on. Again can't speak for evaluation, but this is very close to a fine VGM rearrangement and very close what I'd feel comfortable submitting.