Alright, there's the source. Seems like you have a decent arrangement of the track so far (albeit conservative). Some of the instruments seem to be pretty bland (like that 'guitar' thing playing rhythm, and the lead synth is a bit too vanilla). Overall, I think you could make this into a much more powerful mix if you spread your mix a bit better, since while everything is in the center, panning-wise, it creates a pretty dirty soundscape. I don't think there's too much going on, though - it just needs to be given more room via panning.
The mix is lacking a high end, as well, giving the track a dull sound, overall. An instrument or two that covered the highs would be a good idea to include/replace another instrument with, or even tweaking the master track's EQ highs would be a good idea.
I liked the chiptune stuff, and the overall direction could work quite well if you start adding some more variation to the track (as it's on the road to being too conservative, as it stands). The 'live-ish' drum set (especially the snare) doesn't seem to fit quite as well with most of your other instruments, here, since most of the track sounds sequence-centric. If you want to keep the more realistic drums try introducing more real instruments, like a guitar and replacing the sequenced bassline with a real bass... actually, you should find a way to do that anyway, as that would take your track to new heights, regardless.
I think it has a way to go to being on OCR, but I don't think it's inconceivable, as long as you're aware of what you need to do, here. They also better be willing to accept this flash game track, because Rokko Chan's soundtrack was amazingly awesome. Best of luck, bro.