The 8-bit stuff really needs to be softened or filtered down a bit, IMO. However, I actually think that, despite it, you did a good job of bringing out the melodies.
I love the overall feel of the track. The referencing of the Metroid Prime series' choral-sounds here and there (actually, the sounds used throughout are very reminiscent of those used by the games themselves) were a nice touch.
The main thing I'm getting from your mix is a lack of solid direction. Where do you want to take us? You've got the running sixteenths throughout, and when you softened them by the end of the track I assumed it was going to go in a different direction... but of course, then it ended. The track is pretty static in terms of dynamics; I feel this is one option that you could easily turn to in order to create variety and hold the interest of your audience. I'd also agree with Dash's suggestion of a breakdown, though that's up to you... I can see the piece working well both with and without one.
Of course, again, it all depends on what you're trying to do. Really nice track you've got here.