Okay, I'm here now, you can calm down
let's see listening to the original. Funny tune O.o
..and nooow, your remix.
Cool intro, caught me off-guard in a good way.
The bass is hard panned right, not a good idea. It makes the mix sound less consistent. Especially in a genre such as hip-hop you want a bass with a lot of low end in the middle of the mix.
The guitar-thing that's in the left speaker is interesting, but it is very lo-fi in it's character. As tweek pointed out, a more squelchy mono synth would probably sound way cooler.
As for production, it's very much hi-mid and high frequencies. not much bass at all. Try EQing them drums.
I like how you use panning as a weapon, but don't overdo it. Bass to the middle please, and don't pan stuff super-hard, gives a very shattered impression.. though I AM on headphones..
The strings are not that bad for what they are. Does the work quite well, but are you using some kind of distortion on them? scream 4? still it's not that bad but some EQing and less reverb/delay or whatever it is could make them sweeter.
Heh, when you go back to listen to the source you get all happy XD nice ideas. keep working now knives!