first thought: it's too conservative. most of the melodies are left (pretty much) untouched, although there is some nice expansion in the bass and supporting parts. a lot of the instrumentation is also similar, although there are a few nice variations here as well, such as the piano section about halfway through.
it's quite long- there are several sections that go on for a while with no real melody or build up, and by the end it can get pretty boring. i think a lot of what you have can be condensed into something with a little more flow and cohesion. the overall volume is also pretty low, and the soundscape is kinda muddy. the individual instruments are nice, and I can see this being a really cool atmosphere with some mixing improvements, but right now a lot of instruments are 'washing together' so to speak. cutting down on some of the reverb a bit might help with that.
anyway, i like what you've got here, but it'll need some more arrangement and production work to hold up against the judges. best of luck!