Much improved if I recall correctly. Vocals much better.
crits:
Not sure if it's the headphones, but I can't seem to hear any bass (guitar) in the mix.
Beginning, when things come in, there's lack of definition. The very start, it just seem to fade in very suddenly. I think it'd be better if it started with a bit of silence and you could hear the first note. Similarly, guitars and vocals coming in 00:16-00:17, especially the vocal entrance sounds kind of rushed. It's important to start with clarity and confidence, especially since the vocals do sound clear and confident mostly otherwise!
The beginning of the 1:08 verse with rockier vocals is a little off-tune, and again makes for a sloppy start for an otherwise all right singing.
The first high screamed "memories consumed" is also slightly off, though I don't actually mind that bit, for me it just adds a little of the appropriate emotion to it.
I wasn't sold on a portion of the guitar solo, 02:57-03:05, it feels a little off-time, off-tune, exposed/dry. The previous bit and the end were fine. Could be played tighter, the sound could perhaps be a little beefier, or the mixing in that spot could support it a little more.
03:22 - the vocal again has a weak start, while by the end it sounds very good with the end of the scream. NO PUSSYFOOTING!
When I sing, I have trouble with starts of song, starts of verses etc. I try to feel like I'm already "inside" the song and already singing, even if I'm actually not. That helps for me. Not sure if that makes sense.. When recording, you can even figure out a "lead in" that you start singing before the part actually starts to get your voice ready, and then cut it off after recording. Not sure though if any real singer or producer - me being neither - would recommend such a technique!
04:04 - I'd suggest putting the falsetto vocals to the background and bringing the lead guitar to the front at this point, to change things up a bit. We've already been hit with several volleys of vocals in succession. Let's hear that getaaarrrr.
The fade-out is a bit fast or sudden.
Big list of crits, but this is a great arrangement with really effective lyrics.. it deserves a bit of more polish on the execution side, to be awesome. The treatment of the source is both natural and unexpected!
--Eino