Well, gosh, since you asked nicely. Not trying to be harsh, here, just being honest!
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First impressions:
- Love that little sine arpeggio you start off with. Reminds me of some stuff from Animusic.
- Alright, there's a fairly basic bass, but ya never know.
- Hrm, string samples are really fake-sounding to me. They just don't really fit in with the synthetic vibe you established at first, either.
- You waited about 50-ish seconds before really bring the main melody in, with not a lot of anything exciting going on before that, not sure that's a great idea.
- Actually, a lot of your sound choices are reminding me of Animusic.
- Everything is really dry-sounding. Very little in the way of ambience.
- Ending with the sine arpeggio is a safe choice, but the way it was executed doesn't really make the song sound like a complete entity.
Right, time for some explanation and dissertation. The overall feeling I get from this track is that it's (a) very close to the original source, and ( suffers from poor sound selection a lot of the time.
I've already mentioned the strings as being off, but I'm really not a fan of that bass, either. It could be used effectively, but not with the bassline you have written for it or with the percussion you've chosen to use. It's super-dry, and it's rather heavy in the midrange, rather than the actual bass spectrum. You can get away with that if your kick is quite low in the bass spectrum, but in this case your kick and bassline are fighting each other for space in the mix.
The mix hasn't got very good separation of the stereo field--you've got a good stereo effect on the main lead, and a bit of stereo delay on the sine effect (did I mention how much I like that sine sound?), but everything else is crammed right in the middle of my head (I'm on headphones). Let the mix breath a bit--at least introduce some stereo detuning or something!
The drum patterns you've used aren't terribly varied. It's the same pattern over and over and over again with one or two fills. Switch it up, man! Also, don't introduce all the percussive elements at once. Bring the hats in and out to manage tension and signify different parts of the assignment. Oh, speaking of signifying different parts of the assignment, I don't know if I heard a single crash cymbal in there. Not that you have to have crashes, per se, but either a crash or a white-noise sweep of some sort will really help signify the different parts of the song. As it stands, everything kinds blurs together and I'm at the end of the song going, "Wait, where was everything?"
I'm not sure I dig the organ-esque synth, either. That's also a bit too dry-sounding, and I'm not sure it fits into the mix very well. Basically, you're crowding the mid-range (off the top of my head, I'd guess between 200hz-4000hz). You can fix that by either VERY VERY careful EQ tuning, or just modifying your arrangement so that not every instrument in that frequency range is playing at the same time. In the digital music world, half the mix is done in the arrangement alone.
So, in summary, you need to vary your patterns for drums and bassline so they don't get boring. You need to clean up your soundset so that it fills up the stereo field a lot better, as well as dealing with the midrange EQ clutter. Finally, I'd really work on the arrangement. Let me know that this is a song, and not just some patterns thrown together.
Really sorry to have to throw the book at you like this, but I do think this needs a lot of work. Best of luck, and feel free to bother me over Skype or AIM or whatever (details on my profile) as you're working!
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