Well, I'm still in the middle of the microcritiquing, but I was pretty saddened to see that you tied for last place with me (I wasn't saddened that I came in last though). I thought the story was well-contained and the "walk and talk" (more like walk and backstory, lol) approach worked for me - leading well into the main event of the plot.
Something about that conflict and the climax didn't sit well with me. Things didn't seem to be happening at an even pace, I think, and the fairly long remarks by Jason coupled with the fast and brief action in the surroundings didn't help on that front. Plus, it seemed a little unrealistic, too perfect that the protagonist evaded all harm?
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Maybe I should try to qualify my story before the microcritiques pour in, so that maybe I could get more constructive criticism on what I feel I'm weak on (though I might be weak in more ways than I think). I was aiming for something short with fairly open-ended characters in a situation that people could relate to on an issue. Am I mistaken in not giving my characters more depth? Should I be putting in more narrative and past events so that the characters and the emotions seem more... real? Or, as Jam Stunna put it, was the emotion just not strong enough on its own?