ASK A JUDGE: While we're busy NOT voting - your questions, we want 'em

[JJT]

Oh but sir, I beg to differ.

But that's another discussion entirely.

uh, that one goes both ways. if you wanna put it all on girls though, go for it.

[zykO]

so how did this thread turn into a love advice one, again?

=)

[Liontamer]

so how did this thread turn into a love advice one, again?

=)

I offered it in the first post; I knew it would be fun!

I'll also answer relationship questions, because some of you guys need a shitload of help.

Yeah, Off-Top has that advice thread, but watching most of those guys in action is like the blind leading the blind.

[zykO]

I offered it in the first post; I knew it would be fun!

Yeah, Off-Top has that advice thread, but watching most of those guys in action is like the blind leading the blind.

i suppose we do have a few credentialed studs on the panel, come to think of it...

[Hausdog]

Really? Where?

*flinches instinctively*

[anosou]

Really? Where?

*flinches instinctively*

*flexes stud muscles*

[Dhsu]

Yeah, Off-Top has that advice thread, but watching most of those guys in action is like the blind leading the blind.

And now everyone who read Intellectual Whores thinks he's an expert.

[Liontamer]

And now everyone who read Intellectual Whores thinks he's an expert.

Don't be stupid. Ladder Theory just explains some aspects of attractions and relationships, it doesn't tell you HOW to actually do a good job in a relationship. I never even heard of Ladder Theory until 4 years after getting my shit straight. Nonetheless, it's great, and pretty much all true, albeit stating things in a different way.

[Sengin]

*flexes stud muscles*

THAT would be called the Kegel exercises

[Dhsu]

Don't be stupid. Ladder Theory just explains some aspects of attractions and relationships, it doesn't tell you HOW to actually do a good job in a relationship. I never even heard of Ladder Theory until 4 years after getting my shit straight. Nonetheless, it's great, and pretty much all true, albeit stating things in a different way.

You edited your post to call me stupid?

[Abadoss]

Ah, the joys of being overlooked...

[Platinum Azure]

We aim to add 20 new judges in the next 6-8 weeks or so. If any of you think you have what it takes, write a 100-200 word essay explaining why you would be a good judge and send to darkesword at ocremix dot org.

Hey, if you're actually serious, I'm considering sending something... only I have a whopping five posts here, maybe. And no ReMixing, but that's due to lack of tools... haha. I do have a ridiculously good ear, though, and enough theory background to get by.

The thing is, normally, I wouldn't send anything with that little qualification, but I have no idea when this will be done again and if there's any chance of getting a toe in the door... you know?

But you're probably joking anyway. If not, though, care to tell me what you think? >_>

[The Pezman]

Since I do post a music question every time I respond, I don't feel guilty about "derailing" the thread.

Nonetheless, it's great, and pretty much all true

Your argument still appears to have contradictions in it. Wikipedia describes Ladder Theory as such:

LT thus presumes that a platonic friendship between a man and a woman, in practice, lowers rather than increases the likelihood that the relationship will develop into a sexual one, due to the greater perceived tendency of women to maintain strong separation between relationship types. As a result, the initial decision-making process on how a particular relationship is to be classified is considered vital to understand. This process of classification and ranking is described as a "ladder".

LT argues that heterosexual women categorize men into either "possible sexual partners" (sometimes called the "Potential" ladder) or "nonsexual acquaintances" (sometimes called the "Never" ladder). Each category has a hierarchical ranking among members within them, based on their perceived sexual desirability or the perceived value of their friendship. The separation between ladders is derived from a perceived tendency in women to assign value on the ladders based on significantly different criteria: the qualities deemed desirable in a friend often appear very different from those considered attractive in a sexual partner. LT also presumes a tendency in women to infer that the strength or presence of one set of qualities equals the absence or weakness of the other -- essentially, that a specific man's rank on one ladder is inversely proportional to his "natural" rank on the other -- thus leading them to rigidly maintain this categorization once assigned.

As I mentioned, just about everyone I know was friends with their SO before they dated, sometimes for years. And since you've already admitted that pursuing a friendship under nonromantic terms is a perfectly valid way to lead to dating, that necessarily means that the male's position on the female's supposed ladders must shift: from a good friend to a boyfriend. Not to mention:

LT can be of use in exposing certain bad habits that do occur in relationship dynamics, but it has more value as a negative to avoid in oneself than a model to manipulate or exploit in others.

I wasn't around when Sam was on the panel, but what benefits and deficits do you think can be derived when judges talk in terms of music theory? I did take courses in the stuff once upon a time, and if I manage to get into remixing I wouldn't mind some refreshers, particularly to make sure my compositions are harmonically... well, not correct, but harmonically sensible.

[DarkeSword]

Hey, if you're actually serious, I'm considering sending something... only I have a whopping five posts here, maybe. And no ReMixing, but that's due to lack of tools... haha. I do have a ridiculously good ear, though, and enough theory background to get by.

The thing is, normally, I wouldn't send anything with that little qualification, but I have no idea when this will be done again and if there's any chance of getting a toe in the door... you know?

But you're probably joking anyway. If not, though, care to tell me what you think? >_>

Joking.

[Platinum Azure]

Joking.

After you even posted a follow-up? I totally hate you.

[JJT]

user darkesword has been tempbanned for trolling

[BlueMage]

So Judges, the girls in the uni's cheerleading club were flirting with me on the market days (my manly self was maning the marital arts club stall, across from the Pastafarians and next to the Christians. Great day of laughs) and they said I should sign up because they needed hefty guys to throw around the cute smaller girls. I declined, citing lack of flexibility.

Did I miss out on a great opportunity for extracurricular activties that may or may not have led to me being slapped by my girlfriend?

[Dafydd]

Yes. Eheh, what was that movie where this little guy had to lift this really heavy girl and fell... eh... Dodgeball, wasn't it?

[Liontamer]

So Judges, the girls in the uni's cheerleading club were flirting with me on the market days (my manly self was maning the marital arts club stall, across from the Pastafarians and next to the Christians. Great day of laughs) and they said I should sign up because they needed hefty guys to throw around the cute smaller girls. I declined, citing lack of flexibility.

Did I miss out on a great opportunity for extracurricular activties that may or may not have led to me being slapped by my girlfriend?

Based off what you said, yes, you did miss out on being slapped by your girlfriend. But the injuries that rack up in cheerleading still made it the right choice, IMO.

[BlueMage]

Awesome, that's what I thought

The really scary thing is, the alpha-female of their little pack wasn't the tall gorgeous brunette, but rather the short little blonde. She had the good grace to join the Pastafarians though, so I can forgive her shortness.

Also, great service you're offering here.

[Liontamer]

Your argument still appears to have contradictions in it.

As I mentioned, just about everyone I know was friends with their SO before they dated, sometimes for years. And since you've already admitted that pursuing a friendship under nonromantic terms is a perfectly valid way to lead to dating, that necessarily means that the male's position on the female's supposed ladders must shift: from a good friend to a boyfriend.

Nah, you're misunderstanding what I'm saying. I don't know your friends, how long they've been dating, or how strong their relationships are. Nonetheless, moving from long-time friends to dating isn't as common as you're making it out to be. I can get into it later, but there are always extenuating circumstances that can explain what the dynamic was before they became more serious (e.g. how close and knowledgeable of each other they were as friends, how aloof the guy was, either party having hangups or low standards that would encourage them to settle). I was friends with The Lady for 4 years before we ever went out, but it's not because I was pining at her for 4 years. Once I realized I was down, I stopped functioning as her friend and immediately switched gears.

I also didn't say that pursuing a friendship under non-romantic terms is a perfectly valid way to lead to dating. It's valid in the same way that you could learn to fly a plane through watching action films. Could you potentially do it? Maybe, but highly unlikely. Would I recommend you do it that way when there are clearly better ways? No.

What I'm saying is that because you don't want to DATE to get to know people, trying to learn more about the person "your way" through being their friend is currently your only option, and thus, by default, your best one. But it's a statistically bad option, and you should change it.

Part of it may be (and I hate to play psych but am gonna try to infer something anyway), is that you don't wanna come across as a dog and like "all the other guys". In a way, you're denying your attraction. When you're saying "I don't know if I'm interested until I get to know them", that's inadvertently a lie. What you really mean is "I'm interested, but I don't know if I'll still be interested once I get to know them." That's more forthcoming. After all, there must be a reason to justify using a friendship explicitly to research them. Well, congratulations, it's because they passed your physical attraction test, and now you wanna worm up in it.

As a male, being the friend of a girl is only OK if you don't have any interest in dating her. When you have no other motives or expectations, that's when it's truly all about friendship. Since this isn't your case, no matter how you want to spin it, I'd recommend you don't attempt to go the friend route. If you simply ASK a girl for her home phone number, the acceptance or rejection there removes ambiguities in a lot less time than if you're trying to be buddy buddy.

And let's say you do ask for a date and get it. When you go out, there are a myriad of things you can learn about the girl's attraction level to you not only through the success or failure of conversation, but also her reaction to the venue as well as her body language in that date setting, things you can't learn with that level of accuracy by being buddies.

Nothing you quoted contradicted anything I said about Ladder Theory being accurate. When I'd heard of it, it was a great supplement/verification of what I already knew.

[OceansAndrew]

Stuff that is true.

Damn you, Larry, for making me break my promise to be stingy about giving this out, but you definitely earned it.

Pez, listen to Dr. Lovetamer.

[Hausdog]

**yoinked**

[OceansAndrew]

**yoinked**

OMG you jerk ;_;

[Dhsu]

Actually it seems to me that the most controversial aspect of Ladder Theory is actually the claim that men only have one ladder (the sex ladder), as opposed to two like women do. And all of Larry's advice so far seems to strongly contradict that claim.