As I mentionned, my friend's sister died in a car crash. And well, again, I have a hard time dealing with death. The fact is that I nearly died so many times (4 and counting) that death does not scare me personally, but I hate it when it affects someone I know.
The thing is that I somehow feel guilty for myself having survived so many times against pretty steep odds. I don't know why I feel guilty that I am alive and others are dead.
And also, my way to deal with death, and well, with many thing, is humour. However, whenever someone dies, I feel like I am disrespecting the memory of the person who died by trying to smile and laugh.
And also, I wish to go to her funerals (even though I never met her, I want to be there for my friend, and his girlfriend who also is my cousin), but I am broke. I mean really, this week I don't have a penny to spare. My logic tells me I should not got. My heart however, does not share that idea. The fact that I am concidering not going makes me feel like a horrible person.
EDIT: Wow, I was sure I was in unmod, and you can't delete a thread... Well, if a mod could move this to unmod. I want people to see my thread.