I'm going to assume the version on the first page is the final version (since nothing else is up, atm).
The arrangement is pretty fun (though there are a few moments that seem to clash a little bit, particularly at 1:13-1:14 and moments after just like it - might want to adjust the source to fit better there). The arrangement is recognizable, yet given a completely different feel. Beware of the ending, though - it IS pretty abrupt. Try softening it a little bit, there - even an FO would be better (though I hope you don't go that route).
The drums are well EQ'd, arranged and mixed. If everything else had that quality this would be an easy pass... but as it is, I think there's some EQ'ing needed to give the rest of the instruments some more poignancy. Most of the instruments are missing their highs and lows, and it seems to be constricting both their quality and volume. I don't know if you high and low passed them to give room for the drums, but it's affecting the rest of the mix negatively. For bass instruments, try sidechaining them to the bass drums, if that'll help prevent clipping. For the highs... well, try balancing the drum set highs and the rest of the instruments so they can share the space (rather than giving it all to the drums).
Yeah, it's just EQ and mixing issues I hear. The arrangement is great (save for the ending), and the style is perfect. I don't think it'll pass with the mixing issues, but with a little work I think you'll be in good shape.