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Bad Games and You


Brushfire
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I've bought my share of bad games, but most of them I bought cheap and only half expected to be any good. The worst ones are those that have you expecting greatness and then turn out to suck just as bad as those in the bargain bin.

Gungriffon Blaze = biggest disappointment in an unknown game for me. I love Armored Core, and this looked like it had similar gameplay. Unfortunately, I couldn't play more than 5 minutes of it because the damn sticks were reversed. There should be some kind of law that the left stick will always be for movement, and the right for camera/turning. Even worse, the game was stuck in first person so I couldn't even look at my mech or see where it was going.

Metroid Prime = the single biggest disappointment in a game ever that I can recall. I knew this wasn't going to be like the 2D Metroids and that it was styled after an FPS with more platforming than usual for them, but for the love of god WHY did it only use the left stick?! The game has the same controls that FPSs had on the N64, which means that you can't aim and move at the same time. Now I realize that the game had an auto-target feature, but to me that ruins any fun an FPS can have. I mean, what's the point of playing a shooting game when you don't have to aim? Aside from that, A and B were also reversed from everything we've come to know and love. The worst part is that I really really wanted to like this game, since it looked great and the environment was interesting. I was able to play through something like 1/3 of it, but once the enemies got dangerous there was no fun way to fight them. You either let the game aim for you while you run back and forth mashing A, or you aim yourself while standing there like you're a f***ing gun turrent. One thing I DID like was the morph ball, and whenever my friends wanted to fight me in Prime 2 I would fight ONLY in ball form. Surprisingly enough, you can actually put up a good fight with the ball alone. Sorry if that read like a review, but I'm still in shock even now that nintendo had a controller with two sticks and didn't let you use them properly.

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After seeing the first two Metroid Primes and Resident Evil 4 listed here, I think it's safe to say that any game is fair to list here. It kinda kills the point of the thread for me, personally.

On a different note, I enjoyed Devil May Cry, but did not play the second one. Was DMC2 really that bad?

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Voltrox747, every N64 FPS I played allowed you to aim and move at the same time. The N64 controller was actually really well suited to FPS movement. In both Goldeneye and Turok I always had the c-buttons control movement and the stick controlling aiming, which is less precise but not unlike WASD and mouse controls for a PC FPS.

I actually felt that the controls in Metroid Prime were actually kind of cool once you got used to them. In the beginning I was totally clumsy, much like the way I felt when I experienced mouselook for the first time in the original quake like 12 years ago. Once I got the hang of it though, I never felt crippled in any way, once you got the hang of dodging. It really felt like you were in a hulking metal suit. Props to Retro for starting from scratch with the control scheme instead of simply delivering on the expectations of gamers.

Now, Metroid Prime 2... That game was waaaay too long, and Prime 3 had fantastic controls but was way too easy. Oh well. At least the first one was awesome.

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Soul Fighter (DC)- The previews sounded interesting, coupled with the nice graphics and a need for something new to play with the shelves a bit barren at the time, equaled a forty dollar kick to the nuts. Tack on the most nonsensical ending I've ever seen, and a boss that as far as I can tell, can't be beaten, and I wept.

Onslaught (Genesis)- After playing the spectacular port of Star Control, and the nearly as good port of Turrican, I was fooled into thinking this game by Ballistix (aka Accolade at the time) would be just as great. It looked alright, but it was so dull and horrid in gameplay that I'm almost certain my Genesis gagged.

Soldier of Fortune II: Double Helix (PC)- I enjoyed the first one, and this one got some good scores. But this was simply way too drawn out. By the time you got to the mid-way point, you were left wondering when the game was going to end. By the time you got to the end of the dull story, missions, and level designs, you were left wondering how much brain capacity you just lost having played through the whole thing.

Half Life 2 (PC)- Sure, it looks nice, and it has good voice acting. The story's semi-decent too (or at least parts of it are). However, that's where the good times end. Boring levels, several tedious and mandatory vehicle sequences that were much to drawn out, a difficulty level that's basically nonexistent, less than thrilling combat (AI? What AI?), and quite possibly the worst ending ever in an FPS. After all the hype this game had, I didn't see what was so special. The first game was great. But this one? Not even close.

Battle Arena Toshinden (PS1)- All I have to say is, thank God I got this dirt cheap. Nice looking for an early PS1 game, but uh... where's the gameplay? You can literally beat the game doing a single move, and not moving your character at all. A blind leper whose arms fell off could play this game by mashing the controller his feet, and win.

Ghosts 'N Goblins (NES)- What happened? I mean yeah, I expected the graphics to be less than what the arcade was, but what's with the horrid collision detection? Why is my guy falling through platforms he clearly landed on? WHY ARE MY SHOTS PASSING THROUGH ENEMIES! WHY HAVEN'T I RIPPED THIS GAME FROM MY NES BEFORE IT DESTROYS THE SYSTEM'S INNOCENCE?!

Road Riot 4WD (SNES)- The original arcade game was a straight forward racer that looked and played reasonably well, with a little spit wad cannon on the front of your car to slow enemies down so you could pass them. The SNES port got the spit wad cannon right, and nothing else.

D-Force (SNES)- HA HA! HAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA! HAHA! *snort* UH HA! *snort* UH HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... *passes out*

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Metroid Prime = the single biggest disappointment in a game ever that I can recall. I knew this wasn't going to be like the 2D Metroids and that it was styled after an FPS with more platforming than usual for them, but for the love of god WHY did it only use the left stick?! The game has the same controls that FPSs had on the N64, which means that you can't aim and move at the same time. Now I realize that the game had an auto-target feature, but to me that ruins any fun an FPS can have. I mean, what's the point of playing a shooting game when you don't have to aim? Aside from that, A and B were also reversed from everything we've come to know and love. The worst part is that I really really wanted to like this game, since it looked great and the environment was interesting. I was able to play through something like 1/3 of it, but once the enemies got dangerous there was no fun way to fight them. You either let the game aim for you while you run back and forth mashing A, or you aim yourself while standing there like you're a f***ing gun turrent. One thing I DID like was the morph ball, and whenever my friends wanted to fight me in Prime 2 I would fight ONLY in ball form. Surprisingly enough, you can actually put up a good fight with the ball alone. Sorry if that read like a review, but I'm still in shock even now that nintendo had a controller with two sticks and didn't let you use them properly.

IT'S

NOT

AN

F

P

S

It is a first person ADVENTURE game, meaning you should have been expecting Zelda64 with jumping which is almost exactly what it was.

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It's funny, but hearing people's opinions that you've loved and adored over the years kinda now... makes you... not like that person so much... :/

Typically I'm extraordinarily picky when I buy games. I always wait for the reviews to come out and rarely, if ever, buy a game below an 8.5. Standouts of games that left a sour taste in my mouth

Assassin's Creed. I usually finish most games I buy, particularly when I was younger. In my old age, I get very far, but not always finish. Ass Cre is the only game in recent memory where I got about 3 hours into it, and summarily wrote it off as hilariously shallow and achingly disappointing. Sold it to a fellow Pandemic employee for megabucks

Phantom Dust. Magic the Gathering meets DBZ? Well shit yeah, it's a great idea on paper. Oh wait... I have to walk aimlessly in the homebase to get my next mission without any sort of marker or guide? Oh, and that 50% of the gameplay involves just TRYING to find that person? Oh, and melee abilities trump just about everything else? Well... That's not so good.

Star Wars Battlefront. I love battlefield games. This one... and I'm not sure if it was the levels, the prosaic weapons, or just the FuckGolems online, but I rarely had fun with the game. Which was a shame because it had some real promise.

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Assassin's Creed. I usually finish most games I buy, particularly when I was younger. In my old age, I get very far, but not always finish. Ass Cre is the only game in recent memory where I got about 3 hours into it, and summarily wrote it off as hilariously shallow and achingly disappointing. Sold it to a fellow Pandemic employee for megabucks

I too was disappointed in it...I'll just echo Yahtzee here and say I enjoyed the freerunning which was amazingly fluid and fun to watch, but what I didn't enjoy was doing the same four or so minigames 5 times each before every assassination. Not to mention failing at the very end of a mission because I'm being swarmed by beggars and crazies (although also partly because I'm hilariously bad at stealth games). But seriously, who thought that was a good idea? IT'S OVER BETWEEN US, JADE RAYMOND. :'(

Phantom Dust. Magic the Gathering meets DBZ? Well shit yeah, it's a great idea on paper. Oh wait... I have to walk aimlessly in the homebase to get my next mission without any sort of marker or guide? Oh, and that 50% of the gameplay involves just TRYING to find that person? Oh, and melee abilities trump just about everything else? Well... That's not so good.

But the soundtrack was awesome! The finding the next person thing was dumb, but I didn't really run into the melee problem. I used a fair amount of mid and long range stuff too (<3 sniping).

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Phantom Dust. Magic the Gathering meets DBZ? Well shit yeah, it's a great idea on paper. Oh wait... I have to walk aimlessly in the homebase to get my next mission without any sort of marker or guide? Oh, and that 50% of the gameplay involves just TRYING to find that person? Oh, and melee abilities trump just about everything else? Well... That's not so good.

That's like buying UT 2004 or Halo 3 and playing only the single player...Phantom Dust's real value is online. Yeah, the single player isn't too great at all. The only reason to play Phantom Dust really is if you can get a group of people to play with you regularly online. Maybe it's not for everyone, but for me Phantom Dust is just an incredible multiplayer experience, since it has so much depth. You're constantly tweaking your arsenals and making new ones...and it's really satisfying when you take it online and your arsenals work just as planned. Also a good cartwheeler can consistently dodge just about every melee attack except rapid High Speed Punches. Mid and long range attacks are very useful, especially in tag team.

Not trying to force my opinion on you or anything. I just don't think you can really give PD a chance without playing online, preferably with people you know (and with the game being as obscure as it is you pretty much have to).

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Blood Omen 2: Legacy of Kain - I bought this game cheaply with a few others at a Game Crazy. I'm a fan of the Blood Omen/Legacy of Kain series and so I felt that I had to complete it. The animation, cinematics and controls are just simply terrible. I don't know if I'll be able to get through it for story purposes.

Enclave - I think I bought this with Blood Omen 2, not sure. Either way a lame PC style action RPG with terrible graphics, mediocre story and boring objectives.

Dragon Warrior VII - A lame dated Japanese RPG that is utterly boring and slow and extremely typical. I did not enjoy it at all.

Eternal Ring - I bought it cheaply when I worked at Toys R Us. I got it because it looked semi interesting and I thought it couldn't be too bad. Though it is a slow, prodding first person action RPG with some interesting concepts but is marred by bad controls, weak gameplay and graphics that look like a budget Dreamcast title. Oh and it does not have analog support despite being on the PS2 when it comes packed in with the Dual Shock 2.

Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights - I got this for free for testing it. A lame and utterly generic racer.

NHRA: Countdown to the Championship - Again, got it for free for testing it. Pretty lame and borning.

Stretch Panic - The concept is very interesting but it is hard to know what to do next in the game.

Zone of Enders - I really just got it for the MGS2 demo. It was really short that was hyped to be a Zelda style game with mechs that ultimately fell flat with characters that I didn't care for and an anti-climatic ending.

Damn I've bought a lot of crap.

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Star Wars: Rogue Squadron 3. This was shortly after I bought my GC. I enjoyed the first one on the 64 alot, so i thought this one would be great, however, the ground missions ruined it for me. :???:

PN 03 - Rediculously terrible game. It looked cool, but I was wrong. I literally beat the game in like 2 hours. Why I played it to the end, I have no idea.

Excite Truck - This is an alright game, however, I can never see myself playing it ever again. Just not much to draw me back to playing it.

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That's like buying UT 2004 or Halo 3 and playing only the single player...Phantom Dust's real value is online. Yeah, the single player isn't too great at all. The only reason to play Phantom Dust really is if you can get a group of people to play with you regularly online. Maybe it's not for everyone, but for me Phantom Dust is just an incredible multiplayer experience, since it has so much depth. You're constantly tweaking your arsenals and making new ones...and it's really satisfying when you take it online and your arsenals work just as planned. Also a good cartwheeler can consistently dodge just about every melee attack except rapid High Speed Punches. Mid and long range attacks are very useful, especially in tag team.

Not trying to force my opinion on you or anything. I just don't think you can really give PD a chance without playing online, preferably with people you know (and with the game being as obscure as it is you pretty much have to).

You lost me by implying UT2004's simple player was not good. Bullshit and I fucking hate you. UT has some of the best bots this side of DeepBlue. So good, in fact, I practically stopped playing online with people of wildly varying skill (either whimsically bad or maddeningly professional) with lag and just settling on hand-tailored bots.

So you? YOU GO TO HELL!

but your point is very well taken, nonetheless.

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