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Married OCR people?

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I've been engaged since last year, but we don't have any definitive plans for a wedding for now. What we do have is a rambunctious one year old daughter, whose favorite toy is a Wind Waker Link doll.

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I've been engaged since last year, but we don't have any definitive plans for a wedding for now. What we do have is a rambunctious one year old daughter, whose favorite toy is a Wind Waker Link doll.

D'awww, that sounds adorable. Our son just turned two a few weeks back. Mayhap we should make an OCR parents thread. I would be interested to see who all has younguns.

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Engaged since August 2012. I met her in the Philippines 7 years ago, kept on and off contact, saw her again last year and just kind of knew. Just waiting now for her to get here.

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Currently engaged and knee deep in wedding planning. Shooting for a classy themed mario theme, but we'll see. Was thinking of asking the community for a hand with the music. But that's for another topic!~

We've been together for about 6 years now. Woot.

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Well; I'm more or less engaged, just haven't had time to find a ring yet, but I plan on marrying my girlfriend sometime next year (hopefully). We're together for nearly 8 years

Shooting for a classy themed mario theme

I would need this as well, my girlfriend would surely love it, she's a total Mario fan

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Well; I'm more or less engaged, just haven't had time to find a ring yet, but I plan on marrying my girlfriend sometime next year (hopefully). We're together for nearly 8 years

I would need this as well, my girlfriend would surely love it, she's a total Mario fan

Me and my wife were dating for 9 years with 2 daughters created along the way. Got married last October.

Funny thing is I was much more nervous about the wedding then becoming a father.

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My girl and I have been living together about 12 years now, been together for a while before then. We're getting married in 2014. Life is good when you're in love B)

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Huh, I guess I never got around to posting in this thread.

Jenner and I got married back in September last year. We even have a few OCR witnesses. One of them stole my shoe. But it's a lousy shoe so I'm better off without it.

Marriage is awesome but it's always more work than you expect, even if you have high expectations. KF

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Marriage is awesome but it's always more work than you expect, even if you have high expectations. KF

This

I got married in September 2010. I've known the girl since high school, and we only dated for 3 months before we got engaged. We have a daughter who's two months short of two years old.

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In my experience, the foreknowledge that marriage is work and the desire/will to work on it are the two leading criteria for success in one. Those that think it's supposed to "work" without work get disheartened.

But yes, marriage is awesome.

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In my experience, the foreknowledge that marriage is work and the desire/will to work on it are the two leading criteria for success in one. Those that think it's supposed to "work" without work get disheartened.

But yes, marriage is awesome.

Agreed. I also think cohabitation beforehand is pretty key. No matter how much you may like somebody, it can get pretty different when you're living with them. I, for one, have a few really good friends I would NEVER live with (or live with again, oy,) not to mention two brothers who I wouldn't live with again if I had any other choice. My wife, though? We make a great team.

Speaking of wifin', this seemed topical: one of my best friends just asked me to be in his wedding, which he has tentatively scheduled for next May. I'm happy for him, but it seems some trouble is brewing. His fiancee is Pakistani-American, and so her family is unsurprisingly hardcore Muslim. They have never lived together because of this, and her family believes her to be a good Muslim (no drinking and such.) Yeah, that's not really the case. Anyway, living a lie is one thing, but then to top all that, her father is putting pressure on my homeboy to convert to Islam. While this is gonna surely get awkward for him, I do have to say it's hilarious. My buddy is like the whitest whiteboy in the town of Whitehead, Whitesylvania. For him to convert to Islam would be somewhat out of character. Anyways, thoughts/comments/flames?

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In my experience, the foreknowledge that marriage is work and the desire/will to work on it are the two leading criteria for success in one. Those that think it's supposed to "work" without work get disheartened.

But yes, marriage is awesome.

I don't agree at all. If it feels like work then you're not meant to be together, and eventually those things you 'worked' on that are supposed to be solved and forgotten will come back up and make you realize that you've been breeding resentment for having to compromise things you shouldn't have to. The one and only thing I believe a good relationship needs in order to work is a sense of perspective. You have to teach yourself to look outside your own point of view and accept your partner as a second set of eyes/ears.

Keep in mind I do have a skewed perspective on this matter because I've been with my girl for over 12 years, and we've spent almost every day together. We've lived together that whole time, went to the same schools, took the same classes, worked at the same places, so we've had 24/7 contact for 12 years straight. It may be that we were working on our relationship without knowing it simply by evolving together as people, but we've never had to think or talk about any huge issues in terms of compromise or "we need to solve this in order to stay together".

I think that if you make it a point to be completely honest about who you are when you first meet someone, and insist that they are completely honest with you, you'll find it much more difficult to find a person you're compatible with. The payoff happens when you finally do find that person, and everything from that point onward is just living naturally without doubting or looking back. Again that's most likely a matter of skewed perspective as I've always been aware of what I was looking for in someone, so if I wanted a fling or one night stand I'd make it so the relationship could end as soon as that need was fulfilled. I wasn't even looking for anyone to be with in any form when I met my lady, we just started as friends but I quickly noticed that it was a deal I couldn't pass up, so I made a business type decision to make her mine based completely on the logical factors like lifestyle and general compatibility. As silly as it sounds, videogames are extremely important to both of us, and that's probably what shaped our personalities into being so similar and compatible.

tl:dr - don't compromise who you are, hold out and you'll find someone truly right for you. If you pretend to be someone you're not for any reason, it'll come back at you eventually and start ruining your relationship.

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Well, if you're also going into relationships thinking you don't have to do any work and your personality is good enough to be infallible, you're just plain deluded. Unless you're dating a Hatsune Miku hologram that you programmed yourself, there's going to be some work because no two people are going to be 100% compatible.

For anyone wanting to worry about "compromising yourself" in a relationship, ask yourself this, what exactly do you have to defend about yourself? What do you have that's so special that you need to put it above your relationship to someone you love the most? And why should he or she stick with your neurotic, self-absorbed ass when they can find someone else they can have a good time with who is NOT hung up on that shit?

A good relationship is like anything else in life. You want it? Fucking earn it. You shouldn't be worried about having to work in a relationship unless the rewards of doing so do not come close to outweighing what you have to do to get there. If you want to maintain a good relationship, you choose THEM first, not YOU.

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I don't agree at all. If it feels like work then you're not meant to be together, and eventually those things you 'worked' on that are supposed to be solved and forgotten will come back up and make you realize that you've been breeding resentment for having to compromise things you shouldn't have to. The one and only thing I believe a good relationship needs in order to work is a sense of perspective. You have to teach yourself to look outside your own point of view and accept your partner as a second set of eyes/ears.

I think there's a difference between it feeling like work and recognizing that there's a need for work, though. For instance, my wife and I recognize that our communication skills need some improving - I don't always clearly communicate that I'm joking/playing around to her, and she recognizes that she needs to rein in her reflex of communicating defensively. But when we work on that aspect of our relationship, it doesn't feel like work. It's like the difference between going to a job you love, and a job that just pays the bills; they both require work, but one's work that you enjoy and one's work that you dread. I think the former is something you should expect, and maybe even want, to have in your relationship, and the latter should make you question the validity of your relationship.

For me, it's the difference between my relationship with the woman I was with just before I met my wife, and my wife. With my wife, I enjoy the work on our relationship ~90% of the time, because it's fun and fulfilling, and the 10% of the time I don't enjoy it is due to my wife having a knack for picking the worst times possible to work on our relationship (when I'm falling asleep on the couch, on break at work, etc.); with the woman before her, it just felt like a chore even talking to her, because she would always bring up some cockamamie issue with our relationship she had discovered she had that morning (usually, something along the lines of "why are you still holding the fact I was sleeping with my ex during the beginning of our relationship against me?") and nothing ever got resolved or improved, because I was the only one doing any compromising. Hence, a large part of the reason I left her, and married who I did.

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. It may be that we were working on our relationship without knowing it simply by evolving together as people, but we've never had to think or talk about any huge issues in terms of compromise or "we need to solve this in order to stay together".

I think this is more of it. If you get to the point where you're saying to each other "we need to solve this in order to stay together" then you've already gone waaaay too long without putting effort into your relatonship. Work doesn't mean concentration camp - it means solid effort into being compassionate, honest, and good communication. It sounds like your situation allows you to do that very easily. Many people aren't lucky enough to have that situation.

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My point is that if you meet someone truly right for you, all the compassion and whatever else will come naturally without "effort". Anything less than that means that you've settled for the best you've found at that point and are trying to make the best of the situation.

I think another big part of it is the sense of entitlement and playing house. So many people get married or get into long term relationships because they want the romantic vision of what that is, without really knowing if they are ready for that or not. Too many just jump into it and expect it to work, and after they do that a few times they get it into their heads that they have to "work" on things in order for relationships to last, while STILL not putting any thought into what it is they really want out of life.

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