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Things Video Games Have Taught Us

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Ok, so how this works is pretty easy. Name 1-3 thing(s) that video games have taught us. I'll start:

Don't pay any attention to Zero's death. He'll be mysteriously rebuilt for the next game. (Mega Man X)

New items MUST be held above your head. Obviously. (Legend of Zelda)

You can withstand otherworldly punishment... so long as you have potions. (Final Fantasy)

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Never you mind about the bullets left in that magazine, go ahead and reload. They'll magically be consolidated into the last magazine you have. - (every first person shooter ever)

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Things I've learned from video games:

Water will kill me instantly. If it doesn't, I'll either get a 90 second countdown to get back to the surface and avoid drowning, or it will not hamper my ability to function at all.

I cannot carry more than two guns, and one of them has to be a pistol. Assault rifles do not have a fire select feature on them whatsoever, and are always full auto.

There is ALWAYS a boss behind any door large enough to drive a boat through. If you have any soldiers with you they will be dead by the end.

Yes you can collect that item by driving into it. No, you do not need to stop, get out, put it in your trunk and then drive to an auto shop to have it installed. Just drive into it.

Laser beams can curve through 180 degrees and hit you even when you're behind cover.

Additionally, you can reveal laser beams by blowing smoke onto them.

Additionally, any hallway with defense lasers will have them deploy in an easily-avoided pattern. Touching them will kill you instantly, even if you poke one with a finger. The body will remain intact and it'll sound like electricity.

Additionally, everything that can hurt you can do so by touching you. No biting, scratching, pecking or punching required.

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Weapons will never break, dull, or otherwise wear down at all no matter how much you use them or what you do with them.

Others will have a precise number of uses which you cannot exceed without them breaking.

Others will simply break on their own during the one battle you needed them to stay in one piece.

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You cannot collect an item you dont have room for. Unless you already have on of that kind. Then you can totally cram another 90 pieces of it into your pockets.

Any good citizen who doesn't lock the front door agrees to have his or her home thoroughly searched for items and other neat things.

Sleep cures any abnormal status. Becoming a zombie? Just snooze your problems away!

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If you find yourself quickly accelerating towards a solid surface, remember to bash the ground right before landing to neutralise your velocity.

Everyone has their own menu. You just need to find your start button. Somewhere.

I'm not evil. The guy controlling me is a douche.

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Practical:

Reload your gun every time you enter a new room.

Just do it. You don't want to be cornered by monsters and zombies with an unloaded gun now, do you?

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There was an article on Cracked about how the zombie apocalypse will never happen due to various real-life biological issues but I say it could because THE DEAD ARE FRICKING WALKING AROUND I THINK THEY IGNORE THE LAWS OF BIOLOGY.

Other things I've learned from games:

If it hasn't exploded yet you haven't shot it enough.

Handguns have infinite ammo.

You cannot dual-wield magnums. But you can dual-wield P90s.

You can crash into something going as fast as you want; as long as the impact doesn't immediately destroy the car you'll be fine. Seatbelts and airbags are therefore wastes of space and weight that could be put to better use supporting nitrous.

You can jump off of a 40-story building and your body armor will take the damage for you.

Explosives make you jump higher.

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If I run at mach speed on a bridge while whales chase me, I'll be an ultimate badass with red sneakers that's constantly pursued by pink jollies. My haters are really smart but they still don't have the brains nor the physique to compete with me.

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Oh, there are many things I could say. It's hard to limit it to just three, so I'll try to mention some stuff that hasn't been alluded to yet.

1. Never build an army so big that you can't maintain it, and never send in an army so small that it can't finish the job quickly. (Civilization 4)

2. When it comes between being strong and looking good, always go for looking good. (Dragon Quest IX)

3. If you make squids too intelligent, they'll destroy the world in nuclear war. (SimEarth)

KF

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Water will kill me instantly. If it doesn't, I'll either get a 90 second countdown to get back to the surface and avoid drowning, or it will not hamper my ability to function at all.

Relevant.

I'm not evil. The guy controlling me is a douche.

I particularly like this one.

1. Although the world might not revolve around you, time certainly does around your actions. Feel free to investigate, adventure, and generally dick around as long as you please, for your future advancement is assured.

2. Should the sun set without your permission, do not be troubled. The onward marching of days is a ruse, for the wise old man shall endlessly muse in his hovel, the loyal yet headstrong companions shall remain halted mid-quest awaiting your intervention, and the perceived incarnation of doom shall limit his havoc-wreaking to unknown provinces. While you might not make every acquaintance or embark on every quest, repeatedly hearing (hearing) the same line from the village bosoms is obviously of far more import.

3. In the rare circumstance that there exists someone who refuses to cater to your schedule or an event so impetuous to occur on its own, and missing said person or event has catastrophic results, remember: time is cyclical.

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Never talk to someone more than twice. They never have anything else to say. (RPGs)

Everyone (and I mean everyone) can load a gun about as fast as this guy. It's nothing special. (FPS)

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Mass production of effective equipment does not exist. Everything worth its salt is legendary and difficult to obtain. No one has the idea to replicate legendary weapons or armour that are discovered (except maybe the player, with a dupe trick).

Anyone can buy a rifle or pistol, but it takes an adventure to find one made of diamond.

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People never tire of repeating the same thing over and over again when their advice is crucial to your adventure...and when it's not.

I can tell when an enemy is nearby because the background music gets ominous.

I can wear the same clothes for weeks and no one notices. Maybe I don't sweat when I'm in the lava dungeon, swinging away at a big evil monster.

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Never talk to someone more than twice. They never have anything else to say. (RPGs)

You know, I've always wondered in most RPGs what it is that makes you, the player, so engaging that when you LOOK at people they start blabbing about all kinds of relevant information.

No, "Hey, what's up?" or "Hello, my name is ___" from the person... it's always like, FACE -> TALK and then suddenly:

"Shrine of Isis is to the south."

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Today Oblivion taught me that if you kill someone before you take their belongings, they don't count as stolen.

It also taught me that you can ransack the house of anyone you've killed with utter impunity.

You know what?

I think I'll do that. When there's only a single quest left...I'm going to kill everyone in the game. Total genocide. The only people left alive in Cyrodiil will be me, Martin Septim, and those damn respawning bastards in Hackdirt.

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