Ok, first off the kinda weird lead and pads at the intro are a little high in frequency, its a little piercing.
Also I find it interesting that the piece shifts from highs to lows and mids.
I think EQ is the big problem here, its a little too overdone, its a little unpleasant in my headphones
Arrangment: I haven't listened to the source, I will say that it I got a little bored at the 2.30 mark when the high hats come in, it picks up again around the 3.15-ish mark. I think that the arrangement is nice, its calm, and somewhat menacing at points, cools emotions put into it. I thought that it ended a little abruptly tho.
Like I said before, its a little grating to listen to on headphones, work on the EQing in general, its not one instrument thats the problem...
Its good so far but needs work, keep at it